June/ Chapter 26: Dating younger guys

I realized since writing this blog that there's a lot of women dating guys younger than them. The perfect example of a woman that goes after younger men is of course Samantha in Sex and the city. Now although she is a fictional character she's a good example of how an older woman can approach relationships with a younger man

First of all the idea is to have fun. Basically turn the table on the men and use them as the boy toys, when usually it's the guys treating girls as sex objects. It's a good way to boost self-esteem, feel desired, and get some great sex out of a younger guy, rather than an older guy that might be full of himself.

Okay, so you need to get a younger guy. Best way is to meet the guy in a social setting and the guy should be a friend of a friend. As an older woman, don't try meeting guys in clubs unless you're good looking. Guys in clubs are wasted half the time and looking at what girls look like, not thinking about the personality as much.

The whole chat up, yeah chat up process, should be pretty similar to how a guy approaches a girl, you literally reverse the roles. You act friendly but don't come on too strong, flirt but only enough to tease and can back off if it's not getting the right response. Be confident and be in charge, and most importantly just have fun. The most attractive people in either sex are the ones that can come across as a fun person. Who wants to hang out with a dull and boring person?

Some women are better suited to this lifestyle than others. You can only go into the relationship with the expectation of having a good time, and stick to that expectation. If you start treating the guy as a potential partner with a future together then you might freak the guy out, and hurt yourself. Instead let the guy think that way, and let his feelings build. The guy's been with younger girls so he doesn't need another needy, annoying girl he can play with, but probably finds the older woman's independence, and maturity interesting.

Also realize that whilst a younger guy can be worshipful and treat an older woman he likes like a queen, the woman might not get the same emotionally. The guy might be better to look at, but doesn't offer the woman what she needs in terms of understanding her and connecting on the same emotional or spiritual level.

Still there have been such relationships that have ended in marriage. A guy that's a distant relative of mine married someone over 20 years older than him. Whilst Demi Moore is 16 years older than Ashton Kutcher. Obviously the age difference doesn't have to be that extreme, but it shows that an older woman can work with a younger man. You just need to be in control rather than daydreaming about unrealistic thoughts of what could be with a younger man.

Interview with an ex party girl

Below is an interview I made with a girl that used to party a lot, but wants to settle down now. Of course it doesn't reflect the lifestyle or opinions of everyone that goes out to party a lot but very interesting never the less.

Ok so how come you want to settle down?

Because I realized, if I don't settle down now, probably no one will want to marry me. I don't want to be single when I'm 43.

How long have you been partying for and since what age?

I'm 23 now, been partying since I was 17. But each year it gets worse. From last October till March this year was my peak season. But not anymore, I don't wanna meet any guys in clubs again.

How come you partied more and more?

Because I met more and more people and those people always asked me out. So I partied more and more and met even more people.

The guys you had sex with. Did you like them or was it just for fun?

I slept with them because I was drunk. Lonely and drunk. Sometimes I don't remember when and where I met the guys. Don't remember their names, and don't remember which club we met in, and don't remember we fucked, haha.

You were recently with a guy, what was your ex like?

Handsome, rich and good looking, but he was married.

So why you go for him if he was married?

He's been married for 5 yrs now, and I knew that before I started a relationship with him. I liked him and he treated me very well. I just wanted to have some fun at first, but after a year I was madly in love with him and wanted to have him.

What made you fall for him?

Every girl loved him, made me feel so good to have him. My friend also had a crush on him, but he chose me and not my friend. He treated me like a queen. He was my soul mate.

So if you knew he was married and everything was good why you two split up?

I slept with his friends for revenge. He was with his wife every night, so I felt I could sleep with other guys.

Ok, I guess that's fair...

No it's not. He told me he was married and I accepted that. I can't complain about that, and use it as a reason to sleep with his friends.

So what now? You going to find a new guy?

I've found a new guy already, but it's complicated.

What's complicated?

He says he wants to take it slow. and wants to know more about me before deciding if he wants to be in a relationship or not. It's bullshit, like I'm on probation. He's got all the boyfriend rights but none of the responsibilities. He kisses me, touches me, sleeps with me, but says we're just friends. We're just friends.........and according to him we're not dating each other, we're just chilling out.

So is he a local, studied overseas, or grew up overseas?

He was born in Australia, was in HK for Kindergarten, then primary school, highschool and university in Australia.

What profession?

Ibanker

Lol, I guessed he would be a banker. So how you meet him?

My friend pimped us, haha. We had sex the first time we met because I was drunk.

How did that go down?

