Friday, February 19, 2010

How not to become a man's mistress

So the other day whilst out on a date with my girlfriend (yeah I’m going out with a girl now) she mentioned something I found pretty interesting. When she was single about half the guys that were hitting on her were married or had girlfriends. Half! That’s fucking huge!

In addition to that two other girls told me they had “a lot” of female friends that have had affairs with married men and got burnt as a result, and specifically requested this note. So I figured maybe I should write such a note. If you’re tagged in this note it doesn’t mean you date married men or guys with girlfriends. But you may have a female friend that has in the past, or still does so you might want to pass it on.

Just a couple of disclaimers:

To all the ladies and especially my girlfriend who care about a lot and I hope is not freaked out by the title. I picked the title only because it will get attention: I am writing this series of notes (The Anti-Game) to help women. This note goes into a very detailed analysis of why men cheat. It explains exact moves, lies, manipulative techniques, and thought processes. Now just because I am writing all this, it doesn’t mean I am going to cheat on my girlfriend or my future wife. Having the ability to do something and doing something are two different things. I’m a big guy and if I got in a fist fight with most guys I can probably kill a man, but that doesn’t mean I get into fights. I am able to read human psychology well, and just sharing this information with you so you or your friends don’t get played.

To any men that cheat and clicked on this note: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game”. If you clicked on this note I have no fucking idea if you cheat or not. No names are mentioned in this note, so if you get butt hurt reading it, it’s not me judging you, it’s your conscience judging yourself. If you don’t like it, know this. My dad cheated on my mum when I was 3, and I haven’t seen him in 28 years. So if you want to cheat then that’s your call, but don’t get butt hurt when your wives divorces you, and you never get to see your kids ever again. We make our own choices in life and we have to live with them.

Ok, so why do men cheat?

Men cheat because we’re biologically driven to spread our seed. Just think of animal planet or national geographic. The male deer/ lion/ human that have the most females will have the most offspring and thus will pass on more of their genes.

Women that cheat, cheat for a different evolutionary reason to men. Women are geared to find the strongest male they can get, so if the male they’re currently with turns out to be “not good enough”, a woman that cheats will often start looking around whilst keeping the original male hooked to provide a sense of security. There are a lot of women that do this, so don’t assume it’s only men that play women.

Note that men may cheat even if they’re happily married because they simply want extra sexual variety. They’re usually not looking to move on to the next woman, and that’s the key difference between men and women. Women cheat to look for better quality, men tend to cheat for sexual variety.

You might think that’s wrong because we’re not animals……..but we are, humans are just animals with a bigger brain than most other animals. The sad thing is even if you teach humans the right morals, humans will still often do selfish shit or stupid things that hurt ourselves because of our nature. Yes, we’re all pretty much mentally retarded and need a slap in the face once in a while.

But when it comes to men generally the more successful and powerful a man is the more likely he is to cheat. Just think of Bill Clinton, David Letterman, Tiger Woods, Hugh Grant, and sadly even the great Martin Luther King. All highly successful, hence all attract many women, all biologically driven to spread their seed and all cheat like crazy. I could come up with a list of men about a mile long, and those are just the guys that got caught.

It’s not just celebrities either. Bankers, lawyers, successful businessmen, male models, basically any man that can attract a lot of women is more likely to cheat because he has more options.
On the other end of the spectrum I know plenty of nice guys that can’t even get a date with a girl because they just don’t know how. Don’t ask me to introduce them to you, you won’t like them, and you might be bored out of your fucking mind on a date with one of these guys. In fact these guys are easy to find, and much less likely to cheat because they don’t have the option to cheat. But few women feel chemistry or attraction for them.

Women tend to gravitate to stronger males. So basically the top 10% of the male population are dating, and sleeping around with probably 50% of the women. The next 50% of the male population are dating the other 50% of the women, and something in the region of 40% of the men out there rarely have the chance to date any women.

So does that mean there are no faithful AND successful men out there? No of course not. Men have a responsibility to police themselves. If I was married and some hot girl flirted with me I have the ability to fight against my animal instincts. It’s called self control and not succumbing to temptation. Actually you might want to help your man police himself by sticking a GPS tracking device on his penis, but might be a bit contentious!

