Friday, February 19, 2010

How not to become a man's mistress

So the other day whilst out on a date with my girlfriend (yeah I’m going out with a girl now) she mentioned something I found pretty interesting. When she was single about half the guys that were hitting on her were married or had girlfriends. Half! That’s fucking huge!

In addition to that two other girls told me they had “a lot” of female friends that have had affairs with married men and got burnt as a result, and specifically requested this note. So I figured maybe I should write such a note. If you’re tagged in this note it doesn’t mean you date married men or guys with girlfriends. But you may have a female friend that has in the past, or still does so you might want to pass it on.

Just a couple of disclaimers:

To all the ladies and especially my girlfriend who care about a lot and I hope is not freaked out by the title. I picked the title only because it will get attention: I am writing this series of notes (The Anti-Game) to help women. This note goes into a very detailed analysis of why men cheat. It explains exact moves, lies, manipulative techniques, and thought processes. Now just because I am writing all this, it doesn’t mean I am going to cheat on my girlfriend or my future wife. Having the ability to do something and doing something are two different things. I’m a big guy and if I got in a fist fight with most guys I can probably kill a man, but that doesn’t mean I get into fights. I am able to read human psychology well, and just sharing this information with you so you or your friends don’t get played.

To any men that cheat and clicked on this note: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game”. If you clicked on this note I have no fucking idea if you cheat or not. No names are mentioned in this note, so if you get butt hurt reading it, it’s not me judging you, it’s your conscience judging yourself. If you don’t like it, know this. My dad cheated on my mum when I was 3, and I haven’t seen him in 28 years. So if you want to cheat then that’s your call, but don’t get butt hurt when your wives divorces you, and you never get to see your kids ever again. We make our own choices in life and we have to live with them.

Ok, so why do men cheat?

Men cheat because we’re biologically driven to spread our seed. Just think of animal planet or national geographic. The male deer/ lion/ human that have the most females will have the most offspring and thus will pass on more of their genes.

Women that cheat, cheat for a different evolutionary reason to men. Women are geared to find the strongest male they can get, so if the male they’re currently with turns out to be “not good enough”, a woman that cheats will often start looking around whilst keeping the original male hooked to provide a sense of security. There are a lot of women that do this, so don’t assume it’s only men that play women.

Note that men may cheat even if they’re happily married because they simply want extra sexual variety. They’re usually not looking to move on to the next woman, and that’s the key difference between men and women. Women cheat to look for better quality, men tend to cheat for sexual variety.

You might think that’s wrong because we’re not animals……..but we are, humans are just animals with a bigger brain than most other animals. The sad thing is even if you teach humans the right morals, humans will still often do selfish shit or stupid things that hurt ourselves because of our nature. Yes, we’re all pretty much mentally retarded and need a slap in the face once in a while.

But when it comes to men generally the more successful and powerful a man is the more likely he is to cheat. Just think of Bill Clinton, David Letterman, Tiger Woods, Hugh Grant, and sadly even the great Martin Luther King. All highly successful, hence all attract many women, all biologically driven to spread their seed and all cheat like crazy. I could come up with a list of men about a mile long, and those are just the guys that got caught.

It’s not just celebrities either. Bankers, lawyers, successful businessmen, male models, basically any man that can attract a lot of women is more likely to cheat because he has more options.
On the other end of the spectrum I know plenty of nice guys that can’t even get a date with a girl because they just don’t know how. Don’t ask me to introduce them to you, you won’t like them, and you might be bored out of your fucking mind on a date with one of these guys. In fact these guys are easy to find, and much less likely to cheat because they don’t have the option to cheat. But few women feel chemistry or attraction for them.

Women tend to gravitate to stronger males. So basically the top 10% of the male population are dating, and sleeping around with probably 50% of the women. The next 50% of the male population are dating the other 50% of the women, and something in the region of 40% of the men out there rarely have the chance to date any women.

So does that mean there are no faithful AND successful men out there? No of course not. Men have a responsibility to police themselves. If I was married and some hot girl flirted with me I have the ability to fight against my animal instincts. It’s called self control and not succumbing to temptation. Actually you might want to help your man police himself by sticking a GPS tracking device on his penis, but might be a bit contentious!

Fewer and fewer people these days exercise self control. Many people these days just go with their feelings without thinking about the consequences of their actions, which is why the dating scene has changed so much (for the worse) in the last 50 years.

