How to get a guy to settle part 8: Love someone who loves you

So, what other ways to find out if a guy’s going to be the committed type and not just stringing you along? Well the simple and seemingly obvious answer is to like only those guys that love you, and going to treat you well.

But to do this, you might need to have the strength to control your own instincts and figure out what you deem attractive.

Now, as explained at the beginning of this blog. Women are instinctively attracted to "bad guys". Firstly a guy that’s outgoing will naturally be able to get more women, and doesn't need to stick with one girl. Secondly, as explained in Chapter 2 in June if a women has children with a guy that can reproduce with more women (usually an alpha male type) then if she has a son with this guy, her son will also be more promiscuous, hence sleep around and also pass her genes on.

You might think that’s ridiculous, women don’t pick men that sleep around. "Give me a break! Women want nice guys!" you say. But speaking from personal experience, and many other guys will testify to this. Nice guys come last, and women are more likely to pick "bad guys". When I was younger I learnt to stop caring for girls so much when I was chasing them. When I didn’t really like a girl but just wanted to get a her in bed, I came off as cool and fun to be with, and I would be more likely to get the girl. But whenever I really cared about a girl, it would show and I would come off as needy and desperate, the girl would lose interest, and I would get my feelings hurt.

Haha, don’t go awwww. I’m being very serious here, and it’s all true.

People that really care may sometimes try a bit too hard, and come off desperate, clingy, and needy. As I said before even players can end up getting their hearts broken, because the irony is on the rare occasions the player really was serious about someone, that someone didn’t care back.

That just shows that it’s not only about the looks or how eligible a guy is. When a guy doesn’t care, he scores higher on list 1, and the woman is naturally attracted to him. But it’s hard to tell if he’s going to score high or low on list 3. Players don't broadcast their intentions and that's the secret to their success. The guy could be sleeping with 5 girls at the same time, and as long as the girl doesn’t find out, because she likes him, she will naturally assume he scores high on list 3. If she really likes him she won't even care if he scores low!

Now, when I say nice guys I don’t mean an ugly guy you find repulsive. I mean a decent looking guy that’s interesting, but you start losing interest because he’s calling you 5 times a day, and always wants to see you. You’re probably losing interest because he’s coming off as desperate and needy. But he’s probably not a loser, it’s more likely he just really cares about you. If the definition of a loser is someone that breaks your heart, then it’s probably more likely a guy that’s cool, confident, but indifferent will be that loser, than someone that comes off as needy.

It may seem so obvious, but you’ll be surprised how women are driven by instinct to like "bad guys", and ignore the guys that will actually treat them well. Some women learn to give up on players earlier in life after being hurt, but many women in their 30's will still end up dating men that are interesting but won’t commit.

Another way to spot if someone’s going to score low on list 3 is to find out how they treat other people. A guy that’s generally good with a good heart is less likely to cheat on you or use you, because it’s not in his nature. But if a guy is shit to others, then he’s likely to be shit to all girls. I posted earlier about narcissists, people that love themselves too much and will be bad partners in relationships.
There are also guys that just see women as physical sex objects. These guys might be good fun to hang out with as friends, and they will probably have many female friends they respect, but when it comes to the girls they chase, it’s a game and they don’t care if they break the girl’s heart.

Again you say it’s obviousnot to go for such guys. But again, you’ll be surprised how many girls stay with guys they know have broken the hearts of many girls. The key to the player’s success is he won’t advertise it at the start, and once the girl finds out later she’s too in love to care. Even if she worries he’s going to do it to her as well, chances are she can't stop being with the guy.

Some girls even date guys that have girlfriends or married already, desperately hoping she can make a guy leave his woman for her. Now you might look down on such women, but again the secret to the guy's success is he doesn't broadcast he's married at the start. Once the girl is in love she's finds it much harder to leave the guy even if she knows what she's doing is wrong.

But I think the answer here is simple. If a guy can leave a girl he’s already with for another girl, he can do it again to the new girl some time in the future.