Fewer and fewer people these days exercise self control. Many people these days just go with their feelings without thinking about the consequences of their actions, which is why the dating scene has changed so much (for the worse) in the last 50 years.

But what’s more interesting is why do SOME women pick men that already have wives and girlfriends?

Well first of all they see a successful guy, and the see that he’s already been picked by another woman so obviously has something going for him, and then for some reason forget that the guy is CHEATING!

Women tend to be born with two weaknesses, and it’s the same two weaknesses that causes women to pick bad men in general. I strongly suggest you write down these two weaknesses and remember them for life, and share them with your friends and your daughters.

1) Many women would like to think they are so special they can change a man. Women with this weakness think they can turn an asshole into a good partner, or a married man will drop his wife and kids just for her, because she’s special and able to beat the odds.

2) Many women when they start to feel attracted they no longer see a man for who he really is, but see him for who they want him to be. They create a fairy tale in their head and see the guy as who they want him to be in this fairy tale, instead of objectively looking at the guy as who he really is with all his fucked up flaws.

Men who play women know of these two weaknesses and they do something that effectively play off these two natural weaknesses. They do their best to try to prove to women that there’s hope for a future together, and that’s where the manipulation starts to come in.

A man that’s looking to cheat will usually disclose at the beginning that he already has a wife or girlfriend. Sure some cheating men hide this fact, but men who know how to cheat know if the new girl finds out he’s lying then the chances of having an extended relationship is gone.

Another reason to disclose he already has a partner is to disarm the girl he’s going after and make the girl trust him. He wants the girl to know he is not lying about this particular point, and since he is already taken the irony is the woman will tend to relax and have her guard down compared to say if she met a guy that’s obviously making a blatant approach which immediately raises her defenses.

Once the man has disclosed he already has a partner he then hangs out with the girl he’s after to flirt and show his value. Men that already have women are often attractive because they are confident. They are confident because they have someone at home to fall back on if they fail, so they don’t act all desperate about a girl the way a single guy might act.

The man will then use the woman’s lowered guard to get closer and treat her really well, be charming and show his “nice” side.

Then once he feels the girl is showing some initial attraction he throws in the deceptive line.

“I don’t think I love my wife anymore”


“Things are not working out with my girlfriend. I might break up with her soon”

Now the man might truly have fallen out of love with his wife, but it’s still deception. It’s deceptive because he not really thinking of leaving his wife, he just makes it seem like he will.

The lie is thrown out for two reasons.

1) It gives the new girl hope he’s going to leave his previous partner pretty soon, for her.

2) It removes a lot of the guilt the girl feels for being with a guy that already has a partner. By telling her things are not good with his wife and girlfriend anyway, she feels she’s not the one breaking up the previous relationship.

Once the hope is thrown out there and the man starts having a sexual relationship with the new woman, the new woman usually becomes emotionally attached and left hoping, whilst the man is well……..spreading his seed.

Know this.

When it comes to guys with girlfriends: Whilst some men with girlfriends leave the old girlfriend for a new girlfriend, most don’t, and can you really trust a guy that’s cheating? If he’s doing that to another person, can you really trust that he won’t do it to you in future? Shouldn’t you find a guy that has the guts to leave his previous girlfriend before looking for a new one?

When it comes to men with wives: Most men that are married will never leave their wives for a mistress. Most married men that are cheating are trying to get sex on the side, because they’re bored of having sex with the same woman for so long and want variety. But they have too much to lose if they leave the first woman. They will break up their own family or end up in a messy divorce and lose a lot of $.

So basically men that are cheating are throwing hope out there for women that respond to this hope, so they can then have sex with these women. It’s like there are all these invisible fishing lines flying through the air, with hope acting as the bait, and once in a while a woman that’s insecure and lonely takes the bait and then the guy’s in.

But I’m sorry ladies. I can’t just put the blame on men. If you have a relationship with a married man then the chances are you already knew he was married. No one put a fucking gun to your brain and told you to do it.