But what’s more interesting is why do SOME women pick men that already have wives and girlfriends?

Well first of all they see a successful guy, and the see that he’s already been picked by another woman so obviously has something going for him, and then for some reason forget that the guy is CHEATING!

Women tend to be born with two weaknesses, and it’s the same two weaknesses that causes women to pick bad men in general. I strongly suggest you write down these two weaknesses and remember them for life, and share them with your friends and your daughters.

1) Many women would like to think they are so special they can change a man. Women with this weakness think they can turn an asshole into a good partner, or a married man will drop his wife and kids just for her, because she’s special and able to beat the odds.

2) Many women when they start to feel attracted they no longer see a man for who he really is, but see him for who they want him to be. They create a fairy tale in their head and see the guy as who they want him to be in this fairy tale, instead of objectively looking at the guy as who he really is with all his fucked up flaws.

Men who play women know of these two weaknesses and they do something that effectively play off these two natural weaknesses. They do their best to try to prove to women that there’s hope for a future together, and that’s where the manipulation starts to come in.

A man that’s looking to cheat will usually disclose at the beginning that he already has a wife or girlfriend. Sure some cheating men hide this fact, but men who know how to cheat know if the new girl finds out he’s lying then the chances of having an extended relationship is gone.

Another reason to disclose he already has a partner is to disarm the girl he’s going after and make the girl trust him. He wants the girl to know he is not lying about this particular point, and since he is already taken the irony is the woman will tend to relax and have her guard down compared to say if she met a guy that’s obviously making a blatant approach which immediately raises her defenses.

Once the man has disclosed he already has a partner he then hangs out with the girl he’s after to flirt and show his value. Men that already have women are often attractive because they are confident. They are confident because they have someone at home to fall back on if they fail, so they don’t act all desperate about a girl the way a single guy might act.

The man will then use the woman’s lowered guard to get closer and treat her really well, be charming and show his “nice” side.

Then once he feels the girl is showing some initial attraction he throws in the deceptive line.

“I don’t think I love my wife anymore”


“Things are not working out with my girlfriend. I might break up with her soon”

Now the man might truly have fallen out of love with his wife, but it’s still deception. It’s deceptive because he not really thinking of leaving his wife, he just makes it seem like he will.

The lie is thrown out for two reasons.

1) It gives the new girl hope he’s going to leave his previous partner pretty soon, for her.

2) It removes a lot of the guilt the girl feels for being with a guy that already has a partner. By telling her things are not good with his wife and girlfriend anyway, she feels she’s not the one breaking up the previous relationship.

Once the hope is thrown out there and the man starts having a sexual relationship with the new woman, the new woman usually becomes emotionally attached and left hoping, whilst the man is well……..spreading his seed.

Know this.

When it comes to guys with girlfriends: Whilst some men with girlfriends leave the old girlfriend for a new girlfriend, most don’t, and can you really trust a guy that’s cheating? If he’s doing that to another person, can you really trust that he won’t do it to you in future? Shouldn’t you find a guy that has the guts to leave his previous girlfriend before looking for a new one?

When it comes to men with wives: Most men that are married will never leave their wives for a mistress. Most married men that are cheating are trying to get sex on the side, because they’re bored of having sex with the same woman for so long and want variety. But they have too much to lose if they leave the first woman. They will break up their own family or end up in a messy divorce and lose a lot of $.

So basically men that are cheating are throwing hope out there for women that respond to this hope, so they can then have sex with these women. It’s like there are all these invisible fishing lines flying through the air, with hope acting as the bait, and once in a while a woman that’s insecure and lonely takes the bait and then the guy’s in.

But I’m sorry ladies. I can’t just put the blame on men. If you have a relationship with a married man then the chances are you already knew he was married. No one put a fucking gun to your brain and told you to do it.

I can think of hundreds of things in life that are dangerous. They include:
1) Skiing down Mount Everest wearing a bikini.
2) Covering yourself in honey and wrestling a bear.
3) Cutting yourself all over then jumping into a shark infested ocean.
4) Running naked through the streets of Islamabad with a sign on your ass that says “Smack this booty!”

Oh and one more:

5) Getting involved and then emotionally attached with a married man.

If you want an attractive male then go find your own man, not some other woman’s man. You need to shape up and get some self respect for yourself and give some to your female peers.

