Wednesday, December 2, 2009
TO EVERY WOMEN WHO'RE WORTH A LOT........AND EVERY MAN WHO NEEDS TO KNOW
In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question, "What kind of man are you looking for?"
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"
Reluctantly, he said "Yes."
She began to expound..., "As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man….. or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, what can you bring to the table?"
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.
She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive... he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."
When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You’re asking a lot."
She replied, "I'm worth a lot."
To every woman who're worth a lot.... and every man who needs to know.
To the girls:
The man is perfect in every aspect of his life
Knows what a woman goes through
Someone that can be respected
You forgot to add, faithful, not butt ugly and relatively tall
Such a man, if he exists is either gay or in a relationship already, because if he's that special you can be sure his girlfriend guards him like the holy grail and will fend off all you other girls from a mile away.
The other 99.9% of men out there lack most of these qualities:
Perfect mentally: Lol, wtf does this mean anyway? I've heard of smart, but perfect mentally? I know plenty of guys that are totally mental. Is that anything close?
Good conversationist: Most guys are full of brain farts. Or they're full of shit. If a guy is a really smooth talker you can be sure he's trying to sweet talk mulitple girls into bed.
Spiritual: I respect religion so I won't mess around with this. But most girls can't even find a nice guy. You sure you can find a spiritual guy that's got the other qualities?
Financially perfect: Again wtf does this mean? If it means what I think it means then only Bill Gates and Warren Buffet qualify. Are you sure you want to have sex with a nerd or a man born in 1930? The rest of us go from slightly imperfect but able to buy you bottles in a club to dish washers in the back of a resturant.
Knows what a woman goes through: He must be gay
Sensitive: Gay, or a player trying to get into your pants
Someone that can be respected: Most men are either emasculated and weak versions of our former, hunter, warrior race. Which is why women called them nice guys, pat them on the back, friend zone them and then complain there are no nice guys.
They're strong, don't get pushed around, don't grovel for a woman's attention, are not needy, are not clingy, respect themselves. But they're sleeping around.
Physical aspects: As for the rest of men, they're either too short, look like a car ran over their face, or their penis are so small when they put it in the girl asks "Is it in yet?"
The reality is, we're not perfect. The above list is the equivalent of a man asking for a super hot girl, with a perfect body, smart, nice personality, has a good sense of humor, caring, not a gold digger, and willing to cook, clean and handwash the skid marks off our underwear.
Deal with it, or stay single forever chasing ghosts. By that I mean either compromise or raise your own level.
To the men:
Just get perfect in bed. Then you can bang your girlfriend so hard and so long she orgasms multiple times. When she's mumbling or screaming, the last thing she'll want is mental stimulation or good conversation.
By Willie Booker (you know the deal, copy and paste then forward if you found it funny) You can slap me (on my bum) if you didn't.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Let me explain something to you.
Most of the problems you have as a result of the opposite sex can be avoided if simply if you listened your to better judgement instead of throwing caution to the wind by following your primal desires.
The weekend I just had was a perfect example. It started pretty innocently on Friday night......
Friday night 10 pm: Met up with a friend and took her to my friend's bday party in a private club where everyone seemed to be having a lot of fun. I was meant to be on a diet and off alcohol for the next month. However seeing how everyone was having so much fun I told myself a vodka tonic couldn't hurt, I mean I wasn't exactly ordering a pint of beer.
Two hours later I had finished my 5th Vodka tonic and this should have been a warning to myself that I had zero willpower and self control, and should avoid all risky endeavors for the night.
Midnight: Leave my friend's bday party and meet up with this girl I met two weeks ago. She was with her cousins and friends and we all go to a relatively packed and pumping club.
00:15am: The girl buys me my 6th Vodka tonic. Normally I wouldn't dream of letting a girl buy me drinks but since she knows the bartenders and can get the drinks for dead cheap I oblige.
00:30am: Her cousin's fiance's cousin (I know it's confusing), this really short, ugly, annoying guy who obviously doesn't know how to pick up women starts trying to drag me across the club, telling me how he was going to teach me the art of pick up.
I didn't think this was a good idea since I wanted to chat to the girl I came with, plus I didn't think it was a good idea to let women see me walking around with this guy.
00:40am: Girl tells me her face is getting really hot, and that she had a fever earlier in the morning. I touch her head and indeed her forehead was sizzling. I told her she shouldn't be out and maybe she should go home, but she insists she's fine. I proceed to rub ice cubes over her face. I wasn't sure if this was a good move or not but I don't care anymore because I am on my 7th vodka.
01:15am: Head to the dancefloor with the girl. The dancefloor was packed which meant I was pressed close to her. Perfect! We started grinding and I was getting seriously turned on, plus I realized if I wanted to I could easily kiss her. But then I remembered she had a fever and it would obviously be a bad idea to make out with a girl that was ill.
