Monday, June 2, 2008

June/ Chapter 2: Women and their nice guys....

Women are much more complex when it comes to relationships than men again because of the genetics behind it all. A woman is much more selective about which guy they will have sex with because sex can lead to pregnancy. Pregnancy for a woman is a serious investment of time and resources, since she has to carry the baby for 9 months. It's even a risk to her life because up till 100 years ago child birth was the leading killer for women.

Hence even when we were cavepeople, women had much higher standards, and would only have sex and risk pregnancy when they felt like they had the right partner. So what's the right partner? Well, first of all, men want a woman that is physically fit for child bearing, youth and beauty is an indicator of this. Hence men are more attracted by looks than women. Even women know this, because they instinctively wear short skirts in clubs!

Women on the other hand are attracted to men they know will increase the chances of the survival of her offspring. Again this is tied to the fact that women need to invest 9 months of their time and energy into having a child, and that doesn't even take in account the time and energy taken to raise a child. This is why a feeling of security is a lot more important for a woman than a man.

What brings attraction and security to a woman? Now, not all women are attracted by the same things, and that's mainly because we're a pretty complex society now. When we were still cavepeople, the most successful men were the best hunters, so physically fit and athletic. Women still prefer this in a man, hence why guys like Brad Pitt and David Beckham are sex symbols for girls. But because we're smart and we live in a complex social society the best men are also the smart ones that can provide.

This is why personality is a lot more important in the selection process for women. Ask what a women wants in a guy and she will usually say, smart, funny, ambitious or with a good career and money. Let's examine why.A smarter guy will do better in a social society, get a better job and be able to provide more for the kids. Ambition is also tied to this. Just about all girls like an ambitious guy, and not a lazy mofo that sits at home and does nothing. Whilst ambition is not a 100% guarantee of success it's attractive because it means the guy will be driven to get more. Especially when it comes to younger guys that are still not successful, girls will look for this as an indicator of future success.

So how about humor? It's obvious that a funny person is more fun to be around. But in this chapter we're not examining the social issues, just the biological ones. Still, there's a biological reason why a guy with a sense of humor is more attractive and that's because it reflects wit and speed of thinking, so again tied to intelligence.

Money and an established good career contrary to just ambition is solid proof that a guy can already provide for the woman and for her offspring. In HK, it's not just the girls that complain about the guys sleeping around, guys often complain that the girls are too materialistic. But materialism is a way for the girl to see if the guy can actually provide for her and a couple's future together.

The most interesting thing I find about what women want, is this thing about nice guys. Now assuming a nice guy means a guy that's not going to cheat and willing to settle down, ask any woman whether she prefers a nice guy or a guy that sleeps around, and she'll say a nice guy....

So why do guys that just want to sleep around get more action? Well you might say that's because they're trying to get in girls pants in the first place and therefore since they're trying harder to meet more girls then they succeed more. Not true, because a nice guy that hits on the same number of girls will have a lower success rate just getting the girl interested in the first place, guaranteed.

Speaking from personal experience and if you ask guys in general, most will say nice guys come last. A lot of guys including myself in highschool will have started off trying to treat girls nice and failed miserably, and actually changed to become an "asshole" because they've realised it brings more success. (I'm still a nice guy, I just need to pretend to be an asshole to get some, haha)Ever heard of the term "treat them mean to keep them keen"? It's so true ladies, a guy that's nice comes across as cliingy, desperate, and annoying. Whilst a smooth talker, who's confident and doesn't give a damn seems really attractive.

Why is this? Is there a biological reason? There sure is, but I've told this to two girls before and they didn't seem to want to believe it, but it's still a real reason. Women unknowingly like men that can sleep around. The irony is they then don't want the men to actually sleep around, let me explain. Back when we were "cavepeople" if a woman had a child with a man that has sex with many women, if she has a son with the guy then her son will likely behave that way as well. In turn the son because 50% of his genes are from the mother will pass her genes on as well to more future offspring. Therefore if the woman has kids with a man that sleeps around she will be more likely to pass more copies of her genes on.

I've told girls this, and they tell me nonono, that's not us! We want nice guys! Firstly, well since playas still get more action I have to disagree. Girls are still unknowingly controlled by their own genes to prefer smooth confident guys, and reject the annoying and clingy nice guys. I'll address this more in a later chapter, but you got to understand if a guy is smooth and confident he doesn't need to settle down with you, the guy can pick between many girls as well.

Secondly, yes I'll agree with the girls that they do in fact want nice guys. We as smart human beings are able to reflect upon and choose to reject our evolved biological preferences. Hence that's what this chapter is about. It's about education and knowing ourselves better so we can change. Girls, now that you know the reason why even though you want a nice guy, you keep finding assholes that sleep with you once and then dump you, you will avoid this in future, right?.......

Now that you know your genes are affecting your decision making. Next time the annoying, desperate and clingy guy comes along you will want him instead of the smooth talking attractive fella, right?.........Errr.............right!?


cha said...

People often think "nice guys" are the opposite of guys who sleep around, that's because the word "nice" is the antonym to everything bad.

When a woman comments on a guy with the word "nice", that means she's not interested at all, coz "nice" isn't a statement, which means she couldn't find anything worth remembering in this guy.

What women look for is the "eligible" ones, who are the smart, successful, confident and funny men minus the cheating/sleeping around characteristics. Well, nothing's perfect in this world, so these "eligible" guys tend to be fat, bold and ugly, which makes the choice between the "eligible ones" and the "players/cheaters" very hard.

... ...

I shall not move on reading anymore today, coz as I read, I found myself justifying for my ex's behaviours which makes me question myself whether he deserves another (the 101st) chance? Not good...

Carlton Bradshaw said...

By nice, I mean a guy that actually likes the girl and would like to go after her with real feelings. Even if he was smart and successful, he wouldn't come off as confident and funny, but as desperate.

On the other hand a guy that doesn't care comes off as confident and irresistable because they don't care, so has nothing to lose and therefore confident.

It's not as simple as it seems. At the end of the day, guys that would just settle for one girl even if smart, successful, confident and funny, would have a lower success rate if he approached multiple girls than a guy that just doesn't care.

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