Now if you have a problem doing that because you’re lonely and you get emotionally attached easily then remember you are not going to live forever. You will die one day, so I think loneliness is not your only problem. Since you’re going to die soon then maybe happiness should be your main aim in life and you are not going to get it with a man that’s already taken.

Sorry for that reality bitch slap but really if you want help that’s pretty much the only help I can give. What else can I add on top of the common sense issue of not going for married men? At least now you know how the game is run, so the next time a married man is hitting on you, just throw your drink in his face and tell him to fuck off home to his wife.


堅仔 said...

sorry for reading this so late but i have to say i like it man :P

keep it up!! :P

your publisher will show up realliiii soon :P

性份 said...




LuvHertz said...

Love your article "How not to become a man's mistress". Love it! Great points made, great evolutionary analysis, great accountability check points as well. Note: Women's weakness #2 . . . This is where come in. LuvHz is a advice-sharing social network for dating accountability. You can compare your Entourage scores for your Vibe (your significant other) to your own scores in order to try to remain objective and gain perspective. Your friends and other members around the world will see the forest when you get lost in the trees. ;)

LuvHertz said...

Love your article "How not to become a man's mistress". Love it! Great points made, great evolutionary analysis, great accountability check points as well. Note: Women's weakness #2 . . . This is where come in. LuvHz is a advice-sharing social network for dating accountability. You can compare your Entourage scores for your Vibe (your significant other) to your own scores in order to try to remain objective and gain perspective. Your friends and other members around the world will see the forest when you get lost in the trees. ;)

Avanika said...

Impressive research done there!! Hi, I'm Avanika, 21 from India. I wrote an article on similar theme that talks of signs of a cheating wife. that's the link. I own a blog too.

LadeeLuck said...

Carlton, I think you're the Bomb..

Download Ebook Gratis | cara-blog | kumpulan bisnis online said...

makasih bro atas share-nya, kunjungi juga download ebook gratis ya :)

Literary Lovers said...

Hello Carlton,

Today as I was reading your article, I found out that i had done the same mistakes as those two weaknesses that you have mentioned. I just thought and believed that I would change my ex-guy (who was single) and turn him into a real man. But now after chucking him out of my life, I feel a lot better. Now I feel that I did the right thing of breaking up first and then look for an honest one. And, yes I didn't but Abhinav found me and I am glad that I acted just the way you have written at the end of your article.


Thanks Carlton for making me realise that I was right.

Nikki said...

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Don't forget to visit my blog too
Thank you :)

Anonymous said...

nice article - I think you've covered it well, I have no idea why women dont support eachother more. I mean why do women do this? no one wants to be cheated on - so why do it yourself?

I just arrived to HK (I'm a girl)and it seriously makes me sick the number of HK guys with chinese mistresses,or the number of guys I know who are actually cheating on their girlfeinds or paying for sex. Actually - on another note, the whole escort/callgirl/prostitute thing here is not one born of necessity - but greed. And it's the women who keep this industry alive. The ones on the net are definately not poor farm girls with no options. I had dinner where there was one from taiwan, who spoke english and had an overseas education - she certainly could have had a great job if she wanted. It's all about self respect, why is it that so few women seem to respect themselves or other women here?

Anonymous said...

With all due respect: at age 55, I am not having an affair to steal aomeone's husband. Actually, would be the farthest thing from my mind. Just having fun enjoying the sex and keeping a happily married man happy in bed which evidently . His wife is unable to do . Welcome to 2012.

Carlton Bradshaw said...

You can look at every situation from many perspectives, and everyone always thinks they're right, and even if they suspect they're wrong, they'll justify it.

Why do you need to explain yourself if you're right?

Deep down inside you know you're wrong, just that you don't care. That's the main problem in this town, most people do things they know that are wrong, they just don't care.

Doesn't mean they're in the right.

Welcome to 2012, where people have shallow values.

Anonymous said...

I can see that you wrote this from a point of view, where being a mistress is something bad.
Problem is in Mainland China, that there are enough girls who do not see it like this.

Abeth Betchokz said...

yeah, yeah...these things happened, hurts a lot..but there are still chances ...why not? but don't slap my

Sridhar Chandrasekaran said...

You have such an interesting blog. Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading your posts. All the best for your future blogging journey.

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