Normally it would be easy to make the right choice. But after 7 vodka tonics, my brain decided the choice wasn't that easy. In fact, I started having an internal monologue about the merits of making out with a girl that was obviously not feeling well. It went something like this:
Good Willie: Don't you dare touch her lips. You'll get sick.
Bad Willie: Dude, her mouth is about 6 inches away from your mouth. This might be your only chance so just go for it.
Good Willie: She's running a fever. You know one of the early symptoms of the Ebola virus is a high fever?
Bad Willie: Put your hand on her butt, you can't catch a virus via hand to butt contact.
Good Willie: Willie, you're obviously desperate or a manwhore.
Bad Willie: Oh come on. She's wearing a short miniskirt and she's looking hot. Any normal guy given the circumstances would put his hand on her ass. (proceeds to start kissing her neck)
Good Willie: Don't kiss her lips! You will regret it tomorrow!
Bad Willie: uh huh, whatever. Talk to the hand, bitch.
01:16am: After 20 seconds of internal monologue, start making out with the girl.
02:30am: Go and grab some food. Kiss the girl some more.
03:30am: Move to Prive, when we get there it's relatively empty and I'm not surprised. There was this stench of puke towards the left side of the club. Someone obviously couldn't handle their alcohol, and considering how packed Prive normally is, I couldn't help but imagine this girl or guy puking up all over a bunch of people.
03:45am: The annoying guy that wanted to teach me how to pick up girls arrives at Prive. He didn't leave with us because he was trying to pick some girl up. Now he was at the front, trying to get in and with this buck toothed pork chop who was all excited, probably because she hasn't been picked up in over two years.
I don't want to be mean, but this girl was so ugly even the girl I was with commented on how she was getting goose bumps.
04:15am: Prive is officially dead and they close the club earlier than usual.
04:30am: Annoying guy and bucked toothed pork chop go home in a cab..................I feel sick and almost puked up on the curb.
04:40am: Call it a night. Say bye to everyone, kiss the girl again and head on home.
09:30: Wake up feeling like shit which is pretty normal after a big night out.
09:31: Check facebook.
10am: Wash my face, brush my teeth, take a dump. All the normal things people do in the morning.
11am: Go downstairs to eat breakfast.
Noon: Go back to sleep, had another party to go to later that night so wanted to be well rested.
4pm: Wake up and still feel shit. Which is not right because normally after an afternoon nap I stop feeling hung over and get on with my life again. But then I sneeze twice.....oh oh.
Good Willie: See I told you!
Bad Willie: STFU
5pm: I start having that feeling a person gets just before he gets sick. Kinda lightheaded, and a bit sore all over the body. But I decided it couldn't really be that bad. I mean I was drinking vodka, and alcohol kills germs right? There was no way I could have gotten sick by making out with the girl.
Never underestimate the power of denial..........
5:30pm: I head to the gym. I know it's not a good idea to work out if I'm feeling sick, but I needed to work off the calories from the night before. Besides, I wasn't sick, it was just my imagination..............right?
8pm: Back home from the gym and feel like shit. Take my temperature and it's 37.9 celcius. That's ok, right? I mean the normal body temperature is 37 degrees celcius.
9pm: 38.1 celcius. Oh shit, this isn't good. But I had another bday party to attend and I promised to go. Also sick girl was out again tonight and I wanted to see her again.
11pm: 38 celcius. Good, I'm getting better already. This is my greenlight for going out, life is too short to worry anyway...........
Day 3: 10am: I check my temperature and it's 38.3 celcius. I feel like shit and I'm burning up. I feel like calling my mum but I realize she lives over an hour away. I SMS sick girl and she tells me she just got back from the doctor and was running a high fever.
Ladies and gentlemen
Let me explain something to you.
Most of the problems you have as a result of the opposite sex can be avoided if simply if you listened your to better judgement instead of throwing caution to the wind by following your primal desires.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
1) Idealization. Idealization is the process in which a person once attracted starts looking through rose tinted glasses WAY TOO EARLY. I mean it's normal for people to become emotionally attached and to overall look problems in a partner later on. But when a woman gives a guy too much credit early on then she will miss glaring warning signals about the guy.
This usually happens because the woman is attracted to the guy, and doesn't want to acknowledge any information that might lead to disappointment. So basically by filtering out the warning signs that the guy might be a jerk, she creates the perception that the guy is Prince Charming in her own mind.
Stop watching chick flicks. Flawed men don't change like they do in the movies. They might fall in love and change for a short period of time, but because their personalities are naturally selfish they will also revert back to their selfish ways later. So observe carefully for warning signs, and don't over idealize.
A list of warning signs are in my book, so I don't want to repeat here.
2) Accelerated courtship. Again chick flicks and the love at first sight belief causes this problem and gets a lot of women in trouble.
The courtship process if anything should be slowed down, and used by a person (men or women) to critically assess if the other person is a going to be a good partner or not. Most people take things way too quickly these days. Many people these days have sex after 2 weeks and 3 dates, which means they often get emotionally attached before they've even gotten to know someone else properly.