I can think of hundreds of things in life that are dangerous. They include:
1) Skiing down Mount Everest wearing a bikini.
2) Covering yourself in honey and wrestling a bear.
3) Cutting yourself all over then jumping into a shark infested ocean.
4) Running naked through the streets of Islamabad with a sign on your ass that says “Smack this booty!”

Oh and one more:

5) Getting involved and then emotionally attached with a married man.

If you want an attractive male then go find your own man, not some other woman’s man. You need to shape up and get some self respect for yourself and give some to your female peers.

Now if you have a problem doing that because you’re lonely and you get emotionally attached easily then remember you are not going to live forever. You will die one day, so I think loneliness is not your only problem. Since you’re going to die soon then maybe happiness should be your main aim in life and you are not going to get it with a man that’s already taken.

Sorry for that reality bitch slap but really if you want help that’s pretty much the only help I can give. What else can I add on top of the common sense issue of not going for married men? At least now you know how the game is run, so the next time a married man is hitting on you, just throw your drink in his face and tell him to fuck off home to his wife.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

This decade I will turn 40..........WTF.........ah!!!!

As I was waiting for the arrival of 2010 just a couple of days ago a rather scary thought popped into my mind. At some point near the end of this decade I will turn 40. Not only that, if this decade passes as fast as the last decade then it's going to happen in a blink of an eye.

I can't escape it............I AM GETTING OLD.

Not so old that I'm going to end up in a wheelchair with a nurse to wipe my bum. I can look forward to that in a few more decades. But I'm getting old enough to grow manboobs, get a fat ass, grow a beer gut and turn into an Asian Jabba the hut. (who am I kidding, that already happened last decade)

Now don't laugh at me, because if I'm friends with you then you're in the same boat, and this note is to make sure this year you actually do something productive with your life, because if you don't then death and decay will surely follow.

If you're a man then this is the decade where you realize you can't play sports the way you used to. You're going to envy the young lads that still have it, and the only sports you'll be doing if you're not careful is flipping through the pay per view channels on a Sunday afternoon.

If you're a woman you're not in a good position either. Don't hate me for pointing out reality. But you're probably going to start growing a beard this decade.

So let's just all age the best way we can by following the resolutions below.

1) Get ripped
Last decade was the decade of decadence and debauchery. It was the decade of beer and big macs. No fucking way am I doing the same this decade. This decade we're getting ripped. This is the decade where we stop pointing out that we need to finish our food because there are starving kids in Africa. This is the decade where we stop paying for gym memberships that we never use. This is the decade where we tell ourselves, "No pain, no gain!"

If you don't:
Get into a regular exercise routine or you will probably die from heart diease. Or worse, you start to grow a fat ass that starts to sag, and when you go to the beach young kids will point at you and laugh.

2) Eat healthy
Eating healthy goes hand in hand with getting fit. The only thing I have issue with is that eating healthy costs a lot more and actually takes effort to go shop in the right places. But if you refer to point 3, then the highers costs won't be a problem this decade.

One upside to eating healthy is that a lot of the dishes requires that you cook yourself. That's good whether you're a woman or a man. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and chicks dig men that can cook. So thumbs up all around if you're a good cook.

If you don't:
You'll probably develop high blood pressure, and die from a heart attack whilst having sex. Although that might be a good way to go.

3) Get filthy rich
If you're a man, then building your personal empire is your prerogative this decade. How rich you are will determine whether you are a winner or loser in society. So short of beating up a old Granny and stealing her purse then anything goes.

That means you should become a lawyer, banker, life insurance salesman, develop some pyramid scheme or some ponzy scheme and rip off your own friends.

If you're a woman then marry a rich man (like Tiger Woods) and document his infidelity. Then take half his shit.

If you don't:
If you're single and a man, this is the decade where you either get rich and meet a fine woman, or you might as well download porn for the rest of your life. Let's face it, you might have been handsome and poor before, but once you're an old fart and poor, women won't even bother to talk to you.

If you're a woman...........Men are cheating scumbags anyway. So you might as well rip them off. Just remember to do it AFTER you marry them, the number of gold diggers that think it's smart to do it before getting married makes me sick.

4) Learn how to be beautiful
This doesn't apply to most of the women I know because most of them are stunningly beautiful anyway. This just applies to the men.

