Sunday, November 2, 2008

Nov/ Chapter 1: Make up

I was chatting to a few friends about the book I'm writing and the second part of it is basically a guide to teach women how to better communicate with men in ways that actually gets through to us. In other words strategies that makes a guy appreciate a girl more, and ultimately he won't lose interest in the relationship.

A couple of the girls immediately got agitated and asked why they have to compromise or change in any way to get a guy? They would rather stay single for life than to make any changes for a guy.

Well first of all, we all make changes to our behaviour to fit in with other humans. We are better behaved at work, we treat out boss and professional contacts with respect. Of course, it's different in a relationship, we are after all trying to be ourselves and enjoy ourselves in a relationship. But what if being ourselves doesn't effectively communicate to and get through to our partners? What if we need to act and talk in ways the other sex actually understands and appreaciates?

Guys understand we need to change our behavior just to get girls interested in the first place. Girls say they like nice guys but are actually attracted to fun, and confidence. That's why there's a phrase nice guys come last. If we chase too hard or really like a girl too much at the beginning, it makes us look nervous and needy and it drives off girls.

Girls face another problem. Although girls dump guys all the time, many girls face the problem of their boyfriends losing interet in a relationship, and there are psychological reasons why guys do that.

One of my friends still disagreed, and the funny thing is she started applying make up in front of me. The application of make up is an artifical act and behavior women learn from an early age to make themselves more attractive. If the standard is that women shouldn't make any changes to get men interested then women shouldn't take all that time to wear make up, or to dress sexy for a night out.

Some behaviors are so ingrained in human psyche that we've internalized them and they come natural to us. We don't even think about them anymore. That includes women applying make up and dozens of other behaviors women already have that makes them more attractive to men. They're just not aware of the implications because it's all subconscious.

What I didn't want to point out is that my friend just didn't want to change because she consciously didn't want to back down in anyway. If we don't make any compromises in relationships, then we work against ourselves. There's a fine balance between catering to someone just to fit in and making ourselves more attractive.

In any case my friend already had many guys chase after her, because she made sure she looked good and at the same time she was a strong girl that wasn't needy and maintained her own goals in life. Those are attractive qualities that are appealing to men and women. Other changes include not nagging but communicating more effectively, and not catering to a man's every needs which spoils the guy.

There are two types of changes that both men and women can make. One is to make oneself more attractive by increasing the positive traits we have. The other is to play games and use trickery. The second type of change is not sustainable if we're going to be with someone for life.

Remember, if you apply make up badly, it's gonna look real ugly.

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