By the time they've gotten to know the other person properly, ie find out the other person is a jerk, they're already emotionally attached because of this accelerated courtship and then they find it very hard to pull away, and chose to overlook a lot of problems in the relationship.
Basically rushing it at the start could mean you end up wasting years on a guy you otherwise wouldn't even have gone out with because if you hadn't rushed it you would have seen problems in the guy.
3) Confusing chemistry with knowing someone. I've heard many women go on about chemistry now, and I can tell you contrary to popular belief that chemistry is a terrible predictor of whether a man if going to be a good partner going forward. If chemistry was accurate then women would not feel chemistry for jerks, but many women have indeed felt chemistry for a guy that then turned out to be a nightmare boyfriend.
The reason this happens is because a lot of women are placing trust and chemistry on the wrong type of information from a guy, the most common mistakes are as follows:
a) The guy shares a lot with a woman about his personal feelings, so she feels like he's really opened up. Well guess what any human being including a jerk can open up about feelings. That doesn't mean the person isn't selfish.
To get past this, you still have to observe how the person really is, whether they are selfish, how they treated their ex girlfriends, how good is their relationship with their parents, etc. A naturally selfish person will talk badly about ex girlfriends, and usually talk badly about their parents.
b) A lot of couples spend a lot of time together doing stuff that are fun. They have so much fun together the woman places chemistry on their shared experience together. But again she doesn't actually know anything about the guy.
4) Repetition compulsion. This is probably the weirdest and most interesting phenonmenon, and I touched upon it slightly in the last post. If a woman had a bad father she is at risk of picking a man like her father when she grows up. Which is why women with abusive fathers often pick men that turn out to be abusive themselves, or if their fathers treated their mothers badly, cheated etc, divorced and gone, they are likely to be drawn to jerks.
The same happens if a woman gets hurt badly by a jerk and doesn't get over the pain of it. Then she will repeatedly be drawn to jerks and find even confident nice guys boring, or feel a lack of attraction.
The reason why this happens is this. The woman is naturally drawn to men like her father or like the ex that hurt her because she never truly got closure. Subconsciously without even realizing it, and even if she consciously tells herself she doesn't want to date jerks ever again, or men like her father, she's being drawn to these men in order to find closure. She wants to have a relationship with one of these men and actually make things work, which is a problem because a man with an unhealthy attitude to relationships can't be changed. So the girl gets hurt again and again, and her wounds get deeper, and she ends up seeking these men even more to get closure.
Remember all this is in the subconscious, the girl isn't even aware she's doing this and consciously she might even hate jerks. To the girl it just seems she has bad luck, or she'll start thinking all men are scum. But bring a nice guy alone and the girl will actually lose interest because she's used to chasing jerks and trying to change the jerk to get this closure.
To get over this problem the girl has to:
a) be aware of this weird subconscious act.
b) deal with the thing that was originally driving this behavior which is the pain caused by her father or the first boyfriend that hurt her badly, and let go of this pain. She has to truly grieve and acknowledge that her father or her ex did her wrong, and truly let out the pain and anger, and to have someone else listen to this pain and truly understand her.
That's basically what therapy does, and why people open up to tell a therapist their childhood problems. Until they're truly understood they will repeatedly perform the same irrational behaviors that hurt themselves.
When it comes to relationships, a woman needs to understand repetition compulsion and let go of the past if she's to stop being attracted to jerks.
Hope that helps you ladies out there.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Some of you have told me your sob stories, how your ex was a jerk and logically you knew it, but for some reason you keep gravitating to the same type of guy.
To make matters worse some of you find normal guys boring, and keep dating jerks over and over again.
The reason is this:
Did your parents divorce when you were very young?
Did your father not give you much attention when you were a child?
Do you often find yourself feeling lonely?
Do you feel the need to get married badly?
By the way, my parents divorced when I was 3 and I haven't seen my real dad since so I'm not talking out of my ass and judging anyone here.
When it comes to women, if a woman was not given the right amount of attention as a kid from her father then she risks developing wrong perceptions towards relationships later in life. The reason is because a child that gets the right amount of attention from her parents do not seek that attention later on in life.
If a girl doesn't get the right type of attention from her father as a child then she will constantly be drawn to drama and seek out emotional validation in adult relationships.
The problem is she feels she has to seek that approval, if the approval is given to her naturally which a nice guy does then she will feel bored. It's the same as a child not respecting his/her parents if doted on all the time, whilst seeking them out if they don't get the required attention.
A jerk attracts such women because the jerk is constantly creating drama, treating the girl like crap, not showing he cares, or threatens to walk out of the relationship. So the girl will chase the guy to seek emotional validtion and in the process become dependent on the guy even though he's clearly treating her badly.
