Tuesday, August 12, 2008

How to get a guy to settle part 6: Compromise

One of the reasons I started this blog was because I was curious why there were so many good looking, smart and successful women that were single, and many were already in their 30’s. It made no sense because if it was down to natural selection then these women would be the most sort after by men, and none of them should be single.

Then I realized it was because the most attractive women were also looking for the most outgoing and successful men, and wanted commitment at the same time. By expecting more, the women were all competing for a limited supply of men that were outgoing, successful and weren’t playing around.

If I told a beautiful successful woman, she could definitely get married if she found an ugly short fella with a mediocre job, would she go for that guy? Very unlikely, and she would say it’s because she’s not attracted to the guy, or has no feelings for the guy. But average women marry short ugly men with mediocre jobs all the time! Those women know what’s good looking and what’s not, but they lower their expectations to find someone they are actually able to settle down with.

There’s a mechanism subconsciously somewhere, where a woman is calculating what type of a man she can get. Since women are driven to find the best man possible, if she can’t get that man she’ll rather be single than get married. So the more attractive women stay single and keep looking and looking.

Now, you probably know what I’m going to say. You think I am going to tell all the pretty girls to lower their expectations and marry ugly men. Not true, I just want the girls to reassess what they really need in a man and what they can give up on.

There are three groups of qualities women like in men, and the important thing to remember is that the groups are separate, so a guy could score high in one group and low in the others. The first group relates to charisma and tends to be what women are instinctively attracted to.

Remember these are selection criteria developed over millions of years, and are attractive to the woman because if she was with a man with such qualities then the chances of her and her offspring surviving increases. They might not impact survival in the modern world as much but women are still attracted to them. Here are the lists of modern qualities, the brackets are explanations of why they are attractive from an evolutionary perspective:

Charisma and looks (Qualities that makes a man more competitive in human society)
Good social skills
Good sense of humor
Decent looks and height.

Material wealth and resources (More resources equals increased chance of survival)
Lots of money
Good job
Nice clothes and car
Willingness to lavish gifts on a female partner.

Commitment (Increased survival chances for a woman and her offspring as her man is actually close to her to protect and provide for them)
Not playing the girl
Not stringing the girl along but willing to marry
Not sleeping around with other women
Being at home with the family after work

In the next post I will explain how a woman can reassess what she wants from a man from looking at these tables.

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