So the other night I was out with a friend that was definitely a player, but he didn't think he was. Then it occured to me, I had written a post in my blog about how to spot players, and I had over simplified it. I had focused on liars and people that use deception when it was much more complicated.Now I asked a bunch of people what they thought a player was and I got loads of differen't responses, here are some of them:
"Someone that doesn't care about a girl's feelings."
"Someone that knows a girl has feelings for them, but has no intention of giving her anything back, and uses her for self pleasure."
"Someone that sleeps with more than one woman in a relatively short space of time."
"A guy that can't settle down and moving from one girl to the next."
"I don't have a definition but I have an auto detective sensor for players when I am near one!" ............!
"You!" <----- aya.....
How people define a player simply depends on their own value system. Hey if it was up to God to judge players, anyone having sex and not married is a player! There seems to be a range of definitions rather than a fixed one. But there's two main groups it seems, one group of people feel players are just guys that don't want to commit and can't settle down, in fact anyone that has a one night stand is a player.
Ok, so according to this definition I agree I'm a player. But I'm not exactly a smart one, I mean come on, I post my party life up on facebook and ruin my own chances, and I've had one girl tell me she liked me until she read about my Taipei trip on this very blog. It's pretty deliberate, I believe it's possible not to lie and deceive and still have fun with others, that way no one gets hurt.
The other group feel that a player is someone that takes advantage of a girl's feelings and using a girl for their own pleasure. If a girl is willingly going for the guy despite knowing what he's like then she's not getting played. So really the second crowd believes players are simply wrong because they are using a deceptive screen. Well it's true, I mean the players I know have a lot to hide all the time, and everything seems like half truths. Even facebook party pics are detagged because it's too incriminating.
But there are four aspects of players and girls that fall for players I find interesting.
Firstly, players that use deception honestly don't think they are players. It's not that they don't want to admit it because if they do then it's incriminating and could ruin their reputation. In their mind they honestly do not see themselves as a player.
Now when I say this I'm not judging, because I realise society and morality is not as black and white as I thought it used to be. But I just find this psychological thought process interesting, like it's some sort of self justification.
Secondly, not all players are just looking for one night stands and sex. Lots of players also date girls and will genuinely like them. The only difference from a normal guy is the player doesn't want to commit, or his selection criteria is so selective pretty much no one can fit the mold. So in part 13 when I gave advice on how to spot a liar, it was too simplistic. It's much harder to spot someone that actually likes you enough to date for a few months, but has no interest in commitment.
The third interesting thing is the super player. I know one guy who's likes James Bond. In my mind he's the perfect player and as a guy I have to worship him. Hey, who doesn't worship James Bond? This guy will be able in a very short space of time get lots of girls to like him and sleep with him, and not just normal girls, I mean hot girls. He sometimes even has a female entourage follow him around. Plus I'm not talking about Edison Chen or anyone famous!
He's got the perfect mixture of good looks, smoothness, charm and attraction. Damn, wish I could interview him for my blog.
You girls might now read this with disdain, by that I mean my respect for James Bond. But here's the fourth interesting thing. Girls will still fall for guys they know are definitely players and then will justify wanting to be with the guy. Just last night I spoke to a friend that said her guy specifically told her he will not commit, but she still wants to be with him.
When you get up to the level of James Bond, it's like seeing a mythical creature with supernatural powers at work. Women will willingly fall for the guy even when it's against their best judgement.
So back to definitions, according to the second group's definition, if girls know a guy is playing around and still falls for him, then he's no longer guilty of being a player, right?
Girls can be super players as well. Just look at Samantha in sex and the city, and I know a couple in real life as well. They basically are like the Sirens in Greek Mythology, drawing men to their own doom. So really, all is still fair in love and war.
Just one thing that a guy friend correctly pointed out. The only people that should not be touched are the really nice girls and boys out there. If a player finds a really nice person, gets that person to fall for them and then ditches the person, the player should really burn for their sins.
6 comments:
what is considered as REAL NICE girls and guys then?
i agree .. we often fall for players and we KNEW IT !! so its really our choice to stick up with him and shouldn't blame too much afterwards .. UNLESS he was a great liar then that's a different story .. some guys will even PRETEND they are settling down with a girl with *ahem* commitments which they don't mean .. those are the worst !!
I think we all know what nice girls and guys are la. The wholesome type our parents would like us to marry.
Which is different from most people in the party scene unfortunately. Also, girls just aren't as attracted to the nice guys as I've posted already.
I kinda disagree with your differentiation between these party people and wholesome people. There are plently of NICE people who are party people. It's like saying it's ok to eat fish coz they don't have any feelings...
Although I party less now coz i'm older, it doesn't mean that when i was party shit hard like wed to sun every weekend that i was any nicer or less nice a person.
...oh, i've just realised, by party people, do you mean people that sleep around?? I partied a lot, but never slept around, or even got off with loads of people..but i was definately a party person....
Hi old party person, in the context of this particular James Bond topic. I was refering to the nice girls and guys that have a totally different value system to sex and marriage compared to someone that parties a lot.
Of course there are NICE people that go out and party. Most my friends are party people, and I'm a party person! Being a party person also doesn't mean sleeping around. But at least we are aware of what the scene is like.
When a player goes and screws someone over who's relatively ignorant to what the scene is like, or has a much more innocent and idealistic perspective on relationships, they are guilty of a much bigger moral crime.
Let me expand a little more.
The Idiom "All is fair in love and war" is used to say that when there is conflict, people can be expected to behave in a more vicious way.
However even in a war zone, we differentiate between the killing of military personnel, civilians, the old and sick, and kids.
When it comes to relationships, a player or someone that has in the past had no consideration for other people's feelings, hardly deserves any pity when they one day fall in love and are heart broken.
On the other side of the scale there are the really pure and idealistic people that really shouldn't be involved in such "conflict". Those are the nice people I am talking about.
"pure and idealistic people that really shouldn't be involved in such "conflict". " - i totally feel that
its one's choices to get involve with such "conflict" even they can already predict the outcome of how's it gonna be.
and yes i agree ppl who party hard can be NICE ppl (like ME, lol) but i admit one of the reason i go party hard atm, its because i wanna explore and have as much fun as i can, maybe i might be feeling a lil lonely but really, i know i am not settled down atm. That's one good thing of being single, u can go & do whatever, wherever and whenever u want ;)
its funny of how the players fell in love and got heart broken. i laughed* (esp. when i hear 'em cry) LOL
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