Fly over to Korea and get some really cheap skincare products. Then get your ass down to Bangkok and find some ladyboy that teaches you how to make yourself look even more beautiful than 90% of the women out there.

Even better, if you're old and ugly you can just stay in Thailand and spend the rest of your life hugging a ladyboy who will love you only because your money goes a long way in Thailand.
If you don't:

You're going to end up like Mickey Rourke. Once a handsome stud, now they find him everytime they need someone for the role of a freak.

5) Learn something fun, and interesting every year.

None of us are going to live forever so we might as well fit as much as possible into our lives, and do some fun and exciting stuff. This year we're going to learn how to scuba dive. Next year we will go skydiving and shoot some videos of cool moves we do in the air, etc.

If you don't:
Nothing bad will happen. But instead of turning into an old fart, you'll be a boring old fart.

6) Get married
If you're a woman and you want to get married, that's normal, it's practically programmed into your genes. However, I will just add, if you really want to get married then you better use logic and strategy to get a man to settle down, rather than get swept away in feelings and getting played. This is real life, and not a chick flick, so be goal orientated.

I'm a man, I am ready to get married now. If you're a woman send me your contact details, or introduce your single friends to me. I'm serious, THIS IS NOT A JOKE!

If you don't:
Fear of commitment.......this applies to men a lot more than women. If you think it's cool to be single, think again. The freedom you have now will soon turn into a curse. All your close friends will be married, and when you walk into a bar the kids will laugh at you. After 40 if you've never been married women will think you're a weirdo that can't connect with women in a lasting relationship, or you just like to play with little boys, and they're probably right.

Above all else, you're going to get old. That means you want to have a woman around so she takes care of your old sorry ass.

7) Procreate
When I was younger I used to think I would have 2 kids, a boy and a girl. Or maybe 3 kids, 2 boys, 1 girl. Why 2 boys? I want them to learn how to kick the shit out of each other so they know how to protect themselves, and learn the essence and important of competition rather than turn into a spoilt brats.

These days I look at my friends who have kids and I realize it's not an easy task. When you have a baby, you've basically given life to a mini asshole, a selfish prick that cries when you don't feed it, shits all over the place, and doesn't even allow you to sleep at night.

To make matters worse, the little fucker will leech off you for the next 21 years, and will probably hate your guts for teaching him/her the smart way to live life.

If you don't:
Having a kid is a pain in the ass. But as with point 6, the loss of freedom isn't really a loss, the reward comes back years later when you have a loving family around you. This is especially true when you've got shit dribbling down your leg, then you can get the lazy asshole that's now grown up to clean you up instead.

So my words of wisdom for this holiday season. Good luck getting old this decade!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The biggest piece of crap I found on the internet

The first part of the note is the original piece of crap. You may have read it before because it's been floating around the internet and facebook. The second part is my response to it, and if you've read any of my stuff you'll know you'll either laugh at my response or find it vulgar (you have been warned):


In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question, "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said "Yes."

She began to expound..., "As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man….. or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, what can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive... he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You’re asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

To every woman who're worth a lot.... and every man who needs to know.


To the girls:

The fantasy:

The man is perfect in every aspect of his life
Perfect mentally
Good conversationist
Financially perfect
Knows what a woman goes through
Someone that can be respected
You forgot to add, faithful, not butt ugly and relatively tall

The reality:

Such a man, if he exists is either gay or in a relationship already, because if he's that special you can be sure his girlfriend guards him like the holy grail and will fend off all you other girls from a mile away.

The other 99.9% of men out there lack most of these qualities:

Perfect mentally: Lol, wtf does this mean anyway? I've heard of smart, but perfect mentally? I know plenty of guys that are totally mental. Is that anything close?

Good conversationist: Most guys are full of brain farts. Or they're full of shit. If a guy is a really smooth talker you can be sure he's trying to sweet talk mulitple girls into bed.

Spiritual: I respect religion so I won't mess around with this. But most girls can't even find a nice guy. You sure you can find a spiritual guy that's got the other qualities?

