Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Sep/ Chapter4: Suck my dick......

The most interesting thing about a player is, when you ask a player if he's a player, some genuinely don't think so. It's like some sort of psychological state of denial to protect themselves. This happens because generally most people like to think of themselves as good people, and lets face it. Even if it’s more acceptable for a guy to be a player, its still a negative connotation if you say a dude is a dog.
The player likes to say.....they just love women, not that they're horny bastards who cant control themselves and don’t give a fuck if they hurt someone.

Similarly if you ask most gold diggers if she's a gold digger, few women would say "yes, in fact i am". No one wants to think of themselves as bad or selfish people even if they are. It’s a rare person who can look in the mirror and accept all that they are. To avoid guilt most people have protection mechanisms called denial, and justification.

The most common form of justification I’ve heard from players is "if a girl comes out to play, she knows what she’s getting herself into". Pushing the blame on to the victim is a well known psychological process that’s common amongst those guilty of a crime that hurts another human being. How a player treats his "target" is much the same, by blaming the victim the player avoids any guilt associated with doing something they actually know is bad.

Recently I let a couple of girls know who James Bond was. If you don't know who I am refering to, it's not the James Bond in the movies, but a guy I know. I talk about him in an old post in June. He's called James Bond because he's the most successful player I know. I told the girls because I know how the scene works and I just want my female friends to know who my player friends are to avoid any of them getting hurt.

James Bond found out.

In response he sent me a couple of messages on facebook. I've been trying to interview James Bond for months, to find out exactly how he operates. Ironically now that he's pissed off he's speaking with his heart and revealing a lot more about how a player thinks.:

"Could you stop backstabbing me by telling others that I’m a playboy/I have a lot of GFs? You don’t even know me and I treated you as a friend……." Then deletes me on facebook.

I wrote back saying, what’s the big deal? I tell my friends I am a player too.

"Stop finding yourself excuses as it does not make any fucking sense to me man. you are just a loser, period. I can’t consider you as a friend anymore. No decent guy friends of mine would say things like that, grow up and be a man with honor. All I can see is a selfish ass who stabs his friends for girls."

Now I got mad, because I don't mind if a priest gave me a lecture about "decency", "honor", and "selfisness". But the biggest player I know!? Here's my response to the guy:

1) First of all, I am not close to you. I’ve been clubbing with you less than half a dozen times, dinner once, and I was invited to one Taipei trip together because I would be a good wing man. It’s not like I would have been invited if I was a 400 lb ugly fat fuck, that would not have fit in well with a clubbing crew. Lets be honest, right?

2) Don’t talk to me about honor. That’s like a thief telling another thief to have honor amongst thieves. A long time ago I realized there were only strong/weak, good/bad in this world. I’ll rather protect a "good" female friend than a fucked in the head "bad" male friend. Look in the dictionary, honor means integrity and dignity. Honor is not about fucking a different girl every other week, then going to a club and finding a new girl. It’s only because I do have honor that I warn my female friends, rather than stay quiet and watch as they become prey.

3) Only a player would assume that someone warning girls is actually backstabbing him to get girls. Of course it "makes no fucking sense" when I tell girls I am a player, anyone that does that significantly lowers their chance of getting that girl. Most players wouldn't get this because they think with their dick, and assumes everyone else does the same. Seriously there couldn't be a better definition of selfishness than a guy who's dick's more important than everything else around him.

4) Players should just face the fact that they’re players, be a fucking man and admit to it. It's only decent to stop pretending to be a nice guy. Why pretend to have any decency, date, use, then dump a girl? Have the balls to tell girls that you’re sleeping around, and then if the girl still wants to have sex with you, she’s made the conscious choice. Don’t lead her on into thinking you will be her boyfriend and then break her heart.

5) If you don’t want to be a honorable man, that’s fine. I'm not exactly a saint myself, and I'm not going to shove morality and moral highground down your throat. But if and when you meet female friends of mine I will tell them you are a player to protect them.

If people can't take the reputational heat, then maybe they shouldn't have done it in the first place. That goes for Bill Clinton, Elliot Spitzer, and James Bond.