So if you're done dating guys that seem fun but break your heart, then simply date the guy loves you at the start. He might come off as desperate and needy, but someone that’s already in love with you will be less likely to be playing around. If he's really a weirdo, and not desperate and needy because he's in love, it's much easier for you to drop him emotionally, than someone you love but doesn't care about you.

Of course, once you find out the guy is abusive, cheats all the time, and manipulative. The reality is he doesn't really love you at all. No matter how much it hurts, you got to leave him. There are so many other guys out there, and dragging it on is just a waste of your own time.....

How to get a guy to settle part 7: Compromise (cont'd)

Ok, so what do these lists tell us?

Well, first of all the lists give a more structured idea of what girls really wants in a man. Just about every girl will hope for the "jackpot guy". The jackpot guy is the guy that’s charismatic, has a good job, and will be faithful and commit. But unfortunately the jackpot guy probably forms less than 1% of the single male population. Every time he magically appears he’s snapped up immediately.

For the other 99% of the female population, you need to make a compromise. Certain qualities just don’t mix together. For example charisma and commitment tend to be inversely related, because the more charismatic men can get lots of women, and hence don’t want to settle with just one girl.

Successful players all have qualities from list 1 (charisma), and depending on the age and profession will also have qualities from list 2 (money). But of course they lack qualities from list 3 (commitment). Women fall for players because they are instinctively attracted to the qualities in list 1. When a player hits on a girl, the girl doesn’t know whether he sleeps around or not, she might not even care. The player is concerned about getting the girl in bed, and what the girl is thinking about is she’s met a guy that’s charming and charismatic.

All a player has to do to get a girl in bed is not to come off as a guy that won’t commit during the courtship phase. He might not even have to lie, it’s the girl that’s made the assumption the player was serious when he wasn’t. The player’s mission is basically to form a fantasy in the girl’s head, because that’s where his success lies.

I know a friend so wrapped up in the fantasy, her man later told her he doesn’t want to commit and wants to see other girls, and she won’t leave him because she hopes he will settle down one day.

Here’s the not so big secret………You can’t create the jackpot man! Men don’t change just because you hope they will!

Women do this all the time, they go find a charismatic man, and then expect they can change that guy and he will settle down. Then when the man doesn’t change they’ve wasted 2-3 years on a man. It’s not a big secret once you realize the dynamics of the problem and the small odds of ever finding the jackpot man. Even if a girl is extremely attractive the chances of finding the jackpot man is down to luck, which is why all those pretty girls out there are still looking and still single.

Here’s a couple of mistakes to avoid, and strategies if applied would help a girl increase her chances of finding a decent guy, not the jackpot guy, but someone decent.

Stop trying to find the jackpot guy, you can’t control whether you find him or not. It’s purely down to chance, and the odds are pretty low. Girls that "know what they want" but want perfection will end up single for life. (So will guys, and I know a few guys like that)

Do not focus on list 2 too much, especially the quality of a guy lavishing gifts on his girlfriend. Hong Kong is a place that places too much importance on materialism, and lots of girls are too materialistic. HK men are not dumb, women here are infamous amongst the men for being too greedy. Firstly, when a girl expects too many free meals and gifts from her man, then unless she has some sort of control over her man, the man can get rid of her whenever he loses interest. Secondly, imagine meeting Jackpot man, who’s actually got money and will provide for his wife, but he happens to hate gold diggers and girls that take their men for granted.

Girls that are materalistic are just reducing their own chances of finding a commited husband. But if lots of gifts and free meals are more important than a partner for life then sure, a girl should pursue what makes her happy.

Realize that list 3 is the most important and list 1 is the least. List 3 has no meaning if you are just having a fling, but unless you can break up with the guy without heartache you better find someone strong on list 3 in the first place. Focusing on list 1 and hoping to get qualities in list 3 out of the guy can be a big waste of time and potential tragedy. This is not to say that you go out and find a totally boring guy, because you still need to be happy. But lots of girls need to lower their expectations for list 1.