In other words the attachment and commitment a woman gives a man during marriage and a stable relationship works the other way around in an unhealthy relationship. It makes her attached to a jerk that's clearly treating her badly, and then she can't break away emotionally even if her head tells her otherwise.
Broken families is only one thing that leads to insecurities. Wanting to get married badly, always feeling lonely, etc, can all lead to bad relationship choices.
How to solve this issue? You play it safe with every guy you meet, and you do it by getting the order right:
Get to know him
Find reasons to trust him
Rely on him
Commit to him
Many women these days have sex with a guy first before getting to know a guy, and then because she becomes hormonally and emotionally attached to the guy, she starts to trust the guy and rely on the guy when he doesn't even deserve it.
When you get to know someone first in the same way as a friend then you can see what their real personality is like. Your perception is not based on the sweet talk or the charm, which are elevated fake personalities to get a woman hooked in the first place.
When you accurately assess a guy, spot and DON'T OVERLOOK problematic behaviors, you then trust him, not the other way around because you are attracted to the guy and want to be with him.
When trust is built you can then safely rely on the guy. If you get the order wrong and you commit to him first, rely on the guy first, then he could be treating you like crap and you're just one of a dozen girls he's playing and you'll still pine after him.
Here's the really hard part. Have sex last. Why is it hard? Well you risk losing the guy and for that guy to walk out on you. Many women these days don't want to take that risk, or they feel attracted and went for it. But the thing is if a guy isn't even willing to stay with a girl for at least a month or two before she's observed him closely and walks off for the lack of sex, then you've got nothing to lose, since it was sex he was after in the first place.
Jerk thrive in the modern dating environment because many women no longer do this and have sex too early with a guy. What? You don't believe that a guy will hang around for an extended period of time before having sex? Well I'm pretty sure all the healthy relationships I've seen my friends in didn't start off with early sex.
It is a modern myth that guys will not chase a girl for a month or two without the reward of sex, and walks out because of the lack of sex. It's only the jerks that can't wait that long, and hence if you've always dated jerks then the best way to filter them out is have a guy chase you for a month without having sex with the guy. Take that month or two to really get to know the guy well.
Tough huh? Well, that's one of the reasons you might have a jerk for a boyfriend. The even tougher part is even if you are attracted in the first month or two, but you spot problematic behaviors, you have to have the guts to walk away from a guy you are otherwise attracted to.
Also, don't assume if a guy's nice or interesting, or fun, or has many friends he's going to be a good partner. Public persona and what a person's like privately in a relationship are two totally different things. After all most players I know have a lot of friends and are fun to be with.
You have to be willing to ditch a person you feel attraction and chemistry towards if you want to find a nice guy. Most jerks are attractive at the start then change to their real personality later. To spot the real deal you have to have time on your side.
When you have time on your side you have more strength to push for what you want. You either push for change or walk out on the guy. Leave that till later and you're emotionally attached and well............you'll be playing this song....
Saturday, September 26, 2009
I went clubbing with 7 people tonight and one of the girls I kinda like but I can tell she just wasn't interested and when everyone spread out her and another girl went and spent the entire night with some guys I know that are players. Maybe they're just friends.
But get this.
Meanwhile as I was going wtf, the only gay guy in our group dances with loads of girls. So I start testing this all out. Bad boys > gay men > nice guys.
So I go hit on girls like I usually do and get responses.
Then I walk straight up to two girls say I'm 100% gay and make them laugh and get them to dance with me.
But then I act like a nice guy and crash and burn 100% of the time.
WOMEN ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO NICE GUYS!
Why the hell are all my female friends asking me to intro nice guys to them? If I introduce you to them you're going to complain they're friggin boring! At least ask for exactly what you want, ie NICE and CONFIDENT/FUN, but no one ever mentions the words confident or fun......
The reason there seem to be no nice (AKA nice and confident) guys out there is because if you cut out all the jerks and the nice "boring wimps". Then you got a small percentage of the men left, and most of those (since they respect women) are already in a commited relationship and not screwing around.
The reality is there are few nice guys that have a backbone. Most nice guys will jump when a woman goes "doggy, jump!". Whilst most of the men with backbones that don't fear the consequences of their actions, just don't give a crap about a woman's feelings.
If you want to find the type of man that's strong and interesting, but also a loving husband, like Mel Gibson's character in Braveheart (minus the kilt) you're going about it the wrong way if you think you can turn an outgoing jerk into one.
Love doesn't turn an asshole into a nice person. Well maybe for 2-3 years but not forever. Who the hell dreamt of the changing guy theory anyway? Hollywood?
So basically 100% of the single female population are competing for 2-3% of the single male population that are strong and nice at the same time. That's why there's a shortage of "nice" (aka Nice and confident) guys all over the world. That's why "there are no nice guys out there" is a complaint voiced by single women everywhere.
Solution? Everyone GO FOR THE GAY MEN!
