Monday, April 13, 2009

Apr/ Chapter 1: Speed seduction

First, take a look at this program:

http://mytv.tvb.com/news/pearlreport/20558

The global pick up artist community has been steadily growing for a number of years now. For those that are not familiar with what pick up artists are or PUA, they are guys who go out of their way to deliberately learn what make women tick and how to chat them up.

The Chinese guys in the Pearl Report were really poor in my opinion, lacking confidence and couldn't talk smoothly. But some of the top PUA in the US or around the world have extremely high success rates.

If you read the methods they're created, it's quite amazing. They've basically broken down the process of seduction into learnable steps, from opening lines, to how to act in front of women, to how to build comfort with women, until they have sex with the man.

As with all useful tools and weapons, there are of course going to be people that benefit, and those that will abuse the system. The PUA methods will help men that were unable to attract women, whilst creating new legions of players that will use the methods to get loads of women to have sex with them.

In Asia, a guy with money and relatively confident already has a huge advantage in meeting women. I'm not sure the PUA business will have as much demand here as in the West were the pick up process is relatively harder. Curious what the girls think about this new invasion in Asia.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Mar/ Chapter 3: He's just not that into you


I was having a chat with a female friend the other day about a couple of interesting topics. Firstly why it seems that women have such a hard to dumping a jerk they've become emotionally attached to.

You may have heard of the book and movie "he's just not that into you". It's so hard for women to see the truth and tear themselves away from jerks sometimes that they had to write a book to point out the obvious. In fact, no need for me to explain any of this, if you're a woman then you'll know better than me how difficult it's to pull yourself away from a jerk that you like.

However, what's even more interesting or strange is that many women I've spoken to don't have nearly the same difficulty emotionally when breaking up with a boyfriend they find boring or if they're lost respect for the guy.

In other words if you're a guy you're more likely to be dumped for being a loser than for being a jerk to women.

Ok, so this doesn't seem to make sense, but if you've read some of the older posts on this blog you would understand that much of what we do in relationships isn't driven by logic and conscious thoughts, but by our instincts that we inherited and evolved from cavemen days.

In cavemen days, survival was the key. So women would pick the fittest males, the weaker ones would be more likely to die from getting eaten by predators, or from inter tribal warfare. Nice isn't part of the equation, survival was. So if her man treated her badly and she immediately left the man, then there was serious risks to the survival of her and her children.

Therefore the body (or a woman's genes) have a built in mechanism that avoids this. It makes women more emotionally attached to men they think are stronger, even if those men are jerks.

Men that don't show much value however are easier to dump, even if they treat a woman better because they aren't seen as possessing as much value.

The emotions that make leaving a jerk so hard is just part of a woman's natural instinct to get the best genes from a man, and also to ensure her survival. In the modern world however, it means that women are often emotionally attached to jerks who they logically don't want to be with, and require a book and a movie to point out an otherwise relatively obvious point.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Mar/ Chapter 2: HK girls and guys

Last week a very interesting program aired which focused on what HK men and women thought about each other. The first part of the show focused on how HK men saw some HK women, or specifically "Gong Nui (Hongkie girl)" and how these Gong Nui justified their choices and their expectations of men.

The show started off with the narrator stating that the status or HK women have been rising over the years, and some HK men feel that some HK women are too demanding. There are even groups and blogs on the internet where men complain about Gong Nui, with one group that has over 1000 members.

So what are the characteristics of a Gong Nui?

1) Too materialistic, the boyfriend must buy stuff for her as a sign that he values and is nice to her.

2) If the boyfriend doesn't dote on the girl then she'll get all upset.

3) They try to act like "a cute princess", especially when they take pics, with lots of V shaped signs pointing up. I go check my own facebook, and indeed, lots of girls pretending they're Winston Churchill! But to be honest, this is not the characteristic of HK girls alone, it’s been exported from Japan.