Girls need to get out there to meet more people. When they’re out there they need to be open to dating all guys, and not just the ones that are charismatic and create the best first impressions. The reason women seem to always end up with players is because players always make the first move! Some men might have high marks from list 2 and 3, but just happen to be shy and not as socially outgoing. They might not be the jackpot man but they could be a great boyfriend and husband, you just had to take the time to get to know them! So if a guy is shy a girl could always flirt with him to arouse interest or make him braver.

How to get a guy to settle part 6: Compromise

One of the reasons I started this blog was because I was curious why there were so many good looking, smart and successful women that were single, and many were already in their 30’s. It made no sense because if it was down to natural selection then these women would be the most sort after by men, and none of them should be single.

Then I realized it was because the most attractive women were also looking for the most outgoing and successful men, and wanted commitment at the same time. By expecting more, the women were all competing for a limited supply of men that were outgoing, successful and weren’t playing around.

If I told a beautiful successful woman, she could definitely get married if she found an ugly short fella with a mediocre job, would she go for that guy? Very unlikely, and she would say it’s because she’s not attracted to the guy, or has no feelings for the guy. But average women marry short ugly men with mediocre jobs all the time! Those women know what’s good looking and what’s not, but they lower their expectations to find someone they are actually able to settle down with.

There’s a mechanism subconsciously somewhere, where a woman is calculating what type of a man she can get. Since women are driven to find the best man possible, if she can’t get that man she’ll rather be single than get married. So the more attractive women stay single and keep looking and looking.

Now, you probably know what I’m going to say. You think I am going to tell all the pretty girls to lower their expectations and marry ugly men. Not true, I just want the girls to reassess what they really need in a man and what they can give up on.

There are three groups of qualities women like in men, and the important thing to remember is that the groups are separate, so a guy could score high in one group and low in the others. The first group relates to charisma and tends to be what women are instinctively attracted to.

Remember these are selection criteria developed over millions of years, and are attractive to the woman because if she was with a man with such qualities then the chances of her and her offspring surviving increases. They might not impact survival in the modern world as much but women are still attracted to them. Here are the lists of modern qualities, the brackets are explanations of why they are attractive from an evolutionary perspective:

Charisma and looks (Qualities that makes a man more competitive in human society)
Good social skills
Confident
Intelligent
Charming
Good sense of humor
Decent looks and height.

Material wealth and resources (More resources equals increased chance of survival)
Lots of money
Good job
Nice clothes and car
Willingness to lavish gifts on a female partner.

Commitment (Increased survival chances for a woman and her offspring as her man is actually close to her to protect and provide for them)
Not playing the girl
Not stringing the girl along but willing to marry
Not sleeping around with other women
Being at home with the family after work

In the next post I will explain how a woman can reassess what she wants from a man from looking at these tables.

How to get guys to settle part 5: Narcissists

It’s hard to spot stringers at the start of a relationship because you need to find out a lot about a guy’s character before you can make a judgment call. But there are some guys that are obvious stringers, or worse, nightmare partners even if you marry them.

Since I’ve started this blog I’ve heard some pretty tragic stories.
Guy dates a girl for years then goes and gets someone else pregnant, and won’t pay for the abortion. Guy gets drunk and smacks his girl around like a punching bag. Guy convinces reluctant girlfriend to get into a threesome with him and another girl, and when she walks out of the room, he doesn’t chase her down but does it with the other girl.

When I bring up these stories most people will probably have a few questions or comments to make, and I’ll address the most likely questions.

"How often does this stuff happen? It would never happen to me!": Tragic stories happen more often than people realize. That’s mainly because they happen behind closed doors and so we hear very few stories. In Hong Kong, about 20% of families face some sort of domestic violence in the household, either directed at the wife, or parents at the kids. So a large number of men have anger issues. Also, lots of men cheat, we know that. It’s just rarer for men to get caught in such an uncaring manner.

"Why would a girl put up with any of the above situations, is she crazy?": Most people have counseled friends that have stuck with boyfriends or even girlfriends that were obviously not a good partner, and the relationship was pretty toxic. Yet the person that was hurting would always seem to go back to their nightmare boyfriend and girlfriend, as if they were a drug addict that could not pull away from something obviously unhealthy.