Financially perfect: Again wtf does this mean? If it means what I think it means then only Bill Gates and Warren Buffet qualify. Are you sure you want to have sex with a nerd or a man born in 1930? The rest of us go from slightly imperfect but able to buy you bottles in a club to dish washers in the back of a resturant.

Knows what a woman goes through: He must be gay

Sensitive: Gay, or a player trying to get into your pants

Someone that can be respected: Most men are either emasculated and weak versions of our former, hunter, warrior race. Which is why women called them nice guys, pat them on the back, friend zone them and then complain there are no nice guys.


They're strong, don't get pushed around, don't grovel for a woman's attention, are not needy, are not clingy, respect themselves. But they're sleeping around.

Physical aspects: As for the rest of men, they're either too short, look like a car ran over their face, or their penis are so small when they put it in the girl asks "Is it in yet?"

The reality is, we're not perfect. The above list is the equivalent of a man asking for a super hot girl, with a perfect body, smart, nice personality, has a good sense of humor, caring, not a gold digger, and willing to cook, clean and handwash the skid marks off our underwear.

Deal with it, or stay single forever chasing ghosts. By that I mean either compromise or raise your own level.

To the men:

Just get perfect in bed. Then you can bang your girlfriend so hard and so long she orgasms multiple times. When she's mumbling or screaming, the last thing she'll want is mental stimulation or good conversation.

By Willie Booker (you know the deal, copy and paste then forward if you found it funny) You can slap me (on my bum) if you didn't.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The night I caught the flu

Ladies and gentlemen

Let me explain something to you.

Most of the problems you have as a result of the opposite sex can be avoided if simply if you listened your to better judgement instead of throwing caution to the wind by following your primal desires.

The weekend I just had was a perfect example. It started pretty innocently on Friday night......

Friday night 10 pm: Met up with a friend and took her to my friend's bday party in a private club where everyone seemed to be having a lot of fun. I was meant to be on a diet and off alcohol for the next month. However seeing how everyone was having so much fun I told myself a vodka tonic couldn't hurt, I mean I wasn't exactly ordering a pint of beer.

Two hours later I had finished my 5th Vodka tonic and this should have been a warning to myself that I had zero willpower and self control, and should avoid all risky endeavors for the night.

Midnight: Leave my friend's bday party and meet up with this girl I met two weeks ago. She was with her cousins and friends and we all go to a relatively packed and pumping club.

00:15am: The girl buys me my 6th Vodka tonic. Normally I wouldn't dream of letting a girl buy me drinks but since she knows the bartenders and can get the drinks for dead cheap I oblige.

00:30am: Her cousin's fiance's cousin (I know it's confusing), this really short, ugly, annoying guy who obviously doesn't know how to pick up women starts trying to drag me across the club, telling me how he was going to teach me the art of pick up.

I didn't think this was a good idea since I wanted to chat to the girl I came with, plus I didn't think it was a good idea to let women see me walking around with this guy.

00:40am: Girl tells me her face is getting really hot, and that she had a fever earlier in the morning. I touch her head and indeed her forehead was sizzling. I told her she shouldn't be out and maybe she should go home, but she insists she's fine. I proceed to rub ice cubes over her face. I wasn't sure if this was a good move or not but I don't care anymore because I am on my 7th vodka.

01:15am: Head to the dancefloor with the girl. The dancefloor was packed which meant I was pressed close to her. Perfect! We started grinding and I was getting seriously turned on, plus I realized if I wanted to I could easily kiss her. But then I remembered she had a fever and it would obviously be a bad idea to make out with a girl that was ill.

Normally it would be easy to make the right choice. But after 7 vodka tonics, my brain decided the choice wasn't that easy. In fact, I started having an internal monologue about the merits of making out with a girl that was obviously not feeling well. It went something like this:

Good Willie: Don't you dare touch her lips. You'll get sick.

Bad Willie: Dude, her mouth is about 6 inches away from your mouth. This might be your only chance so just go for it.

Good Willie: She's running a fever. You know one of the early symptoms of the Ebola virus is a high fever?

Bad Willie: Put your hand on her butt, you can't catch a virus via hand to butt contact.

Good Willie: Willie, you're obviously desperate or a manwhore.

