Friday, October 3, 2008

Oct/ Chapter 1: We're screwed...

The other day I had an interesting night. Primarily because I was with several players out clubbing. It was also interesting because I got all depressed and shit.

Never start moralizing when out having a good time, especially when drinking.

The guys were all from Shanghai and all very cool guys. We had girls all around us. But something was bothering me the whole night. It all started when my friend started complaining as usual that he couldn't find any nice girls, and wanted to seriously settle down and get married. But when we got to the club his eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store, and he would comment on a dozen girls being cute, then go hit on a couple.

I've told him many times before. The key to settling down is to quit the partying lifestyle altogether. Some people are able to control it, for other like us meeting too many girls is just a major distraction from finding that "special one".

Then I started chatting to one of the other guys, who obviously wasn't ready to settle down, but sounded depressing never the less. I asked him what it was like clubbing and partying in Shanghai, and what are the girls like. He told me it was starting to suck, because he was getting too many girls, and the local girls were boring. It was so easy to get girls he was losing all his hunting skills, because he was literally being spoon fed.

How depressing, I felt like I was talking to a prisoner in Guantanamo Bay that was on hunger strike, and being force fed to stay alive..........I've been there though. Imagine going through the same repetitive and fake conversations with someone time and time again, just to get laid.

I started asking a third guy about this issue, the issue of the Shanghai lifestyle, and he agreed. It's just too intoxicating, and he was worried it would suck him in, and rather than enjoying it, it would start controlling him. That sometimes he just wanted a quiet weekend, but then would get lots of phone calls from people asking him to go out. That he wanted to keep a moral self, but it was impossible with so much temptation flying around.

That's when it hit me, I was feeling exactly the same.

Whilst I was contemplating these serious thoughts and at the same time was chucking down my vodka redbull I glanced across the club and saw a guy I knew. The guy had a really nice girlfriend, I knew her as well, but he had his arm around some other girl.

That's when I got all depressed and shit, because I realized it wasn't the girls we hurt that were screwed. It was us, the jokes on us......


LS said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

i say, leave the partying crowd, sleep early, join the breakfast crowd, find a nice girl, marry her, stay faithful, be happy then. No messy mess to clear and definitely a more fulfilled life at the end.

why i say this? I was at a club the other day and i saw this guy cozying up to this girl. and i can tell that they barely know each other. but one is horny and the other needy, but both will feel empty when the night's over. and it will be back to square one all over again. so i say, join the breakfast club:)

Carlton Bradshaw said...

Yeah I agree with you, I was tying to illustrate a point without getting too preachy. Especially since I'm in the partying crowd myself!

It's one thing to enjoy partying, and be on top of the lifestyle. It's another thing when the lifestyle is in control.

Anonymous said...

over and over again i hear young guys say they wanna settle down(but look to me they never really do so) and old guys say they regret for having missed some truly great girl when they were younger.

"It's just too intoxicating, and he was worried it would suck him in, and rather than enjoying it, it would start controlling him." I can't agree more. I am a girl i can already feel it. I can't imagine how its like to be a guy in HK. It reminds me how Mystery got into depression.

I was sorta dating this guy for a few months and we knew each other much longer than that. He is a good man. Not nice tho. Its okay i dont like a 100% nice man anyway. I could feel he really likes me, just from how he treats me. In the end, he still told me, he couldnt commit but would still like to hang out, dinner, drinks, watever.. p.s we havent had sex and i said i would never unless im in a proper relationship. He respects me for this and he wants to hang out with me even tho there is no physical benefits..

I am confused. I mean i have met guys who were just trying to get into my pants and the second they see there is no hope, they leave. But this one?

Anyway, i said no. I'd prefer to cut it clean and clear. And i think i was right.

He could be a great man, if he is not in Hong Kong. But maybe just as you said Bradshaw, he is intoxicated or screwed, by this city.


Carlton Bradshaw said...

By Mystery, I assume you mean the Mystery in Neil Strauss' "The Game". For those that don't know who we're refering to. The guy is a very famous pick up artist that got big in the US because he was part of a group of pick up artists that perfected the art of picking up women, they also taught other men their methodology, and there's a sub culture in the US now of men using this pick up method.

Mystery however went into depression. Which is strange for a guy that can get so many women, and has men queuing to learn his techniques.

Mystery is probably a sex addict. A guy who's ability to connect with a woman has been damaged. So he's replaced this by trying to pick up as many women as possible.

But he still feels lonely and hollow inside despite this, so falls into depression.

That's the point of my post really. If you're a player operating in HK/Shanghai or where ever. It's the quickest and surest way to screw yourself, because the lifestyle is a drug in itself. Intoxicating and ultimately unhealthy.

Anonymous said...

Hey but it doesn't have to be all extremes, you can go out sometimes and enjoy yourself then can also pursue some normal and healthy activities as well. Life is about balance, it doesn't have to be one way or the other, you can enjoy a good meal at home with some good friends and sometimes go out with a crowd to meet some new people. It is also about expectations, maybe some people go to clubs just to hunt, but I go to clubs with my girlfriends to dance and just hang out to have a good time. I am not disappointed if I don't meet anybody. We think that we can find happiness by meeting somebody special but this is untrue, if you are not happy yourself, nobody can make you happy. So find yourself first then you can be happy anywhere, naturally spending sleepless nights in smoky bars might not be the fastest way to find fulfillment!

Carlton Bradshaw said...

You're right, it shouldn't be about extremes. But this post isn't about balance. This is about addiction.

You could also tell a heavy smoker to quit smoking, or an alcoholic to quit drinking. You could tell them to enjoy their habits in moderation, but they can't, they're addicted.

For a guy, it's rewarding in his mind when he gets a girl. But for those that are addicted to the lifestyle it's actually harmful. It's no different from a drug giving a good feeling, but a drug addiction being harmful.

Most guys won't even know they're addicted to the lifestyle. They just live it, oblivious to the harm it's causing.

Johanna SGP said...

Harry Silver: The men who fuck around are not free. Not really. They end up more enslaved than anyone because they can never stop suspecting that the women they want are just the same as them. Just as unfettered, just as faithless, just as ready to move on or to make a quick detour as the hero of one of the new songs.

Except from Tony Parsons' Man and Boy.

Bankers should read sometimes ;-)

Carlton Bradshaw said...

haha, I love the quote. Thanks

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