Tuesday, June 3, 2008

June/ Chapter 6: "The One"

Someone asked me before what my criteria list is for a partner, and I am quite happy to list them here, but physical attributes first because I'm still a caveman. =)

Knows how to dress sexy
Good in bed
Fun to be with
Understands me
Will support me when I'm down
Isn't high maintenance
Isn't an unreasonable cow

Ok, I'll stop there, we're about 10% through my list but hopfeully you get the point. The thing is, I reckon a lot of guys and girls I know, including myself have "demands" that are not attainable. The person we are looking for just doesn't exist. Generally lower income bracket and simplier minded folk have an easier time than highly educated, high income bracket people in finding a partner to settle down with.

Well, first of all I find it hard to believe that in a town of several million people there isn't the right fit. The problem is as much to do with ourselves as others. See, people are quite happy to point fingers at the rest of the population and say, "the one" doesn't exist, and people are messed up. Anyone ever cared to look at themselves and whether what they want is even realisitic? The problem with good looking, highly educated, high income bracket people, is they're much harder to please. They also have more choice, but ironically turn down what might be a great person because of certain short comings or irritations.

Lots of people say they don't want to settle for less because they know exactly what they want. What happens if what they want doesn't exist? Is living alone forever a better option? Shouldn't the right strategy in this case then to learn to be satisfied with less? Now I'm as guilty of this as the very people I talk about. I dated a fantastic girl for 5 years, but choose to look at her problems rather than appreciate what I had, and I'm paying for it.

Lots of people have probably dated "the one" already but pushed them away because they didn't realise he or she is the one. Either because what they need to be happy is excessive, or there is too much choice and they think they can look around for longer. Timing is an issue of course. Generally girls don't want to settle down before 25 especially if career orientated, and guys don't want to settle till after 30 these days. But for the girls they should realise they are less attractive to most guys when older. It's sad but true. Now in terms of maturity and experience a girl well into her 30's might have more to offer. But again beause of genetics youth and looks for most guys still matter.

Then there is a biological clock. Women can't wait too long or can't have kids. Whilst guys can still have kids at 60, might need some viagra though.....Anyawy, point being, a lot of people are too picky. Both guys and girls. They have their right to be picky and no one is the judge other than themselves. But my advice is don't be too picky, appreaciate what you have, and don't leave it till too late or you'll risk being lonely later in life. Look within yourself as much as what you expect from others, and you're have greater success in finding "the one". Now I always practice what I preach, so I've decided to scale down 95% of my "demands" list, and as a proper caveman I'll be looking just for this from now on:

Knows how to dress sexy
Good in bed



Terren said...

before i begin, jen sent me this link, so i'm not some random stalker. i love hearing other people's thoughts on relationships, so i'm very happy i found your blog.

now, i absolutely LOVE that you took smart, nice, and caring out of your final list. to be fair, i guess you took out, "will support me when i'm down" too. :P

in high school i was once notorius for my 'list' of qualities i wanted in a guy. so this brings me back...waaaaay back.

what you said completely makes sense, but it's by no means an exhaustive list. you said timing is an issue, and i could not agree MORE.

you left out something i regard as highly important in a romantic relationship though, and that's communication.

i'd like to hope that by the time i hit 80, the person i married 50-60 years ago will still have the ability to make me laugh and stimulate me with conversation.

and vice versa, of course.

more on this later, but my eyes are about to pop after working on my own blog for hours. (shameless plug to follow) visit when you have time! :P

Hkizzle said...

Hi Terren, yeah I agree that communication is the most important thing in the long term. I don't know about laughing after 80 though, the false teeth might fall out! What's the url of your blog? Can I take a look?

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