(for the real solution you can contact me personally or just buy the friggin book when it comes out)
Friday, September 25, 2009
The first half of my book explains how to spot jerks and how to avoid them. The second half of the book explains how to attract decent men, and the positive thinking processes required to get them.
Monday, August 24, 2009
This is too funny, I was laughing so hard. At first I thought it must have been a fake but then I did some research and found this guy is for real........
Monday, May 18, 2009
Please note if the question is good, I'll probably stick it in my book. Cheers
Monday, May 11, 2009
Life's just too short to be miserable. Hence I'm now writing my book full time. Wish me luck, will come up with a post here later in the month when I'm taking a break from writing.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Although I hate to quote movies, this is a great quote, because it clearly explains one of the most important things about relationships for both men and women.
One of the secrets of being more attractive is if you don't actually worry about losing the other person. When a partner starts to withdrawl or not treat you well, it's more effective to be indifferent than to chase them and act insecure or needy. Of course if you really like them that's going to be hard to do, but that's where the secret lies.
The other side of following through with this is of course, if the other person doesn't really care about you then they won't chase anyway. That's not to say to everyone should dump their partners immediately to test this theory out. The point is, if the partner is lukewarm or not treating you well, you've got nothing to lose by dumping them.
Of course it's going to hurt, that's why it's important to focus on the point that you've got nothing to lose.
Monday, April 20, 2009
It depends on the definition of easy. A better way to explain it here in Asia is there's a skew. It's much easier for an elligible guy in Asia to meet and pick up many women, much easier than the West. The average guy however finds it much harder.
The skew is even greater in China or Taiwan. The problem is with the Chinese culture (and yes I'm Chinese, I'm not being racist) which gives people more pressure to find $ and get married than Western cultures that are more laid back about money and marriage.
Therefore eligible guys find it much easier to get a girl whether for the short term or a proper relationship because they can play on the desires of the girl. In the US a not very outgoing guy who actually has a decent job will find it much harder to find a decent girl compared to here.
On the other side of the scale many average Chinese guys can't afford to date HK girls, and/or they might be lacking in personality. So there's a horde of local guys that have gone to China to find wives. With the mass exodus, it skews the single and available sex ratio and makes the competition for elligible guys even tougher for the girls, and easier for the eligible guys.
Of course not even woman in Asia puts huge emphasize on a guys wealth but it doesn't matter if you don't, because other girls are competing with you. Women in Asia really should lower their standards on what the guy makes, and raise the standards on how men treat them and what those men can get away with.
If overnight all women dumped men that cheated, or treated their GFs poorly. You know what would happen? Men would fear not being able to find a gf or wife and behave better. As long as a large % of women are willing to put up with men behaving badly, then that ruins it for all women.
Monday, April 13, 2009
The global pick up artist community has been steadily growing for a number of years now. For those that are not familiar with what pick up artists are or PUA, they are guys who go out of their way to deliberately learn what make women tick and how to chat them up.
The Chinese guys in the Pearl Report were really poor in my opinion, lacking confidence and couldn't talk smoothly. But some of the top PUA in the US or around the world have extremely high success rates.
If you read the methods they're created, it's quite amazing. They've basically broken down the process of seduction into learnable steps, from opening lines, to how to act in front of women, to how to build comfort with women, until they have sex with the man.
As with all useful tools and weapons, there are of course going to be people that benefit, and those that will abuse the system. The PUA methods will help men that were unable to attract women, whilst creating new legions of players that will use the methods to get loads of women to have sex with them.
In Asia, a guy with money and relatively confident already has a huge advantage in meeting women. I'm not sure the PUA business will have as much demand here as in the West were the pick up process is relatively harder. Curious what the girls think about this new invasion in Asia.
Friday, March 27, 2009
You may have heard of the book and movie "he's just not that into you". It's so hard for women to see the truth and tear themselves away from jerks sometimes that they had to write a book to point out the obvious. In fact, no need for me to explain any of this, if you're a woman then you'll know better than me how difficult it's to pull yourself away from a jerk that you like.
However, what's even more interesting or strange is that many women I've spoken to don't have nearly the same difficulty emotionally when breaking up with a boyfriend they find boring or if they're lost respect for the guy.
In other words if you're a guy you're more likely to be dumped for being a loser than for being a jerk to women.
Ok, so this doesn't seem to make sense, but if you've read some of the older posts on this blog you would understand that much of what we do in relationships isn't driven by logic and conscious thoughts, but by our instincts that we inherited and evolved from cavemen days.
In cavemen days, survival was the key. So women would pick the fittest males, the weaker ones would be more likely to die from getting eaten by predators, or from inter tribal warfare. Nice isn't part of the equation, survival was. So if her man treated her badly and she immediately left the man, then there was serious risks to the survival of her and her children.
Therefore the body (or a woman's genes) have a built in mechanism that avoids this. It makes women more emotionally attached to men they think are stronger, even if those men are jerks.
