Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sep/ Chapter 1: Individuality, good or bad?

The other day I started wondering if we’re better off or worse since society dramatically liberalized in the 1960’s, and people followed the rigid rules of society a lot less. These days there is greater emphasis on individualism and doing what we feel like doing.

In the past there were certain standards for behavior which fewer people follow now. But those standards wheren't necessarily creating the best results. Fewer people had sex before marriage back then so it was common for people to end up with someone they were not sexually compatible with. Also, people felt obligated to marry for the sake of marrying, marrying someone to please their parents and also sticking with unhappy marriages rather than divorce.

More liberal thinking allowed people to avoid messy marriages. People could now date many people before marriage, have a lot more fun in the process and also figure out what they wanted out of a partner. People now know what they want, and would rather stay single than get into an unhappy marriage.

But have we now swung over to the other extreme? Are people worse off than about 20 years ago? More than one people has complained that the dating scene has gotten a lot worse, and both guys and girls are a lot more selfish, and manipulative. Gone are the days when people seemed to respect each other, now people will do whatever is best for themselves, without worrying whether it was going to hurt the person they’ve been with.

The reason it’s gotten really bad is simply because we now follow our instincts more and more, and do what we feel like doing. But as I’ve discussed many times on this blog previously, our instincts are probably harmful to us. At least in a modern society with morals, doing exactly what we want is going to create a slippery slope downwards.

People these days don’t want to be told what to do, they don’t want to feel any sort of guilt or be judged in any way. They just want to do what feels best, and that to an extent is sad. Sad because although we’ve progressed as a society, in terms of the dating scene we’re more animal like than we were 50 years ago. More promiscuous as a society, less faithful, and have no concern on the affect our actions have on others.

I was having drinks with a friend the other night, and she told me out of 10 married expat couples she knew that got married in Hong Kong, in all cases the men had asked prior to proposing to be given a few months to split up and enjoy their single life. Which means basically go crazy and fuck around prior to getting married.

I explained to her that’s just guys getting scared they will lose their freedom forever, and following their instinctive needs to go sleep with multiple women. We are after all just smart animals, and still have our instincts that have taken millions of years to evolve. Even girls are the same except they have different needs from men. But then she came up with a good counter arguement:

“Isn’t it sad that in this day and age, we can’t even trust the one we want to spend the rest of our lives with? That the institution of marriage is no longer sacred, and women are just marrying ‘smart animals?’ “

Yeah, how very sad indeed………Maybe our society has gone to the other wrong extreme and people should control themselves a little more.


Anonymous said...


A friend of mine started to read your blog and introduced this to me. It occurred to me that many men have a fear of commitment. But somehow, it's interesting for me to note the many mates around me who are settling down are guys. (And just a note, we are in the banking field; and I agree with you, sometimes we can be frivolous when we have too much disposable income without mortgages or education funds to pay for.) Whereas me, I can't find guys that I will commit myself too. Well, you might think I'm a player but I'm not. :-) Really. And these guy friends are truly eligible bachelors. And the feeback is, the sex is surely more satisfying when they're doing it with someone who truly loves them and has gone through fire and rain with them. There's definitely no going back to one-night stands. How about that?

Carlton Bradshaw said...

Wait, so let me get this right.... These guys think sex is better when the women has been through fire and rain with them?

What are they? Into SM and all that bondage shit?

Nah, but seriously. I think for most guys sex is sex. Whether it's good or not with a girl is pretty much hit or miss. Some girls are hot and you're looking forward to it like crazy, then when you get in bed with them it's a major disappointment. Other girls seem all quite, and then make you cum harder than you've ever cum before.

I'm sure it's the same for the girls, when they try it out with a guy for the first time.

Anonymous said...

Haha..you have such a funny bone. Obviously, I'm not talking about SM and all that bondage sort of mess.

Well, what it is, is that because they are doing it with the girl they love and have finally managed to marry, they have increasing, marginal return of satisfaction and love.

They feel absolutely great because their wives feel so loved by them. And I'm guessing that both of them don't suck badly at it. (Good for them!)

You know how you wrote about caring for those girls you felt you really like? That once you cared for them, they gave you a cold shoulder or something like that..

Well, for my guy friends, they are now married to 'that' girl that they really like. And they're living so blissfully because not just the sex is better than those 1-night stands, their relationships with their spouses are fab too. And they've not looked back since.. .. (too gd to be true, u thinkin'?)

Anonymous said...

this is funny:

Carlton Bradshaw said...

Haha, good video.

Well, what you're talking about sounds like true love, which is not too good to be true. If it never happens then people wouldn't be trying so hard to find it.

reiko said...

hey anonymous,
where do u find those guys? it's easier to find dinosaurs these days than to find guys like that!!! :p

Anonymous said...

Hiya Reiko,

Erm, where do I find those guys? Well, I can't say where specifically but I try to mix around with different sorts of people. So, I have a bunch of guy friends who are really nice and not players. Some of them actually don't want to have sex before they marry. (They have my respect!!) Erm, no, they are not bald men in late 40s who have 2 gold teeth and own bungalows with tons of liquidity..) I think it's possible to meet the above 'dinosaurs'. But it's just the 'right dinosaur' whom I feel I can really connect with, that I hope to meet.

And then, I have another bunch of guys who are players, flirts & etc.. But I find them very predictable tactics, very unexciting conversationists, very lacking in character even though they might be flamboyant..uninteresting in general..

But if you have to say, geographically, I'm not based in HK. :-) I just happen to stay in Singapore now. I hope you meet the 'right dinosaur'!


Website counter