Bad Willie: Oh come on. She's wearing a short miniskirt and she's looking hot. Any normal guy given the circumstances would put his hand on her ass. (proceeds to start kissing her neck)

Good Willie: Don't kiss her lips! You will regret it tomorrow!

Bad Willie: uh huh, whatever. Talk to the hand, bitch.

01:16am: After 20 seconds of internal monologue, start making out with the girl.

02:30am: Go and grab some food. Kiss the girl some more.

03:30am: Move to Prive, when we get there it's relatively empty and I'm not surprised. There was this stench of puke towards the left side of the club. Someone obviously couldn't handle their alcohol, and considering how packed Prive normally is, I couldn't help but imagine this girl or guy puking up all over a bunch of people.

03:45am: The annoying guy that wanted to teach me how to pick up girls arrives at Prive. He didn't leave with us because he was trying to pick some girl up. Now he was at the front, trying to get in and with this buck toothed pork chop who was all excited, probably because she hasn't been picked up in over two years.

I don't want to be mean, but this girl was so ugly even the girl I was with commented on how she was getting goose bumps.

04:15am: Prive is officially dead and they close the club earlier than usual.

04:30am: Annoying guy and bucked toothed pork chop go home in a cab..................I feel sick and almost puked up on the curb.

04:40am: Call it a night. Say bye to everyone, kiss the girl again and head on home.

Next morning...............

09:30: Wake up feeling like shit which is pretty normal after a big night out.

09:31: Check facebook.

10am: Wash my face, brush my teeth, take a dump. All the normal things people do in the morning.

11am: Go downstairs to eat breakfast.

Noon: Go back to sleep, had another party to go to later that night so wanted to be well rested.

4pm: Wake up and still feel shit. Which is not right because normally after an afternoon nap I stop feeling hung over and get on with my life again. But then I sneeze twice.....oh oh.

Good Willie: See I told you!

Bad Willie: STFU

5pm: I start having that feeling a person gets just before he gets sick. Kinda lightheaded, and a bit sore all over the body. But I decided it couldn't really be that bad. I mean I was drinking vodka, and alcohol kills germs right? There was no way I could have gotten sick by making out with the girl.

Never underestimate the power of denial..........

5:30pm: I head to the gym. I know it's not a good idea to work out if I'm feeling sick, but I needed to work off the calories from the night before. Besides, I wasn't sick, it was just my imagination..............right?

8pm: Back home from the gym and feel like shit. Take my temperature and it's 37.9 celcius. That's ok, right? I mean the normal body temperature is 37 degrees celcius.

9pm: 38.1 celcius. Oh shit, this isn't good. But I had another bday party to attend and I promised to go. Also sick girl was out again tonight and I wanted to see her again.

11pm: 38 celcius. Good, I'm getting better already. This is my greenlight for going out, life is too short to worry anyway...........

Day 3: 10am: I check my temperature and it's 38.3 celcius. I feel like shit and I'm burning up. I feel like calling my mum but I realize she lives over an hour away. I SMS sick girl and she tells me she just got back from the doctor and was running a high fever.

Good Willie:

Ladies and gentlemen

Let me explain something to you.

Most of the problems you have as a result of the opposite sex can be avoided if simply if you listened your to better judgement instead of throwing caution to the wind by following your primal desires.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

How to never date a jerk ever again

Ok so in the last post I tried to explain some of the reasons that lead to women falling for jerks. Here now are some of the solutions and things a woman needs to realize about herself if she wants to avoid dating jerks again.

1) Idealization. Idealization is the process in which a person once attracted starts looking through rose tinted glasses WAY TOO EARLY. I mean it's normal for people to become emotionally attached and to overall look problems in a partner later on. But when a woman gives a guy too much credit early on then she will miss glaring warning signals about the guy.

This usually happens because the woman is attracted to the guy, and doesn't want to acknowledge any information that might lead to disappointment. So basically by filtering out the warning signs that the guy might be a jerk, she creates the perception that the guy is Prince Charming in her own mind.

Stop watching chick flicks. Flawed men don't change like they do in the movies. They might fall in love and change for a short period of time, but because their personalities are naturally selfish they will also revert back to their selfish ways later. So observe carefully for warning signs, and don't over idealize.