Men that don't show much value however are easier to dump, even if they treat a woman better because they aren't seen as possessing as much value.
The emotions that make leaving a jerk so hard is just part of a woman's natural instinct to get the best genes from a man, and also to ensure her survival. In the modern world however, it means that women are often emotionally attached to jerks who they logically don't want to be with, and require a book and a movie to point out an otherwise relatively obvious point.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The show started off with the narrator stating that the status or HK women have been rising over the years, and some HK men feel that some HK women are too demanding. There are even groups and blogs on the internet where men complain about Gong Nui, with one group that has over 1000 members.
So what are the characteristics of a Gong Nui?
1) Too materialistic, the boyfriend must buy stuff for her as a sign that he values and is nice to her.
2) If the boyfriend doesn't dote on the girl then she'll get all upset.
3) They try to act like "a cute princess", especially when they take pics, with lots of V shaped signs pointing up. I go check my own facebook, and indeed, lots of girls pretending they're Winston Churchill! But to be honest, this is not the characteristic of HK girls alone, it’s been exported from Japan.
4) Girls don't need to pay for their drinks, in fact it's a guy's honor to be able to hang out with a pretty girl that he needs to buy drinks for.
5) Way too into their expensive brand named products.
Apparently there are 81 problems that Gong Nui have that HK men don't like.
The main thing HK guys don't like is that Gong Nui say they want equality and equal status with men, but unlike many of their Western counterparts seem to want a lot of materialistic perks. For example there's the "63.8 incident" where a guy took a girl out to a movie, and then afterwards they went to the supermarket where she bought something that cost $63.8 and then he waited for her to pay, instead of buying it for her. She got really upset she had to pay for this and posted her complaint on the internet about how cheap the guy was.
The second thing is that Gong Nui seem to want to be treated like a princess, or they'll get pissed off. If the girl buys a new item of clothing, or cuts her hair by an inch, HK guys are suppose to notice. Although to be honest I think this is a global phenomenon where men notice changes in women less so than women themselves.
The show then moved to an interview of a couple where the wife asked her husband after dating 6 months if he would give all his money to her after marriage. She had dumped an earlier boyfriend for looking shocked at this concept. When she posted their story on the internet, she got bombarded with hundreds of emails from men complaining that she was a gold digger, stealing, and controlling her man too much.
Some of the girls explained that it's not being materialistic, it's just being realistic. In this society you need money, and if you don't have money people will look down on you.
A HK director even decided to make a movie on Gong Mui. He said in order to research for the movie, he asked girls in Japan, China, Taiwan and HK if they would rather be with:
a) A guy that's fun and exciting to be with but ultimately a bad boy.
b) A good guy that's faithful, but is boring.
Girls from the other countries were willing to pick one or the other, but HK girls tended to want both or stay single. It seemed like the director was bewildered at such high expectations, although I think he should really try asking the same questions outside of Asia.
The things that I found the most interesting though were the things that girls spent so much time and money to maintain which they felt the guys needed, but the guys themselves were not too worried about.
For example when it came to brand names, one girl also mentioned that guys would naturally want to take a girlfriend out that wore or carried expensive brand names, since that would also make him look good.
What these girls don’t get is that unless we're friggin rich and needed that image, 99.9% of men couldn't care less if their girlfriends wore expensive brands. Women wrongly assume that buying expensive brands make them more attractive to men, it doesn't. It's more a women competing with women behavior.
When it came to weight, a bunch of gym instructors came out and said that women really shouldn't complain about being too fat if they're around or below 100 lbs. But the girls that do fret about being too fat explain they get a lot of pressure from their boyfriends checking out other girls, and commenting about hot looking female stars, and also they need to keep themselves looking good in case they go back on the singles scene.
Guys, especially Asian guys do prefer slim girls. But I think it's interesting that many HK girls are more concern about their looks than the men themselves, it's probably a product of all the marketing that's going on around them.
Overall I think the show did point out some valid complaints that HK men have about some HK women, especially when it came to materialism.
A week later the second episode aired, and this time it was about HK guys.
What was funny though is that there wasn't nearly as many interviews with women about the problems women saw in men. The show just featured geeks, and HK guys that play too much computer games, and that was it.
I felt it was a real cop out, nothing about any guys that are still sexist or chauvinistic. Or the womanizing that goes on across the border, having a second wife in China etc, or guys hitting on multiple girls at the same time.
Then I realized.......The producers of the show must all be HK men.
Original clip of first episode on youtube:
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
He's got a lovely wife, who can joke around and party like one of the lads. Him and his wife both have good jobs, they have a big apartment in Shanghai which looks very comfortable, and they have a baby on the way.
Then I look at myself, and I feel like I'm a million miles away from such a lifestyle. Got an apartment, but feel poor, insecure because of the credit crunch, not married, and not comfortable taking care of myself, let alone a kid.