But these people are not crazy. What’s happened is they were being controlled by strong feelings due to the pair bonding they’ve had with their partner. There’s usually various ways in which such strong pair bonding occurs. But the most common is strong sexual attraction, and I’m not trying to be shallow here by bring it back to sex. This is the truth.

If you want a guy to go crazy about a girl you don’t find him a caring girlfriend, you find him a very attractive woman that’s at the top of the range of what he can get. If you want to drive a girl crazy, you get her a guy that can make her cum real hard, through good sex. This behavior is even examined in the recent Ang Lee movie "Lust Caution", where a woman falls in love with the man she’s meant to kill.

The sex or physical appearance isn’t necessarily what the person will consciously think about all the time when they think of their partner. The good sex just serves as the pair bonding mechanism. What the girl will end up thinking about when a relationship sours and the guy turns out to be a jerk is the good memories they had together, hopes of the future they could have together and a focus on the good aspects of her problematic man. On the other hand, if she thinks about breaking up with the man it only brings heartache.

When someone is confronted with strong attraction for a partner, and pain at the thought of leaving them, then no matter how badly their partner screws up, as long as they say sorry they will be able to string the infatuated person along. So it’s important to identify which guys are going to be bad partners before a girl falls for the guy hard, and then has a problem leaving the man.

"What’s wrong with these guys?" Well if a guy is violent then obviously he’s got anger management issues. But I think the uncaring way in which these guys act is tied to a character flaw both men and women may have.

These people are egocentric and narcissists and only care about themselves, their own needs and affairs. Even though they want their partners, they will only care about them when their partner’s wellbeing doesn’t conflict with their own desires. If they have desires that would significantly hurt the interests of their partner, they will go and do it anyway.

No one starts off as a nightmare boyfriend, the guy will be great then slowly shows his true colors. But if you ever find someone that consistently shows a serious lack of respect for your feelings and interests, then no matter how much you care about him, and no matter how many times he says sorry, warning bells should sound in your head. Early signs can be shown from as early as a few weeks into a relationship to a few months. Avoid egocentric people, because things will only get worse with them.

Aug/ Chapter 1: Shanghai nights

Ok, gonna take a small break from the relationship advice for women, and tell you a story from a few months ago. It's a story about treating your women right. See, when a woman really loves a man she can put up with a lot of shit. The guy can be a total bastard to her, and she might even know her man is cheating. But no matter how much a woman loves her man, if he keeps breaking her heart and someone else comes along and the conditions are right, she's going to cheat.

It was getting close to winter and I was visiting my best friend yet again in Shanghai. He had recently gotten married with his lovely wife whom I was also friends with. But I stay at their place each time I go because it's fun to hang out at night, do boys stuff like eat and drink late into the night whilst chatting and playing his Xbox.

Shanghai is one of the biggest party towns in the World, and it has the best looking women on earth there. The best looking females out of a 1.2 billion population gravitate to this Mecca of decadence, and debuchery for two things...........money..........and men with money. One thing I both like and dislike about Shanghai is how easy the locals girls are. Not all the girls are like that, but a lot of the girls just throw themselves at the expat men.

Being a Western educated Chinese with money is Shanghai is like being a hungry man at a free buffet at the Grand Hyatt. It's the only place I've ever been to where I didn't have to hit on women, and the women walked up to me. But there's one thing that I can't stand about Shanghai, and that was the stench of golddiggers. I hate women that go after men not because they are in love, but because they are in love with a man's wallet.

My friend has a big crew in Shanghai, in his short time there he and his wife had built an extensive network of friends and associates, so it was a lot of fun to go up there. Whenever I go up there I don't have to make an effort to meet strangers, it always feels like I was visiting my second home.

The clubs are excellent, much better than the ones in Hong Kong. One of my best friend's buddies was a western educated Chinese guy that was totally pimped out with a crew of hot female friends. He was no gangster but his table was the stuff of dreams with tall, beautiful, leggy girls grinding against the guys, and they weren't even pros.

I started dancing and grinding with one of the girls who spoke English well, and found out she was educated in Australia and used to be a flight attendant. OH flight attendant! Flight attendants were girls I've always wanted to try but never gotten. These days there are a lot around in HK, but they are still every guy's dream, especially when the guy's out of town and in party mode.