A list of warning signs are in my book, so I don't want to repeat here.

2) Accelerated courtship. Again chick flicks and the love at first sight belief causes this problem and gets a lot of women in trouble.

The courtship process if anything should be slowed down, and used by a person (men or women) to critically assess if the other person is a going to be a good partner or not. Most people take things way too quickly these days. Many people these days have sex after 2 weeks and 3 dates, which means they often get emotionally attached before they've even gotten to know someone else properly.

By the time they've gotten to know the other person properly, ie find out the other person is a jerk, they're already emotionally attached because of this accelerated courtship and then they find it very hard to pull away, and chose to overlook a lot of problems in the relationship.

Basically rushing it at the start could mean you end up wasting years on a guy you otherwise wouldn't even have gone out with because if you hadn't rushed it you would have seen problems in the guy.

3) Confusing chemistry with knowing someone. I've heard many women go on about chemistry now, and I can tell you contrary to popular belief that chemistry is a terrible predictor of whether a man if going to be a good partner going forward. If chemistry was accurate then women would not feel chemistry for jerks, but many women have indeed felt chemistry for a guy that then turned out to be a nightmare boyfriend.

The reason this happens is because a lot of women are placing trust and chemistry on the wrong type of information from a guy, the most common mistakes are as follows:

a) The guy shares a lot with a woman about his personal feelings, so she feels like he's really opened up. Well guess what any human being including a jerk can open up about feelings. That doesn't mean the person isn't selfish.

To get past this, you still have to observe how the person really is, whether they are selfish, how they treated their ex girlfriends, how good is their relationship with their parents, etc. A naturally selfish person will talk badly about ex girlfriends, and usually talk badly about their parents.

b) A lot of couples spend a lot of time together doing stuff that are fun. They have so much fun together the woman places chemistry on their shared experience together. But again she doesn't actually know anything about the guy.

4) Repetition compulsion. This is probably the weirdest and most interesting phenonmenon, and I touched upon it slightly in the last post. If a woman had a bad father she is at risk of picking a man like her father when she grows up. Which is why women with abusive fathers often pick men that turn out to be abusive themselves, or if their fathers treated their mothers badly, cheated etc, divorced and gone, they are likely to be drawn to jerks.

The same happens if a woman gets hurt badly by a jerk and doesn't get over the pain of it. Then she will repeatedly be drawn to jerks and find even confident nice guys boring, or feel a lack of attraction.

The reason why this happens is this. The woman is naturally drawn to men like her father or like the ex that hurt her because she never truly got closure. Subconsciously without even realizing it, and even if she consciously tells herself she doesn't want to date jerks ever again, or men like her father, she's being drawn to these men in order to find closure. She wants to have a relationship with one of these men and actually make things work, which is a problem because a man with an unhealthy attitude to relationships can't be changed. So the girl gets hurt again and again, and her wounds get deeper, and she ends up seeking these men even more to get closure.

Remember all this is in the subconscious, the girl isn't even aware she's doing this and consciously she might even hate jerks. To the girl it just seems she has bad luck, or she'll start thinking all men are scum. But bring a nice guy alone and the girl will actually lose interest because she's used to chasing jerks and trying to change the jerk to get this closure.

To get over this problem the girl has to:

a) be aware of this weird subconscious act.

b) deal with the thing that was originally driving this behavior which is the pain caused by her father or the first boyfriend that hurt her badly, and let go of this pain. She has to truly grieve and acknowledge that her father or her ex did her wrong, and truly let out the pain and anger, and to have someone else listen to this pain and truly understand her.

That's basically what therapy does, and why people open up to tell a therapist their childhood problems. Until they're truly understood they will repeatedly perform the same irrational behaviors that hurt themselves.

When it comes to relationships, a woman needs to understand repetition compulsion and let go of the past if she's to stop being attracted to jerks.

Hope that helps you ladies out there.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Why you find normal guys boring and fall for jerks

For the longest time I couldn't get it, and finally by researching for my book I find the reason why.

Some of you have told me your sob stories, how your ex was a jerk and logically you knew it, but for some reason you keep gravitating to the same type of guy.

