Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Dec/Chapter 2: The 30 year old virgin

The attached picture is from a funny scene from "The 40 year old virgin", where Steve Carell's character is trying to remove his body hair in order to look right for his date.

By the way, they actually shot the scene whilst removing his real hair to get real (painful) reactions from the actor.

I doubt there are any 40 year old virgins alive, they probably all died from sexual frustration. But I'm pretty sure there are lots of virigns in their late 20's.

In Asia I hear a lot of girls complaining that there're no nice guys, I assume they are complaining there are no nice eligible guys. After all most of the really outgoing guys I know are players. It's almost hard to believe that any virgins even exist in a place like Hong Kong, because even a guy that's totally clueless about girls can pay for a ferry ticket to Macau and pay for a pro.

So what's the deal here? Why are there guys that can't seem to get women even by their 20's?

People often forget that the dating scene is a lot tougher in Europe and North America for the average guy. There aren't as many players, in fact lots of guys have a serious problem even attracting women. When Neil Strauss wrote "The Game", it immediately became a bible for players all over the world. But it was also salvation for the average frustrated chump that lived in areas of the world where getting a girl is a lot harder.

Sometimes women forget that there are guys out there who's middle name is "rejected".

Recently friends were telling me how the dating scene is very different in Vancouver and a lot tougher on guys. A girl was telling me how a lot of her female friends were the ones cheating on their boyfriends rather than the other way around. Whilst a guy friend was telling me how he posted up a personal on an internet dating site with zero success (my friend is from Hong Kong). In the clubs there the girls can have their pick of the guys, whilst in HK girls have no idea if the guy that's hitting on them is going to be a player or not.

Things are just tougher over there for Asian guys for various reasons. The Asian girls have the choice between caucasian guys and Asian guys, whilst Asian guys have very little success with the caucasian girls. That means the available male/female ratio is immediately skewed in the Asian community.

Interesting that the sex ratio can change social dynamics so much, and give one sex so much power over another. In Hong Kong slightly more single females mean a lot more guys can act insensitive towards the girls, and can live a playboy lifestyle if they so wish. Over in Vancouver, the vice versa is true.

The only country where it seems a skewed male/female ratio doesn't change things much is in China. I still have female friends in China that complain they have problems finding nice guys. Unlike their Western counterparts, Chinese men with money will be guaranteed to attract lots of women. In the US or Canada, unless you are totally filthy rich, even if you have a nice job you might not be able to get a girlfriend.

Things are rough for both sexes, just depends on where they happen to be in the world. Most people I know are pretty mobile, but fail to look into prospects for their love lives when they move to a new country. Certainly, a place like HK is not a good place for a single girl to go.

On the other hand, some of the men that could be 30 yr old virgins in the West, and can't meet women in their home countries, come over to Asia and are like stars here.

Maybe, we should just solve the problems that affect both men and women over the oceans. Maybe we should just ship 50K guys from Vanvouver to HK, and ship 50K girls from HK to Vancouver.


Anonymous said...

Another interesting issue is guys usually have problem to date girls who had caucasian bfs before. Frankly speaking, according to most of my female friends who dated caucasians, there are no big sexual difference between caucasians and asian men.Why do you think that happens? Or is it just a myth that asian men deny their sexual ability comapre with caucasian guys?

Anonymous said...

This is an interesting topic...but what about those who're 30, cute/decent looking guys with good career, popular among girls but still remain single at the age of 30? Are they really so picky that couldn't find anyone or what's their problem?

Carlton Bradshaw said...

I don't think Asian guys have a problem dating Asian girls that have had caucasian boyfriends.

But Asian men definitely find it harder to date caucasian women. That's quite evident from the fact that there are a lot more white guys with Asian girls than the vice versa.

It's not to do with sexual ability.

Generally Asian culture is more reserved, whilst Westerners are more outgoing. Of course that's a huge generalization, but it is true to an extent.

Men don't like women that dominate them, and women like men that are slightly more aggressive and have a strong personality.

It's basic male/female attraction 101. Cultural differences skew the behavior across races, and naturally what men and women find attractive.

You'll get the same with blacks/whites. There are a lot more black men with white women than the vice versa.

Carlton Bradshaw said...

"This is an interesting topic...but what about those who're 30, cute/decent looking guys with good career, popular among girls but still remain single at the age of 30? Are they really so picky that couldn't find anyone or what's their problem?"

Men naturally are not inclined to commitment as women because by nature women want commitment, whilst men are promiscuous.

There are many reasons why guys can't settle down. One of the reasons is that they haven't found the one.

The other, which many women fail to realize is that some men don't really want to settle down ever.

The guys that can get loads of women are so distracted they're just on pussy alert the whole time.

Lots of these men do marry later because they feel they are getting older and need to settle down. But note there's a difference between need and want to.

Yumla said...

So why do men feel like they 'have to' settle down? Are they just bound by social rules?

Carlton Bradshaw said...

The real answer is a bit hard to swallow.

Without ANY social conditioning, human society would resemble more like most other social animal species.

You'll have alpha males that have many females and unsuccessful men will have none.

If you think that's damn awful, it's because we've all been brought up with the Judeo-Christian concept of one man, one wife.

Even in Islamic countries today, 4 wives is legal, and 80% of humans societies have been polygamous. China until last country was the same, and even in HK, polygamy was legal until the 1960's.

In a one man/ one wife society, men have a much harder time settling down than women, because men are naturally more promiscuous. It's also why more men cheat than women.

I'm not saying any of this is acceptable, I'm just reporting the truth.

Those guys that do settle down and are faithful, are either able to commit to one woman, or find someone they feel is so special to them they're willing to settle down.

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