10 years ago, me and my best friend were at the same place in our lives, playing computer games and just enjoying life. We actually did the same when I went to Shanghai, on the Friday night I didn't even go clubbing, we just played Poker with some friends of ours and shot zombies on his playstation till 5am. It was the most expensive gaming session I've ever had.
Sat night was his birthday dinner, and clubbing at bling. Got a chance to chat to the Shanghai crew. My friend's group of friends up in Shanghai, but also friends of mine now that I've been them so many times.
One of the guys there sells lubricants to other companies, or LUB as he called it. A few of us stood there for 10 minutes cracking up jobs about lubricants and all their applications. I hadn't laughed so hard in my life. Then I looked around at all the thirty year olds (more or less).
Thirty is an interesting age because we can be at all sorts of different places in life by the time we're 30. Married with kids, or unsure about marriage, and joking about lubricants with a bunch of other guys.
I just hope the time bubble pops one day, because surely this can't be as good as it gets!
Friday, February 20, 2009
As for wearing bikinis? I don't think there's a prob in doing that, just be weary of guys that are hitting on you whilst wearing one.
It may seem obvious that men perceive women in sexy bathing suits as objects, but now there's science to back it up.
New research shows that, in men, the brain areas associated with handling tools and the intention to perform actions light up when viewing images of women in bikinis.
The research was presented this week by Susan Fiske, professor of psychology at Princeton University, at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science.
"This is just the first study which was focused on the idea that men of a certain age view sex as a highly desirable goal, and if you present them with a provocative woman, then that will tend to prime goal-related responses," she told CNN.
Although consistent with conventional wisdom, the way that men may depersonalize sexual images of women is not entirely something they control. In fact, it's a byproduct of human evolution, experts say. The first male humans had an incentive to seek fertile women as the means of spreading their genes.
"They're not fully conscious responses, and so people don't know the extent to which they're being influenced," Fiske said. "It's important to recognize the effects."
The participants, 21 heterosexual male undergraduates at Princeton, took questionnaires to determine whether they harbor "benevolent" sexism, which includes the belief that a woman's place is in the home, or hostile sexism, a more adversarial viewpoint which includes the belief that women attempt to dominate men.
In the men who scored highest on hostile sexism, the part of the brain associated with analyzing another person's thoughts, feelings and intentions was inactive while viewing scantily clad women, Fiske said.
Men also remember these women's bodies better than those of fully-clothed women, Fiske said. Each image was shown for only a fraction of a second.
This study looked specifically at men, and did not test women's responses to similar images.
A supplementary study on both male and female undergraduates found that men tend to associate bikini-clad women with first-person action verbs such as I "push," "handle" and "grab" instead of the third-person forms such as she "pushes," "handles" and "grabs." They associated fully clothed women, on the other hand, with the third-person forms, indicating these women were perceived as in control of their own actions. The females who took the test did not show this effect, Fiske said.
That goes along with the idea that the man looking at a woman in a bikini sees her as the object of action, Fiske said.
The findings are consistent with previous work in the field, and resonate, for example, with the abundance of female strip clubs in comparison to male strip clubs, said Dr. Charles Raison, psychiatrist and director of the Mind/Body Institute at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. Raison was not involved in the study.
Previous research found that people tend to similarly dehumanize those who are homeless or drug addicts, although the phenomenon in this case is somewhat different, Fiske said. People have reactions of avoidance toward the homeless and drug addicts, and the opposite for scantily clad women.
The broader purpose of the research was to explore circumstances under which people treat one another as the means to an end, Fiske said.
Past studies have also shown that when men view images of highly sexualized women, and then interact with a woman in a separate setting, they are more likely to have sexual words on their minds, she said. They are also more likely to remember the woman's physical appearance, and sit closer to her -- for instance, at a job interview.
Taken together, the research suggests that viewing certain images is not appropriate in the workplace, Fiske said.
"I'm not advocating censorship, but I do think people need to know what settings should discourage the display and possession of these kinds of things," she said.
Both women and men have something to learn from this line of research, Raison said. Women should be aware of how they are perceived when wearing provocative clothing, and men shouldn't let feelings of impersonal sexual longing interfere with their more personal relationships with other women, including female friends. "Many men make foolish choices because of sexual attraction," he said.
"The suggestion might be that there's some hard-wiring there that can interfere with the average man's ability to interact on deeper levels with really hot looking stranger women in bikinis," he said.
Women may also depersonalize men in certain situations, but published research on the subject has not been done, experts say. Evolutionary psychology would theorize that men view women as objects in terms of their youth and apparent fertility, while women might view men as instrumental in terms of their status and resources, Fiske said.
Another avenue to explore would be showing images of men's wives and girlfriends in bikinis, Raison said. He predicts the objectifying effect would not happen in this context.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Girls seem to love this day, and honestly, most guys don't really like this day because of all the pressure. Just take this guy for example.
