Wednesday, June 4, 2008

June/ Chapter 7: Negotiating power

When it comes to work and business most people can act professional and controlled. Very few people act visibly emotional even if they're not happy with their situation. Occassionally you might get the nutcase that takes a semi automatic to the office and blows everyone away, but most people hide their feelings.

That's so different when it comes to relationships. People will show visible emotions when upset and can be totally out of control. Although relationships are based on emotions, you still have to be smart about emotions because they can ruin a relationship.

It's a pity but loving someone doesn't mean you'll get the same treatment back. I would say this happens in at least 9 out of 10 relationships. One party will be more interested and involved than the other party. Lots of people even get married when one party is in love and the other party just feels like they can't do any better or should settle down. The irony is if you treat someone too well, they will tend to lose interest.

Someone that's dependant on another person has less power, no leverage, and appears unattractive. People will be attracted to something that's hard to get and something they will lose. It's sad I know. Try this......ask for a raise at work and get rejected. Then throw a resignation letter in their face and if they want you they'll match the offer. People are generally the same, and if they threaten to leave and the person lets you walk away, don't be sad......... because they didn't really love you and you were wasting time with them anyway.

So it's important to be able to show affection without your partner taking advantage of the situation. That generally comes from open communication. It doesn't come from being needy, or trying to control your partner, or crying, or throwing temper tantrums. If you need to actively control someone in a relationship, then you've probably lost control long ago.

If you find yourself in the situation where the other person seems to love you less, and you're more in love with them and don't want to give up on the relationship., then try the following:

Always listen, and if there are problems talk in a mature manner.

Buying gifts for a girl on special occassions is always good.

Dressing sexy for a guy is always good.

Respecting the other person is always good.

But never get needy, that's just annoying and a turn off. Unless you have a real situation related problem, problems at work, with family etc. If you don't get support then, then the person is a waste of time.

Never do the silent treatment. It's immature and if the other person wants to talk, you will just look stupid.

Try not to cry, it can work with some guys. With others it's just annoying and they won't want to deal with it.

Don't try to control someone and throw tantrums. Whilst that might work in the short term, the other person will probably do exactly what you don't like behind your back.

Never spoil someone.

If you've done all that and the other person still doesn't care. Write them a resignation letter.

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