A few hours later I was taking the girl back to her place and we were making out in the cab. When we got downstairs I asked if I could go up to her place and that's when she dropped a bombshell on me. She told me she had a boyfriend and loved him very much. I struggled to think of a reason why she didn't really love her boyfriend, and should spend the night with me. "But, but........" I spluttered, and then she left.

You have no idea how lonely it is to be in your best friend's living room in Shanghai by yourself at 4am, with a cup noodle and a Xbox

The next day whilst at a lunch buffet with my friend and his buddies at the Westin I called the girl and arranged to meet her for dinner. The Westin serves free Champagne, and there was lots of beer and whisky at the Karaoke in the afternoon. So when I met the girl I was already in caveman mode, happy and talkative.

I found out later that night her boyfriend was an expat and businessman, and he was a real bastard to her. She had quit her job as a flight attendant because he didn't like her flying around, being in other cities, with the potential of meeting other men. She wasn't working for a mainland Chinese carrier either, it was an international carrier which paid well, so she had made a big sacrifice for him. But despite her sacrifice he neglected her, and talked down to her.

So I did what any decent guy who wanted to sleep with a girl that's taken would do. I told her, her boyfriend was a scumbag and she deserved someone better.

A few hours later after spending some time at a local club, we were downstairs at her apartment again. This time I got out of the cab to kiss her good bye. I told myself there was no way I was eating a cup noodle by myself that night, playing Xbox alone in the dark in my best friend's apartment

So I spent half an hour in the freezing cold telling her she deserved better and her boyfriend was a scumbag. Then out of nowhere the best line I had ever uttered in my entire life popped out of my mouth......."hey babe, I don't want to intrude but I need a drink and the toilet, can I come up to your place for a few minutes?"

=)

The girl turned out to be crazy in bed. She was relatively quiet and demure at dinner, but when we got to her bedroom she rode me like a sex starved insane bitch. It was kinda surreal, being drunk, happy that I wasn't playing on my friends Xbox two nights in a row, and wondering how a girl can be so surprisingly different in bed. Then I realised it was because she really was sex starved and going insane, because her man was never around her.

We had breakfast and then after I said bye to my best friend I took a cab to the airport with the girl. She wasn't taking me all the way to the airport to say bye to me at the departure gate. The girl was picking her boyfriend up, because he was landing an hour after I took off.

Truly classic, the guy had been away for the weekend on business, probably in some other town in China screwing another girl, smug and happy that he was away from his annoying girlfriend. Meanwhile some guy from Hong Kong, was fucking his girlfriend's brains out in his apartment.

So treat your woman right, or next time she picks you up at the airport with a big grin on her face, it's not because she's happy to see you......

How to get a guy to settle part 4: Take your time

Taking your time during the courtship stage of a relationship is very important. This requires quite a bit of self control in terms of behavior and thought processes.

The first and most important thing is not to have sex too quickly. Most women know this already, but they end up doing it too quickly, because lets face it.......girls like having sex as well. If a guy really likes you he can wait, in fact, if a guy wants you to have sex with him at any point in the first 2 dates, that’s a warning sign. It shows that the guy is thinking with his dick, and most probably a player. Even if a guy isn't a player, you don't want to start a relationship that's based on sex at the start.

But please don’t lead a guy on, don’t invite a guy up to your apartment late at night, start kissing him on your couch. Then when he tries to take your clothes off, you go “aha! You’re a player!”. You don't know how many girls have come up to my place and done this. I mean, were they seriously fucking with me? (pun intended) Actually, a lot of girls do this last minute resistance thing, it's actually documented.
But that’s called entrapment and hardly a good test of a guy’s character. If you wave a sausage in front of a hungry dog, it's got to be REALLY well trained not to take a bite. Pick neutral areas, preferably without the consumption of too much alcohol, and don’t let a guy take you to his place or up to yours.

