Friday, January 23, 2009

Jan/ Chapter 4: Living together part 2

Ok, so people that live together before getting married are more likely to divorce. As previously exlained it's partly because their personalities and expectations of what comes with marriage makes them more predisposed to divorce, and also the situation forces some people to stay together even if they're lukewarm about each other.

Someone also mentioned that they knew of a guy that insisted his GF moved in for a few months before he was willing to marry her.

Again that could just mean he doesn't trust her, and that could mean other problems develop later.

But what if things were much more simple that all of the above points? What if living together just makes people raving mad and want to kill each other? Maybe that's why there's such a high divorce rate these days? As another poster commented:

"Luckily for me, it is the opposite. My husband and I lived together for a long time before getting married and got all the shit that pisses each other off out of the way....or actually we just learned to live with it :)"

What happens if people can't get over all the shit that pisses each other off? Then I started thinking of all the worst things that can happen with living together, and it all started to make sense why. I came up with all the worst things people can possible do whilst living with someone else and it wasn't pretty.

10)You clean up the apartment one night, and when you get back from work the next night, you're partner's messed up the apartment.

9) You're trying to take a nap and hysterical laughter erupts in the next room because your partner was watching a comedy.

8) The guy never puts down the toilet seat....... no 1 reason for modern day divorces.

7) You're eating breakfast and suddenly a naked person runs out of the bathroom dripping water on the floor because there wasn't a towel in there.

6) You've just washed your whites, and your partner didn't know the load was clean, sticks their undies in there, and the worse thing is there's a big skid mark on it.

5) The guy thinks it's ok to leave the toilet door open whilst taking a dump.

4) You have to get to work at 7:30 the next morning. You wake up in the middle of the night, and your partner's snoring resembles the mating call of an African baboon.

3) The guy (girls surely won't do this) picks his nose, rolls it up and then puts it in the girl's plant pot, thinking that it's effective fertilizer. (I've seen a guy do this actually).

2) Your partner frequently farts in bed, and his/her explaination is that you can't smell it when it's under the covers.

1) Last but not least....... the guy doesn't know it's that time of the month, and picks a fight when his girlfriend is .........

If you're single or don't have to deal with this crap, consider yourself lucky!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Jan/ Chapter 3: Living together

So a friend has been pushing me about making a post about living together. I have no idea why, but I decided to research it anyway.

For those familiar with the stats, living together is meant to increase the chances the couple will get divorced if they married, compared to couples that didn't live together first.

I've known this stat for a while, but it seemed strange. Surely if two people already got to know each other then there is less chance of divorce later? Living together afterall gives the relationship a trail run before marriage.

Divorce isn't the only worry. Seems like it affects a lot of other things as well:

Living together results in higher chance that the couple has more negative communication in their marriages later.

People who lived together first have lower martial satisfaction.

Infidelity rate is higher.

Physical abuse rates is higher.

So why does this happen? It's pretty significant finding considering lots of people these days live together prior to marriage.

It seems that it's not actually the experience of living together that changes people, rather the people that live together before marriage already have characterisitcs that put them at risk of divorce and unsatisfying marriages. Many people want to try living together because they are already more worried about divorce or less faith in marriage as an institution. They worry so want to try living together.

So their attitudes set them up for failure.

Also, when people live together, because their lives get intertwined, it makes it much harder to leave the relationship. Therefore a less commited couple is forced by the situation into marriage. They're not really as commited, but decide, well since they've been together so long, might as well get married anyway. They've shared their lives together, have common friends, finances and property may have been shared. They share so much together it's hard to split up. Constraints have propelled them forward, not dedication.

Those at the greatest risk are those that are in love but aren't sure about a future together, because then when they are no longer in love, they find it much harder to leave. Engaged couples don't seem to be affected by these forces as much.

If you're living with someone then don't freak out. But be aware that if someone has to be dragged to the altar, it's indication of many more draggings to come. A mate who commits reluctantly (because of living together) does not make for a good marriage.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Jan/ Chapter 2: Thank God I'm a man

Sorry, been very busy lately, or just working on my book, so leave you will a couple of funny pics. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Jan/ Chapter 1: Oh man, relatives and weddings

There seems to have been a lot of weddings in the last year or so. Last year was meant to be a good year, and so was last weekend on the old Chinese calender. So I had an interesting day last weekend. I went to my girlfriend's sister's wedding.

It was a beautiful day, we were out at Taipo by a lake, and the weather was just right. The ceremony was very touching, made me feel happy for the couple and actually made me feel good inside.

I had actually missed the serving tea to elders and the groom getting the bride and all the games in the morning. Most of them got up at 5:30am to get ready. By the afternoon I could see some people already looked tired.

We then went to Tsim Sha Tsui for the wedding banquet. It was pretty big, 22 tables. The bride's father has a very big family, he has 7 brothers and a sister. So that means a lot of relatives. Which is great, nice to have a big extended family.

But what wasn't cool, was when everyone asked me when I was going to propose to my girlfriend! I was actually sitting on the table with all the relatives on the bride's side, and throughout the whole meal I could tell their aunt was trying to find out what type of person I was like. She was checking me out with a bunch of very smart questions.

At the end of the night I was even asked to stand with the rest of the family, so I could escort all the guests out. It was really weird because I wasn't a member of the family yet!

Great day, interesting experience. I just wonder if I can handle all the pressure when I get married. Would I want to "perform" in front of 22 tables? I mean yeah, we celebrate at weddings to show the world that we want to spend the rest of our lives with someone. But all the traditions make it feel like we're performing for everyone else, and make the whole experience seem a little daunting.
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