Thursday, July 17, 2008

July/ Chapter 7: Sexual Dysfunction part 1

So after watching a couple of seasons of sex and the city I realised the women in the show are pretty harsh on the guys. They joke, complain and look down on anything from a bad kisser, to guys with a small penis or bad in bed, etc.

Then I wondered, do girls in real life do this as well? Are we guys under the microscope, and get judged on how we perform? Well it depends, some girls don't talk about it at all, whilst other girls will rate a guy's performance, especially if they've broken up with the guy.

Apparently anything from "Good", "bad", "takes forever", "so fast", "shit, useless, pitiful". Yeah it seems some girls can be pretty harsh. (Think my friend was joking, but girls are more harsh if they're bitter about a break up)

Most girls say if they really liked a guy they would stick with the guy and try to help him fix the problem. But here's the thing, sexual dysfunction is usually not something a couple can fix on their own. There might be psychological or physical causes that require expert advice from a specialised sex therapist. So if you think you or your partner has a sexual dysfunction and it affects your sex life then go get a referral from a doctor.

Secondly, realize a lot of people have a sexual dysfunction. I was pretty surprised when I looked at the numbers and saw how high it was. But people generally don't want to get any treatment, because people generally feel ashamed. People don't have problems seeing doctors if they're physically ill, but most people have issues seeing doctors over mental illnesses such as depression or anxiety. It's the same with a sexual dysfunction, most people don't want to accept there might be something wrong with them.

Do not be afraid or ashamed to see an expert about your sex life, when the treatment might be simple, and the benefits could be immense. I'll describe a few common types of sexual dysfunction, their symptoms, causes and treatment.

Premature ejaculation (PE) is by far the most common sexual dysfunction. Sex therapists define the problem as loss of ejaculatory control which affects sexual or emotional well-being in one or both partners, and it affects a staggering 25-40% of men. Now most guys don't last long, the normal range is anywhere from 3 to 13 min, and 7 min is the average, whilst people with PE usually cum within the first 2 min. The main problem is when the guy cums consistently before the woman has experienced an orgasm.

The main cause for PE is psychological, could vary between temporary depression, anxiety, unrealistic expectations about performance, a history of sexual repression, or lack of confidence.

Reducing stimulation by wearing a condom could increase ejaculatory latency ( the time between first penetration and ejaculation), and alcohol can do this as well. But that's not really a solution, although devices such as an external latex rigid sheath have been developed (please be mature and don't laugh....). Anti-depressants also have the side effects of increasing ejaculatory latency.

But the best method is probabaly the start stop method. Which involves getting a guy stimulated till he is about to cum, stopping then restarting again. Repeat the method 3 times, and allow the guy to cum on the 4th time. This method basically allows the guy to gain more control, and to become comfortable with doing it with the girl. But it requires a lot of communication, understanding and work between the couple. So probably won't happen unless the couple are really in love with each other already.

A method a guy can perform by himself is to masturbate till he's about to cum, then to stop and hold the base of the penis till the feeling subsides. Keep repeating and slowly the time taken to reach orgasm should increase as the guy gains more control, and an additional effect of this method is a stronger orgasm.

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