Tuesday, July 8, 2008

July/ Chapter 4: Don't do it!

Earlier I had just finished drinks with my ex and her cousin. I had been asked to come out and give relationship advice because "Cous" had just split with her boyfriend.

I haven't seen "cous" in years, but I remember she was really hot. When I went to the bar I looked around and my first thought was these girls were the prettiest girls in the place, which said a lot since there were a few pretty girls in there.

"Cous" used to be a part time model, tall, and the type that would turn heads when she came into a place. So no surprise that a few months ago when she joined her friend for a drink one of the guys in the group started chatting her up. Three months later they were dating, but it only lasted two months.

When I heard the guy's background I almost cracked up because his story growing up was very similar to mine. But without giving too much away let's just say he moved overseas when he was a kid, a banker, making good money for his age, and he's turning 30 this year. He obviously meets a lot of girls, had probably slept around a bit and definitely not in the mood to commit.

I immediately knew the type, banker with money, can hook up with girls, and no need to commit to any of them since he can move from one girl to the next. Seriously, if I had a daughter I would warn her against ever going for a banker, or any guy with a lot of disposable income.

It's a double edged sword, you got these guys that are making good money, but they have to be focused on their career and their own future to get there, and don't need to share their life with someone else. They come off as fun and charismatic, but they're that way because they don't want to settle for just one girl, and want to settle down as late as possible.

On top of meeting the wrong type of guy, "Cous" had made the classic mistake of asking the wrong questions. Questions such as, "Are you going to stay in Hong Kong?" and "Will you consider marrying?". See, she's turning 30 next year and a girl at that age doesn't want to waste her time anymore. But the problem with getting to the point is, if a guy can play around for another 5 years, asking him if he will settle down is one of the scariest questions such a guy could face.

Prior to this last relationship she was in a 9 year relationship which got messy and there wasn't any love anymore. The previous boyfriend was a local guy, and I sensed he loved her more than she loved him. She's in love with this new guy a lot more after just two months together. It's the classic tale of a girl falling hard for the "bad guy". The guy that won't settle down.

Even the guy's friends warned her to leave him, and he said bye to her, citing that she was a great girl but not for him. I told "cous", hey if I was a betting man then I would give this relationship about a 10-20% chance of going all the way. But even as we were having drinks she got a call from the guy, and she started asking what should she do to get him back.

My ex told me when she was growing up she thought it would always be her cousin that would get married first. Here was a beautiful girl who wasn't the playing around type and looking to settle down, and she was in danger of falling into the bracket of being alone. Yet even though every piece of advice I gave was to leave the guy, what she really wanted to hear was what was the best way to get him back.

It's a pity that love feels so good but also blinds us. I just hope she finds a good man that will commit, because it seems strange that she turned the heads of every guy in that bar, yet I was giving her relationship advice on how to avoid the one she was already with.


missmaomao said...

do you think guy's charismatic is more powerful than girl's?

Carlton Bradshaw said...

Yeah of course, girls judge a guy by their personality and charisma, whilst a girl can get away with just looking good in some cases.

Anonymous said...

I think girl's charismatic is more frightening than guy's one.

I am always impressed by powerful women, they are tough at work and are good in social relationships. In fact, I think it's only a way to show themselve out, and they just don't care in reality.

Which is not the case for men, powerful men care and get a heart. For me, powerful guys are more sensitive than powerful women.


Anonymous said...

there is a chinese saying" beauitufl women have tough life" now I understand why. Beautiful girls tend to attract smart and successful men ( they also attract not that smart and not that successful men, but these men have no guts to chase them up), but only a few of them have the intellgence to handle these smart guys.

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