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart and as they had NOT been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note; romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves, The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the sales mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.
If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are eaiser to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love.
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Someone also mentioned that they knew of a guy that insisted his GF moved in for a few months before he was willing to marry her.
Again that could just mean he doesn't trust her, and that could mean other problems develop later.
But what if things were much more simple that all of the above points? What if living together just makes people raving mad and want to kill each other? Maybe that's why there's such a high divorce rate these days? As another poster commented:
"Luckily for me, it is the opposite. My husband and I lived together for a long time before getting married and got all the shit that pisses each other off out of the way....or actually we just learned to live with it :)"
What happens if people can't get over all the shit that pisses each other off? Then I started thinking of all the worst things that can happen with living together, and it all started to make sense why. I came up with all the worst things people can possible do whilst living with someone else and it wasn't pretty.
10)You clean up the apartment one night, and when you get back from work the next night, you're partner's messed up the apartment.
9) You're trying to take a nap and hysterical laughter erupts in the next room because your partner was watching a comedy.
8) The guy never puts down the toilet seat....... no 1 reason for modern day divorces.
7) You're eating breakfast and suddenly a naked person runs out of the bathroom dripping water on the floor because there wasn't a towel in there.
6) You've just washed your whites, and your partner didn't know the load was clean, sticks their undies in there, and the worse thing is there's a big skid mark on it.
5) The guy thinks it's ok to leave the toilet door open whilst taking a dump.
4) You have to get to work at 7:30 the next morning. You wake up in the middle of the night, and your partner's snoring resembles the mating call of an African baboon.
3) The guy (girls surely won't do this) picks his nose, rolls it up and then puts it in the girl's plant pot, thinking that it's effective fertilizer. (I've seen a guy do this actually).
2) Your partner frequently farts in bed, and his/her explaination is that you can't smell it when it's under the covers.
1) Last but not least....... the guy doesn't know it's that time of the month, and picks a fight when his girlfriend is .........
If you're single or don't have to deal with this crap, consider yourself lucky!
Monday, January 19, 2009
For those familiar with the stats, living together is meant to increase the chances the couple will get divorced if they married, compared to couples that didn't live together first.
I've known this stat for a while, but it seemed strange. Surely if two people already got to know each other then there is less chance of divorce later? Living together afterall gives the relationship a trail run before marriage.
Divorce isn't the only worry. Seems like it affects a lot of other things as well:
Living together results in higher chance that the couple has more negative communication in their marriages later.
People who lived together first have lower martial satisfaction.
Infidelity rate is higher.
Physical abuse rates is higher.
So why does this happen? It's pretty significant finding considering lots of people these days live together prior to marriage.
It seems that it's not actually the experience of living together that changes people, rather the people that live together before marriage already have characterisitcs that put them at risk of divorce and unsatisfying marriages. Many people want to try living together because they are already more worried about divorce or less faith in marriage as an institution. They worry so want to try living together.
So their attitudes set them up for failure.
Also, when people live together, because their lives get intertwined, it makes it much harder to leave the relationship. Therefore a less commited couple is forced by the situation into marriage. They're not really as commited, but decide, well since they've been together so long, might as well get married anyway. They've shared their lives together, have common friends, finances and property may have been shared. They share so much together it's hard to split up. Constraints have propelled them forward, not dedication.
Those at the greatest risk are those that are in love but aren't sure about a future together, because then when they are no longer in love, they find it much harder to leave. Engaged couples don't seem to be affected by these forces as much.
If you're living with someone then don't freak out. But be aware that if someone has to be dragged to the altar, it's indication of many more draggings to come. A mate who commits reluctantly (because of living together) does not make for a good marriage.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
It was a beautiful day, we were out at Taipo by a lake, and the weather was just right. The ceremony was very touching, made me feel happy for the couple and actually made me feel good inside.
I had actually missed the serving tea to elders and the groom getting the bride and all the games in the morning. Most of them got up at 5:30am to get ready. By the afternoon I could see some people already looked tired.
We then went to Tsim Sha Tsui for the wedding banquet. It was pretty big, 22 tables. The bride's father has a very big family, he has 7 brothers and a sister. So that means a lot of relatives. Which is great, nice to have a big extended family.
But what wasn't cool, was when everyone asked me when I was going to propose to my girlfriend! I was actually sitting on the table with all the relatives on the bride's side, and throughout the whole meal I could tell their aunt was trying to find out what type of person I was like. She was checking me out with a bunch of very smart questions.
At the end of the night I was even asked to stand with the rest of the family, so I could escort all the guests out. It was really weird because I wasn't a member of the family yet!
Great day, interesting experience. I just wonder if I can handle all the pressure when I get married. Would I want to "perform" in front of 22 tables? I mean yeah, we celebrate at weddings to show the world that we want to spend the rest of our lives with someone. But all the traditions make it feel like we're performing for everyone else, and make the whole experience seem a little daunting.