Lengthening the courtship process will also allow you to find out more about the guy and make sure he’s not a stringer. The key is to find out what he’s views are on relationships, family and friendships. Also you need to find our his views on morality in general. Don't worry, you don't need to do all this before you have sex, that's unrealistic. But you better find out early on in the relationship before you've wasted 2-3 years on a stringer.

Never date guys with no close friends. It shows the guy has problems getting close to and connecting with other people. There are guys that will have lots of friends but they are not close to anyone. The guys with solid brotherly like friendships are the ones that will be better at intimacy and potentially marriage.

In addition, what happens to the guy’s close friends is an indicator of whether the guy will settle down soon or not. If most of a guy’s close friends are already married then he will be more likely to get married. Not only does it mean he has fewer buddies with time to hang out together, but seeing his best friends happily married will make some guys reassess and think about what’s important in life.

Men from broken families might be less likely to marry. If a person’s parents get divorced whilst they are still young, that person might develop a lack of faith in the institution of marriage. Speaking from a personal point of view, because my real parents divorced when I was just a child, I always looked at and focused on the divorce stats. The fact that the divorce rate in the US is 50%, and 34% in HK tells me that the odds of divorce is pretty high. So, I am reluctant to get married.

I'm not saying to never date men whose parents have been divorced, since that would remove a large percentage of otherwise normal guys. But if a guy isn’t up for the concept of marriage then find out if it’s related to his parent’s status. Whilst if a guy’s parents are divorced, find out if he’s against the idea of marriage. If your guy has a fear of marriage, he could be stringing you along for years with no plans to commit.

If it was anywhere in the Western world I would tell you that if you are tired of good looking, smooth talking men being the players and stringers, then go for a less attractive guy. Someone who’s not as outgoing but intelligent, funny and a potentially good partner. In other countries some men are very nice guys but are gun shy, don’t like to hit on women, or just not very outgoing at the start of a relationship.

I can’t tell you that in HK, because many men that can’t get a decent girlfriend can simply visit a pro in China or Macau. So now even the less attractive men are not safe! The worst guys are the ones that were turned down by girls when younger, but found out later in life they can get girls with money (not just pros). Those men make very bad partners, because they are disillusioned with the whole idea of romance and think women can be bought. Find out what the guy’s view is on sex, dating and moral issues.

Finally people are more likely to marry if they are from the same socioeconomic backgrounds. Don't crucify me here, because I am just reporting what other people think, I'm not looking down or judging. Many guys with a good educational background, money and success will have no problem dating a party girl with no higher education. But the chances they will marry such a girl is very slim. It's because guys have different criteria between a girlfriend and a wife, and he will also worry about what his parents and the people around him think if he marries someone that's not from the same background.

The guy might also have the same problems in his head if he's going to be marrying up to a girl from a rich family. He's going to worry if he can make enough money, or if the people in this new family might look down on him. Don't want to dispell the Cinderella story, and it's not impossible, but in real life it's rare for people of vastly different backgrounds to marry.

Not an easy task, it can take a while to find out some of these issues. If you ask a guy too soon he’ll think you’re a freak, and even if you ask later, be subtle and casual about it. But if warning lights flash, you better get that butterflies in the stomach feelings out of your system and reassess if the guy might string you on for years with no commitment.

Key points from this post:

Take your time, do not have sex too soon.

Never date guys with lots of friends but no close friends.

If a guy's close friends are married, he's more likely to get married.

Be aware if a guy's parents are divorced, find out how he sees marriage.

Find out if someone has a decent moral and value system.

Date people of a similar socioeconomic background. If the difference is too big it's going to be a barrier to marriage.

Be ready to leave a guy if he's got a lot of the traits that indicate he's not ready for marriage and going to string you along.

How to get a guy to settle part 3: Selection Process

Before I can go further about stringers or players we need to rewind a bit. As I mentioned at the very beginning of this blog. Although women always say they want to meet a nice guy that will settle down. They are genetically driven to be attracted in the following traits in men. Intelligence, ambition, humor, physical appearance and the ability to attract lots of women. (If you're confused read June part 2).

