The problem is that our instinctive drivers are not necessarily the best for us now that we're no longer cave people and progressed as a society. Let me use a different but simple example; our appetite and desire to eat even when we are already fat. If we were trying to survive in the wild with no steady supply of food, our ability to store fat is crucial to survival. But in our modern society where food is plentiful, being hungry and able to easily store fat is not a good thing, and we as a society desperately try to keep the fat off. Every year people spend tens of billions on diets, healthy foods, gym memberships and even surgery to avoid getting fat.
A woman's nature selection method for her partner might not be the best thing for herself either. I'm not saying women in her attempt to find a man that will settle down should avoid smart, outgoing, and ambitious men and pick a dumb, lazy and boring man. What I am saying is that a women should change the way in which she discovers smart, outgoing and ambitious men. This is best done by understanding how women are attracted to men.
A few years ago a book in the US got really big, it's called "The Game" and explored the exploits of the author and his friend Mystery, who was a successful player and was teaching his strategies to other men, and significantly increasing their ability to meet women and get them in bed. Mystery has since written his own book which I haven't read, but the mystery method basically used evolutionary psychology and knowledge of how humans pair bond to increase a man's chances with a woman.
The last time I checked Mystery was charging 20K USD a head in his seminars to teach men how to chat up women. Women that would normally turn down men would fall prey to men using the mystery method. He had successfully taught strategies that changed results in the how well men could get women. The men applying these strategies were not applying something that came natural to them, something that was instinctive, but something that was learnt.
Recently some girls I talked to did not believe that a woman could consciously increase her chances in getting a man to settle down with her. Those girls felt that whether we meet the right person or not was down to chance. This is probably true if you're refering to a soul mate, I can't help a person be at the right place at the right time. But there's definitely a strategy to avoiding men that are using women, and also in getting a guy that's serious.
If Mystery is able to teach men to successfully get past women's defenses when the woman is most in control (at the start when she's not yet emotionally attached and can walk away), it's absolutely possible for a woman to get past a man's defenses and have more control in her relationship.
Woman are naturally attracted to the alpha male that shows characteristics which would bring success in our society. Intelligence, confidence (but not cockiness), being a leader amongst men, willingness to take risk, etc. Women are so naturally drawn to these attributes that many girls who say they're not interested in the player types, will fall for the player if he exhibits such attributes in a first meeting. I've seen my most successful player friends disarming girls by basically displaying these attributes, and getting a girl into her comfort zone.
Does that mean the player is a natural leader amongst men? On the surface yes, but here's the interesting thing. Out of all the players I know, most have at one point truely fallen for a girl, and been burnt badly by truly liking that girl. For some reason, when they truly fall for a girl, they show weakness, and an inability to play the game they normally play, and hence the girl will lose interest.
So girls are falling for players even when they are being played. Whilst players that truly like a girl totally mess up their game. How players succeed or crash and burn tells me a lot. It tells me that woman are instinctively hardwired to like certain types of behaviours in men. It doesn't matter if a man truly like the girl, or is truly intelligent or a leader amongst men, if he doesn't play the right game at the start the girl will write him off. A girl might say she hates players but because she likes those attributes, she's susceptible to getting deceived into believing a player is genuine even when he's not.
If girls are making bad choices based upon what they're evolutionary driven to like or not like, girls should learn to bypass their instincts and apply logical strategies to their selection process. In effect do exactly what Mystery and the players are doing, which is to understand the opposite sex and benefit from it. The benefit not being getting laid, but exercising control at the selection stage when women have the most power.
Sorry doing a bit of a rewind, but I had to cover this important point before I start bringing up things a woman should look for in a man, which might be different from what her instincts are hardwired to like.
Key points from this post:
Sometimes our instictive drivers are bad for us. Our appetite is an example.
A woman's natural selection process might not be the best thing for herself.
Mystery, a chat up artist and player had taught men successful strategies on how to get women interested.
If men could learn strategies that could get them women, women could learn strategies on how to get the right man.
A woman will have to look for attributes in men that are different from her natural instincts, apply artifical filters. (The age of commitment is one I've already explained which does not come natural to women)