4) Girls don't need to pay for their drinks, in fact it's a guy's honor to be able to hang out with a pretty girl that he needs to buy drinks for.

5) Way too into their expensive brand named products.

Apparently there are 81 problems that Gong Nui have that HK men don't like.

The main thing HK guys don't like is that Gong Nui say they want equality and equal status with men, but unlike many of their Western counterparts seem to want a lot of materialistic perks. For example there's the "63.8 incident" where a guy took a girl out to a movie, and then afterwards they went to the supermarket where she bought something that cost $63.8 and then he waited for her to pay, instead of buying it for her. She got really upset she had to pay for this and posted her complaint on the internet about how cheap the guy was.

The second thing is that Gong Nui seem to want to be treated like a princess, or they'll get pissed off. If the girl buys a new item of clothing, or cuts her hair by an inch, HK guys are suppose to notice. Although to be honest I think this is a global phenomenon where men notice changes in women less so than women themselves.

The show then moved to an interview of a couple where the wife asked her husband after dating 6 months if he would give all his money to her after marriage. She had dumped an earlier boyfriend for looking shocked at this concept. When she posted their story on the internet, she got bombarded with hundreds of emails from men complaining that she was a gold digger, stealing, and controlling her man too much.

Some of the girls explained that it's not being materialistic, it's just being realistic. In this society you need money, and if you don't have money people will look down on you.

A HK director even decided to make a movie on Gong Mui. He said in order to research for the movie, he asked girls in Japan, China, Taiwan and HK if they would rather be with:

a) A guy that's fun and exciting to be with but ultimately a bad boy.

or

b) A good guy that's faithful, but is boring.

Girls from the other countries were willing to pick one or the other, but HK girls tended to want both or stay single. It seemed like the director was bewildered at such high expectations, although I think he should really try asking the same questions outside of Asia.

The things that I found the most interesting though were the things that girls spent so much time and money to maintain which they felt the guys needed, but the guys themselves were not too worried about.

For example when it came to brand names, one girl also mentioned that guys would naturally want to take a girlfriend out that wore or carried expensive brand names, since that would also make him look good.

What these girls don’t get is that unless we're friggin rich and needed that image, 99.9% of men couldn't care less if their girlfriends wore expensive brands. Women wrongly assume that buying expensive brands make them more attractive to men, it doesn't. It's more a women competing with women behavior.

When it came to weight, a bunch of gym instructors came out and said that women really shouldn't complain about being too fat if they're around or below 100 lbs. But the girls that do fret about being too fat explain they get a lot of pressure from their boyfriends checking out other girls, and commenting about hot looking female stars, and also they need to keep themselves looking good in case they go back on the singles scene.

Guys, especially Asian guys do prefer slim girls. But I think it's interesting that many HK girls are more concern about their looks than the men themselves, it's probably a product of all the marketing that's going on around them.

Overall I think the show did point out some valid complaints that HK men have about some HK women, especially when it came to materialism.

_____________________________________

A week later the second episode aired, and this time it was about HK guys.

What was funny though is that there wasn't nearly as many interviews with women about the problems women saw in men. The show just featured geeks, and HK guys that play too much computer games, and that was it.

I felt it was a real cop out, nothing about any guys that are still sexist or chauvinistic. Or the womanizing that goes on across the border, having a second wife in China etc, or guys hitting on multiple girls at the same time.

Then I realized.......The producers of the show must all be HK men.

Original clip of first episode on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0u8Zs9nD32E&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJHHXC7EVP0&feature=related

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Mar/ Chapter 1: Stuck in a time bubble

I just back from a weekend up in Shanghai, visiting my best friend because it was his 30th birthday. When I went to his apartment I couldn't help but feel envious. Out of all the friends I know he's done the best for himself.

He's got a lovely wife, who can joke around and party like one of the lads. Him and his wife both have good jobs, they have a big apartment in Shanghai which looks very comfortable, and they have a baby on the way.