*Ok, now that you've read this post. What's your opinion? Was it right for me to warn female friends the guy's a player? Two guys, have said the following: It wasn't your business to get involved, and besides, getting hurt is a process through which the girls grow and learn about relationships and guys.
Two girls on the other hand have said it was reasonable to warn the girls. If they were the girls, they would definitely have preferred to have known.

Hmm, seems like what people think is reasonable or not is divided along gender lines.

What's your stance?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

is it wrong to rat out a player? hmm well, it really depends on what your true ultimate goal is in ratting the person out. Are you trying to suck up to the girl to get on her "good side?" Are you truly caring for her well being? Are you really good friends with the guy or not? Either way, a true player wouldn't care because his game is good enough to move on to the next target. Besides, if he's really THAT good, it shouldn't stop him. People talk smack behind my back all the time... warning girls about me being a "player" or whatever. The truth of the matter is, if he's not a player, then he has to prove he's not. If he is a player, then fuck it... move on!

Anonymous said...

i don't think it was wrong of you. i respect a man who's a player and has the balls to own up to it. i got hurt by a "james bond" once and it was heartwrenching, if only he'd told me he just wanted sex. i might have gone along with it for a long time.

Anonymous said...

i agree on dobbing him in. to be honest, as a player, it's not easy owning up to one's behaviour. Otherwise (if u have morals) will end up hating yourself.

Protecting female friends isn't just getting on their good side, but becos guys were created to protect women in the first place.

I with you on that!!

Players out there, own up and stop conning the gals who play serious... cos eventually u'll discover, u're conning yourself...

and lose your own identity...

Canada Girl said...

You're simply offering opinion and information for your friends. I don't see why that is a problem at all.

Say, if you know there is a rat problem in the building, you'd warn your friends not to buy the apartment. It is their decision in the end. You are only offering advice, that's what friends do.

On the other hand, if you knowing conceal critical information from your friends which can cost them to make terrible decision, it makes you a jerk no better than James Bond.

BigAssGirl said...

OMG! Can I meet James Bond?..pls point him out to me next time...

Don't think it's wrong at all to warn your friends - what difference does it make whether they're male or female friends?

Mr. Bond clearly goes with the "Bros before Hoes" motto - but would probably do the same if he had a 'really good female friend' about to fall for another player.

But, as you've mentioned in your previous blogs, it's true that Bond either: a) truely believes he is NOT a player or b) is in utter self denial. And therefore very upset that you have been saying these things that he believes not to be true.

Would be really interested to see what tactics Bond uses on women. If it's the usual sweet talking but then being completely selfish with his time, making you come to him when he's free, making excuses not to hang out with you when you're with friends etc, then ladies, move on.

Carlton Bradshaw said...

Ok, there hasn't been a comment for a while so I'll give my response.

There's a saying, "bros before hos", which basically means a guy should never chase a girl if that means putting the desire for the girl before his friend.

James Bond immediately assumed that I warned girls about him because I was going to hit on those girls. In which case, I would be worse than James Bond because I was putting my own selfish interests before anyone.

I was just warning the girls because I worried about their well being.

Other people also said by warning the girls I was disrupting what ultimately would be a natural progression of things, and preventing the girls from learning from the experience.

Someone used the analogy of me being a cameraman filming a nature documentary that scares off a lion to prevent it from killing a prey.

Good analogy but.........

What if nature had been altered so that the prey was now at a disadvantage? What then? There's 30% more women between 25-35 in Hong Kong.

That makes it real easy for men to get women, it's almost like shooting fish in a barrel, and that's hardly fair.

A player in this city should have the balls to let women know he's only interested in the sex and let her pick. It's he's going to use deception on someone I know, I'm going to level the playing field by letting the truth be known.

Carlton Bradshaw said...

What is also interesting is that with the exception of a few generally, the men think what I did was wrong, whilst the girls thought what I did was right. This is even after I tell people to be objective.

At the end of the day people are divided along gender lines because the men can identify with the guy chatting up a girl. Whilst the girls can identify with the emotional pain the victim experiences.

I don't think along gender lines. I see good and bad people, and if I see a male friend hitting on a girl I know is a psycho bitch I'll warn him too.

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