Sunday, July 27, 2008

July/ Chapter 11: Stringers

Most girls think the worst type of guy is the player, they sleep around or chat up multiple women but have no intension of ever starting a relationship with the woman. But actually the most "dangerous" type of men is the stringer.

Stringers are men that string women along in a long term relationship, and they will actually like the girl. They like to have the comfort of a woman next to them, sleeping with their girlfriend, eating with their girlfriend, and possibly living with her. But they will never make a real commitment, have zero intension of getting married and are totally indecisive till given an ultimatum. . Stringers are all over the place, hard to spot and could be responsible for girls ending up single for life. It’s a pretty serious issue.

Sounds scary? It sure is, but I'll explain over the next few posts what girls can do to remove the stringer problem.

A player hits on a girl and then moves on to his next target. Either he doesn’t succeed or he sleeps with the girl and then loses interest after a short period of time. But a player can only do limited damage, because he doesn’t waste too much of a girl’s time.
Most stringers on the other hand can be very decent boyfriend for many years, they will string the girl along for as long as possible till she finally breaks up with him because she realizes he will not marry her. The stringer is a lot more dangerous than a player because he will con a woman into wasting their time during the years when she is the most attractive and most likely to get a marriage proposal.

About 8 months ago I actually fell out with one of my friends because he started dating a mutual female friend of ours. My guy friend was a player, but I wasn’t judging him on that. I can’t go around judging all my guy friends for how they treat girls or I would have very few guy friends. But what I couldn’t stand was the fact that he specifically told me he would never marry the girl, but went ahead anyway and started a relationship. He thought the girl was great to him and very comfortable to be with, but he also thought she was not marriage material for him.

She wasn’t marriage material in his mind because the girl came from a wealthy family, and she quit her job because she was tired of her job. She had the luxury to do so because her family could provide for her, but in his mind this meant she was lazy and if they had a family he would be under pressure to be the sole breadwinner. He also didn’t feel that the girl could provide the type of support he needed to push him forward in his own career. Anyway, whatever the reason may have been, the guy had already analyzed the situation in his head, and decided to date her, but would never marry her.

Now, obviously things can change, maybe she’s been so nice to him he has a change of heart. I hope he will change his mind and all the best of luck to them. But as I will explain in later posts, a stringer doesn’t settle down just because a girl is good to him, and a stringer will rarely change.

Stringers are not necessarily bad people, many don’t even know how much damage they are doing to a girl’s future. Some guys just need more time, but here’s the strange thing. A lot of stringers will date one girl for years and will not commit, then he’ll find a new girl and propose to her within a year.

So there are three things girls can do to deal with stringers, and we'll examine them in later posts:

Avoid stringers altogether by only dating the marrying types.

If you think you are already dating a stringer, then give him an ultimatum.

Change yourself to make the stringer want to marry you.


missmaomao said...

how to change urself to make the stringer wanna marry u? huh??

Carlton Bradshaw said...

I'll explain later. But that's meant to be a last ditch effort anyway, most stringers just won't change no matter how hard you try.

Only bother if the stringer is already comfortable with the idea of marrige, ie he's at that age where he's willing to marry.

If you can't change him, even if you do your best, you give him 6 months and dump him if he won't propose.

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