Then I look at myself, and I feel like I'm a million miles away from such a lifestyle. Got an apartment, but feel poor, insecure because of the credit crunch, not married, and not comfortable taking care of myself, let alone a kid.

10 years ago, me and my best friend were at the same place in our lives, playing computer games and just enjoying life. We actually did the same when I went to Shanghai, on the Friday night I didn't even go clubbing, we just played Poker with some friends of ours and shot zombies on his playstation till 5am. It was the most expensive gaming session I've ever had.

Sat night was his birthday dinner, and clubbing at bling. Got a chance to chat to the Shanghai crew. My friend's group of friends up in Shanghai, but also friends of mine now that I've been them so many times.

One of the guys there sells lubricants to other companies, or LUB as he called it. A few of us stood there for 10 minutes cracking up jobs about lubricants and all their applications. I hadn't laughed so hard in my life. Then I looked around at all the thirty year olds (more or less).

Thirty is an interesting age because we can be at all sorts of different places in life by the time we're 30. Married with kids, or unsure about marriage, and joking about lubricants with a bunch of other guys.

I just hope the time bubble pops one day, because surely this can't be as good as it gets!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Feb/ Chapter 2: Bikinis

Interesting article from CNN that focuses on research that shows that men will objectify women wearing bikinis. Not really mind blowing stuff. I could tell you that men do this all the time. They'll classify women into those they want to have sex with but don't want to have a future with, and those that they genuinely want to have a future with.

As for wearing bikinis? I don't think there's a prob in doing that, just be weary of guys that are hitting on you whilst wearing one.


It may seem obvious that men perceive women in sexy bathing suits as objects, but now there's science to back it up.

Images of women in bikinis prompted brain responses in men associated with using tools.

New research shows that, in men, the brain areas associated with handling tools and the intention to perform actions light up when viewing images of women in bikinis.


The research was presented this week by Susan Fiske, professor of psychology at Princeton University, at the annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science.


"This is just the first study which was focused on the idea that men of a certain age view sex as a highly desirable goal, and if you present them with a provocative woman, then that will tend to prime goal-related responses," she told CNN.


Although consistent with conventional wisdom, the way that men may depersonalize sexual images of women is not entirely something they control. In fact, it's a byproduct of human evolution, experts say. The first male humans had an incentive to seek fertile women as the means of spreading their genes.


"They're not fully conscious responses, and so people don't know the extent to which they're being influenced," Fiske said. "It's important to recognize the effects."


The participants, 21 heterosexual male undergraduates at Princeton, took questionnaires to determine whether they harbor "benevolent" sexism, which includes the belief that a woman's place is in the home, or hostile sexism, a more adversarial viewpoint which includes the belief that women attempt to dominate men.


In the men who scored highest on hostile sexism, the part of the brain associated with analyzing another person's thoughts, feelings and intentions was inactive while viewing scantily clad women, Fiske said.


Men also remember these women's bodies better than those of fully-clothed women, Fiske said. Each image was shown for only a fraction of a second.


This study looked specifically at men, and did not test women's responses to similar images.


A supplementary study on both male and female undergraduates found that men tend to associate bikini-clad women with first-person action verbs such as I "push," "handle" and "grab" instead of the third-person forms such as she "pushes," "handles" and "grabs." They associated fully clothed women, on the other hand, with the third-person forms, indicating these women were perceived as in control of their own actions. The females who took the test did not show this effect, Fiske said.


That goes along with the idea that the man looking at a woman in a bikini sees her as the object of action, Fiske said.


The findings are consistent with previous work in the field, and resonate, for example, with the abundance of female strip clubs in comparison to male strip clubs, said Dr. Charles Raison, psychiatrist and director of the Mind/Body Institute at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. Raison was not involved in the study.


Previous research found that people tend to similarly dehumanize those who are homeless or drug addicts, although the phenomenon in this case is somewhat different, Fiske said. People have reactions of avoidance toward the homeless and drug addicts, and the opposite for scantily clad women.


