Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The biggest piece of crap I found on the internet

The first part of the note is the original piece of crap. You may have read it before because it's been floating around the internet and facebook. The second part is my response to it, and if you've read any of my stuff you'll know you'll either laugh at my response or find it vulgar (you have been warned):


In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question, "What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said "Yes."

She began to expound..., "As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man….. or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, what can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive... he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself."

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You’re asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

To every woman who're worth a lot.... and every man who needs to know.


To the girls:

The fantasy:

The man is perfect in every aspect of his life
Perfect mentally
Good conversationist
Financially perfect
Knows what a woman goes through
Someone that can be respected
You forgot to add, faithful, not butt ugly and relatively tall

The reality:

Such a man, if he exists is either gay or in a relationship already, because if he's that special you can be sure his girlfriend guards him like the holy grail and will fend off all you other girls from a mile away.

The other 99.9% of men out there lack most of these qualities:

Perfect mentally: Lol, wtf does this mean anyway? I've heard of smart, but perfect mentally? I know plenty of guys that are totally mental. Is that anything close?

Good conversationist: Most guys are full of brain farts. Or they're full of shit. If a guy is a really smooth talker you can be sure he's trying to sweet talk mulitple girls into bed.

Spiritual: I respect religion so I won't mess around with this. But most girls can't even find a nice guy. You sure you can find a spiritual guy that's got the other qualities?

Financially perfect: Again wtf does this mean? If it means what I think it means then only Bill Gates and Warren Buffet qualify. Are you sure you want to have sex with a nerd or a man born in 1930? The rest of us go from slightly imperfect but able to buy you bottles in a club to dish washers in the back of a resturant.

Knows what a woman goes through: He must be gay

Sensitive: Gay, or a player trying to get into your pants

Someone that can be respected: Most men are either emasculated and weak versions of our former, hunter, warrior race. Which is why women called them nice guys, pat them on the back, friend zone them and then complain there are no nice guys.


They're strong, don't get pushed around, don't grovel for a woman's attention, are not needy, are not clingy, respect themselves. But they're sleeping around.

Physical aspects: As for the rest of men, they're either too short, look like a car ran over their face, or their penis are so small when they put it in the girl asks "Is it in yet?"

The reality is, we're not perfect. The above list is the equivalent of a man asking for a super hot girl, with a perfect body, smart, nice personality, has a good sense of humor, caring, not a gold digger, and willing to cook, clean and handwash the skid marks off our underwear.

Deal with it, or stay single forever chasing ghosts. By that I mean either compromise or raise your own level.

To the men:

Just get perfect in bed. Then you can bang your girlfriend so hard and so long she orgasms multiple times. When she's mumbling or screaming, the last thing she'll want is mental stimulation or good conversation.

By Willie Booker (you know the deal, copy and paste then forward if you found it funny) You can slap me (on my bum) if you didn't.


Anonymous said...

im pretty sure this lady is talking about my boyfriend and im not sharing with her hahahaha. the man she is describing is probably 1 in every couple of thousands.... hes like the mythical unicorn, often heard of but never seen. im not saying that she should settle for less but if she goes on searching for this ideal guy chances are she will be old and wrinkled. also might i add, guys that have the qualities that she just mentioned can have their pick, so the question is this; what is this chick able to bring into this relationship? is she hot? great body? awesome in bed? superb cook? because guys are a bit different than girls, intelligence to them is jsut an added bonus.

Carlton Bradshaw said...

So you're hot, have a great body, awesome in bed, and a superb cook?

If you ever get tired of your boyfriend you know how to contact me!

Anonymous said...

my dishes are decent, body and face average,i think all girls thinks they're awesome in bed but really, i mostly get by on charm, charisma and humor. i just got lucky hahaha

Snickers said...

I married one such man ;)

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