The problem is that our instinctive drivers are not necessarily the best for us now that we're no longer cave people and progressed as a society. Let me use a different but simple example; our appetite and desire to eat even when we are already fat. If we were trying to survive in the wild with no steady supply of food, our ability to store fat is crucial to survival. But in our modern society where food is plentiful, being hungry and able to easily store fat is not a good thing, and we as a society desperately try to keep the fat off. Every year people spend tens of billions on diets, healthy foods, gym memberships and even surgery to avoid getting fat.

A woman's nature selection method for her partner might not be the best thing for herself either. I'm not saying women in her attempt to find a man that will settle down should avoid smart, outgoing, and ambitious men and pick a dumb, lazy and boring man. What I am saying is that a women should change the way in which she discovers smart, outgoing and ambitious men. This is best done by understanding how women are attracted to men.

A few years ago a book in the US got really big, it's called "The Game" and explored the exploits of the author and his friend Mystery, who was a successful player and was teaching his strategies to other men, and significantly increasing their ability to meet women and get them in bed. Mystery has since written his own book which I haven't read, but the mystery method basically used evolutionary psychology and knowledge of how humans pair bond to increase a man's chances with a woman.

The last time I checked Mystery was charging 20K USD a head in his seminars to teach men how to chat up women. Women that would normally turn down men would fall prey to men using the mystery method. He had successfully taught strategies that changed results in the how well men could get women. The men applying these strategies were not applying something that came natural to them, something that was instinctive, but something that was learnt.

Recently some girls I talked to did not believe that a woman could consciously increase her chances in getting a man to settle down with her. Those girls felt that whether we meet the right person or not was down to chance. This is probably true if you're refering to a soul mate, I can't help a person be at the right place at the right time. But there's definitely a strategy to avoiding men that are using women, and also in getting a guy that's serious.

If Mystery is able to teach men to successfully get past women's defenses when the woman is most in control (at the start when she's not yet emotionally attached and can walk away), it's absolutely possible for a woman to get past a man's defenses and have more control in her relationship.

Woman are naturally attracted to the alpha male that shows characteristics which would bring success in our society. Intelligence, confidence (but not cockiness), being a leader amongst men, willingness to take risk, etc. Women are so naturally drawn to these attributes that many girls who say they're not interested in the player types, will fall for the player if he exhibits such attributes in a first meeting. I've seen my most successful player friends disarming girls by basically displaying these attributes, and getting a girl into her comfort zone.

Does that mean the player is a natural leader amongst men? On the surface yes, but here's the interesting thing. Out of all the players I know, most have at one point truely fallen for a girl, and been burnt badly by truly liking that girl. For some reason, when they truly fall for a girl, they show weakness, and an inability to play the game they normally play, and hence the girl will lose interest.

So girls are falling for players even when they are being played. Whilst players that truly like a girl totally mess up their game. How players succeed or crash and burn tells me a lot. It tells me that woman are instinctively hardwired to like certain types of behaviours in men. It doesn't matter if a man truly like the girl, or is truly intelligent or a leader amongst men, if he doesn't play the right game at the start the girl will write him off. A girl might say she hates players but because she likes those attributes, she's susceptible to getting deceived into believing a player is genuine even when he's not.

If girls are making bad choices based upon what they're evolutionary driven to like or not like, girls should learn to bypass their instincts and apply logical strategies to their selection process. In effect do exactly what Mystery and the players are doing, which is to understand the opposite sex and benefit from it. The benefit not being getting laid, but exercising control at the selection stage when women have the most power.

Sorry doing a bit of a rewind, but I had to cover this important point before I start bringing up things a woman should look for in a man, which might be different from what her instincts are hardwired to like.

Key points from this post:

Sometimes our instictive drivers are bad for us. Our appetite is an example.

A woman's natural selection process might not be the best thing for herself.

Some men understand women better than they understand themselves and that's why these men can take advantage of them.

Mystery, a chat up artist and player had taught men successful strategies on how to get women interested.

If men could learn strategies that could get them women, women could learn strategies on how to get the right man.

A woman will have to look for attributes in men that are different from her natural instincts, apply artifical filters. (The age of commitment is one I've already explained which does not come natural to women)