The broader purpose of the research was to explore circumstances under which people treat one another as the means to an end, Fiske said.


Past studies have also shown that when men view images of highly sexualized women, and then interact with a woman in a separate setting, they are more likely to have sexual words on their minds, she said. They are also more likely to remember the woman's physical appearance, and sit closer to her -- for instance, at a job interview.


Taken together, the research suggests that viewing certain images is not appropriate in the workplace, Fiske said.


"I'm not advocating censorship, but I do think people need to know what settings should discourage the display and possession of these kinds of things," she said.


Both women and men have something to learn from this line of research, Raison said. Women should be aware of how they are perceived when wearing provocative clothing, and men shouldn't let feelings of impersonal sexual longing interfere with their more personal relationships with other women, including female friends. "Many men make foolish choices because of sexual attraction," he said.


"The suggestion might be that there's some hard-wiring there that can interfere with the average man's ability to interact on deeper levels with really hot looking stranger women in bikinis," he said.


Women may also depersonalize men in certain situations, but published research on the subject has not been done, experts say. Evolutionary psychology would theorize that men view women as objects in terms of their youth and apparent fertility, while women might view men as instrumental in terms of their status and resources, Fiske said.


Another avenue to explore would be showing images of men's wives and girlfriends in bikinis, Raison said. He predicts the objectifying effect would not happen in this context.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Feb/Chapter 1: Valentines Day

Valentines day is an interesting day. See lots of flowers delivered to the office today, and at my friend's company the traders were standing up and clapping for any girl that got a bouqet of flowers.

Girls seem to love this day, and honestly, most guys don't really like this day because of all the pressure. Just take this guy for example.

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart and as they had NOT been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note; romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves, The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the sales mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.

If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are eaiser to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Jan/ Chapter 4: Living together part 2

Ok, so people that live together before getting married are more likely to divorce. As previously exlained it's partly because their personalities and expectations of what comes with marriage makes them more predisposed to divorce, and also the situation forces some people to stay together even if they're lukewarm about each other.

Someone also mentioned that they knew of a guy that insisted his GF moved in for a few months before he was willing to marry her.

Again that could just mean he doesn't trust her, and that could mean other problems develop later.

But what if things were much more simple that all of the above points? What if living together just makes people raving mad and want to kill each other? Maybe that's why there's such a high divorce rate these days? As another poster commented:

"Luckily for me, it is the opposite. My husband and I lived together for a long time before getting married and got all the shit that pisses each other off out of the way....or actually we just learned to live with it :)"

What happens if people can't get over all the shit that pisses each other off? Then I started thinking of all the worst things that can happen with living together, and it all started to make sense why. I came up with all the worst things people can possible do whilst living with someone else and it wasn't pretty.

10)You clean up the apartment one night, and when you get back from work the next night, you're partner's messed up the apartment.

9) You're trying to take a nap and hysterical laughter erupts in the next room because your partner was watching a comedy.


8) The guy never puts down the toilet seat....... no 1 reason for modern day divorces.


7) You're eating breakfast and suddenly a naked person runs out of the bathroom dripping water on the floor because there wasn't a towel in there.


6) You've just washed your whites, and your partner didn't know the load was clean, sticks their undies in there, and the worse thing is there's a big skid mark on it.


5) The guy thinks it's ok to leave the toilet door open whilst taking a dump.


4) You have to get to work at 7:30 the next morning. You wake up in the middle of the night, and your partner's snoring resembles the mating call of an African baboon.


3) The guy (girls surely won't do this) picks his nose, rolls it up and then puts it in the girl's plant pot, thinking that it's effective fertilizer. (I've seen a guy do this actually).


2) Your partner frequently farts in bed, and his/her explaination is that you can't smell it when it's under the covers.


1) Last but not least....... the guy doesn't know it's that time of the month, and picks a fight when his girlfriend is .........

If you're single or don't have to deal with this crap, consider yourself lucky!
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