To make matters worse some of you find normal guys boring, and keep dating jerks over and over again.

The reason is this:

Did your parents divorce when you were very young?

Did your father not give you much attention when you were a child?

Do you often find yourself feeling lonely?

Do you feel the need to get married badly?

By the way, my parents divorced when I was 3 and I haven't seen my real dad since so I'm not talking out of my ass and judging anyone here.

When it comes to women, if a woman was not given the right amount of attention as a kid from her father then she risks developing wrong perceptions towards relationships later in life. The reason is because a child that gets the right amount of attention from her parents do not seek that attention later on in life.

If a girl doesn't get the right type of attention from her father as a child then she will constantly be drawn to drama and seek out emotional validation in adult relationships.

The problem is she feels she has to seek that approval, if the approval is given to her naturally which a nice guy does then she will feel bored. It's the same as a child not respecting his/her parents if doted on all the time, whilst seeking them out if they don't get the required attention.

A jerk attracts such women because the jerk is constantly creating drama, treating the girl like crap, not showing he cares, or threatens to walk out of the relationship. So the girl will chase the guy to seek emotional validtion and in the process become dependent on the guy even though he's clearly treating her badly.

In other words the attachment and commitment a woman gives a man during marriage and a stable relationship works the other way around in an unhealthy relationship. It makes her attached to a jerk that's clearly treating her badly, and then she can't break away emotionally even if her head tells her otherwise.

Broken families is only one thing that leads to insecurities. Wanting to get married badly, always feeling lonely, etc, can all lead to bad relationship choices.

How to solve this issue? You play it safe with every guy you meet, and you do it by getting the order right:

Get to know him

Find reasons to trust him

Rely on him

Commit to him

Have sex

Many women these days have sex with a guy first before getting to know a guy, and then because she becomes hormonally and emotionally attached to the guy, she starts to trust the guy and rely on the guy when he doesn't even deserve it.

When you get to know someone first in the same way as a friend then you can see what their real personality is like. Your perception is not based on the sweet talk or the charm, which are elevated fake personalities to get a woman hooked in the first place.

When you accurately assess a guy, spot and DON'T OVERLOOK problematic behaviors, you then trust him, not the other way around because you are attracted to the guy and want to be with him.

When trust is built you can then safely rely on the guy. If you get the order wrong and you commit to him first, rely on the guy first, then he could be treating you like crap and you're just one of a dozen girls he's playing and you'll still pine after him.

Here's the really hard part. Have sex last. Why is it hard? Well you risk losing the guy and for that guy to walk out on you. Many women these days don't want to take that risk, or they feel attracted and went for it. But the thing is if a guy isn't even willing to stay with a girl for at least a month or two before she's observed him closely and walks off for the lack of sex, then you've got nothing to lose, since it was sex he was after in the first place.

Jerk thrive in the modern dating environment because many women no longer do this and have sex too early with a guy. What? You don't believe that a guy will hang around for an extended period of time before having sex? Well I'm pretty sure all the healthy relationships I've seen my friends in didn't start off with early sex.

It is a modern myth that guys will not chase a girl for a month or two without the reward of sex, and walks out because of the lack of sex. It's only the jerks that can't wait that long, and hence if you've always dated jerks then the best way to filter them out is have a guy chase you for a month without having sex with the guy. Take that month or two to really get to know the guy well.

Tough huh? Well, that's one of the reasons you might have a jerk for a boyfriend. The even tougher part is even if you are attracted in the first month or two, but you spot problematic behaviors, you have to have the guts to walk away from a guy you are otherwise attracted to.

Also, don't assume if a guy's nice or interesting, or fun, or has many friends he's going to be a good partner. Public persona and what a person's like privately in a relationship are two totally different things. After all most players I know have a lot of friends and are fun to be with.

You have to be willing to ditch a person you feel attraction and chemistry towards if you want to find a nice guy. Most jerks are attractive at the start then change to their real personality later. To spot the real deal you have to have time on your side.

When you have time on your side you have more strength to push for what you want. You either push for change or walk out on the guy. Leave that till later and you're emotionally attached and'll be playing this song....
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