We met in a bar with my friend, started drinking and I was tipsy. He said he wanted to play poker so I went to his place with my friend, then my friend left. I don't remember the rest very well, just that we had sex in his guest room and then once in his bedroom.

So now you're seeing this guy?

Not really seeing, just friends. If he wants me and I'm free I'll go to his place. We're FBs, friends with benefits, haha.

Right. Hey why aren't we FBs?

Because you're not my cup of tea, and he is.

Fair enough haha. So if you're going to give up on partying how you going to meet guys in the future?

Don't want to meet la, I give up. The one I love is married, and the one that I get along with just wants to fuck with me. I give up on meeting guys in clubs, and give up on guys that work in the finance industry.

Bankers are that bad huh?

Bankers are not bad, problem is they are too good. Every girl wants them. It's very hard being a woman.

Why is it hard to be a woman?

If you are not smart enough and don't have an academic background, guys don't want you, because they want a woman that can help. But if you are too smart then no guys approach you. You know la......ego ma. If you are ugly no guys want you, and if you're too pretty guys will be scared to approach you. Need to be smart and know how to play dumb.

You know how my ex's wife kept him in the marriage? His wife knows everything but plays dumb.

So what's the deal now with your current guy?

Well, last time I was out with my FB I told him I was going to leave him for another guy. He freaked out and treats me very good now. He never held my hand on the street before but he's willing to now, and he's willing to introduce me to his friends now. Sometimes you need to play games, when I'm here he takes me for granted, but when I told him I'm leaving he realized he needs me. Doesn't want to commit, but still wants me.

So I guess we all need to play smart huh?

Yeah play smart, but it's hard for a girl to play smart. Girls can be a good player before having sex with a guy. But the more a girl sleeps with a guy the less willpower she has in avoiding falling for the guy.

Cool, thanks for your time. Hey so when we going out to party?

June/ Chapter 25: Goldfinger.......

It's only right that if I am to write about James Bond, I should also write about his nemesis, Goldfinger.

Now unbeknown to everyone in the World apart from myself, a select few and the late Ian Fleming (author of the James Bond books). The original character in the Goldfinger novel and later movie was meant to be a woman. A stunning looking woman who was so good at her job as a gold digger she had been bestowed most of the world's gold by the rich men under her control.

Goldfinger lives in Asia.......

Now, every girl wants her boyfriend to buy her gifts on special occassions, and would prefer a rich and successful guy, if all other things such as personality were equal. But there are lots of women in HK and in Asia in general that select their men with a very heavy weighting on how well the man can provide for her. A lot of women even date or marry men that they probably do not find attractive at all, but they stay with the man for the money and free gifts.

There's three main reasons for this. Whilst Western culture looks down on such behaviour, and has less emphasis on the importance of material wealth when picking a partner, lots of Asian cultures have traditionally put more importance on materialism. Just think about Chinese New Year, when we celebrate and wish people good luck, we offer money in little red packets. Similar customs exist in Japan and other asian countries.

Another reason is due to the gap between the rich and the poor in many Asian countries. In the West there tends to be a large middle class and there is a smaller weath gap. In HK or in large Chinese cities such as Shanghai there is immense wealth, but concentrated in fewer hands. So there is more drive for certain individuals without the wealth to pursue wealth.

Finally, big cities exist simply because they are more efficient at creating innovations, developement, wealth, commerce, etc. Big cities are more competitive and wealth is a symbol of success. Even in Sex and the City, the tagline was "labels and love", labels of course represent materialism. Big city life and people are naturally more materialistic.

The existence of Goldfinger is not strange to me at all. As I mentioned already, it's evolutionary nature for a woman to find a man that can provide. What I do find strange are the men that date Goldfinger. They must be either so rich they don't care a woman only loves them for their money. Willing to pay for a hot trophy wife or GF because the woman makes them look good, and/or ugly enough (looks and personality) to need to pay to find substitute love.

But for the rest of us, if we want to avoid Goldfinger, here are some signs we've met her:

1) She's more interested in what you do for a living and how much you make than your headhunter.

2) She doesn't seem to have a job but what she wears makes her look like a promotion girl for "Chanel" or "Jimmy Choo". (she could be daddy's princess, but that's probably just as bad)

3) It's your 4th date and you've paid for everything on all 4 dates.

4) She's less than 1/2 your age.

Here are some sure sighs you're already under the control of Goldfinger:

1) You get laid off by your bank due to the current credit crunch. A week later you return home and find your woman is gone, along with all the stuff you've ever bought for her. On the bed you find a note that says. "PS, I will always remember you!"

2) You're rich but don't trust your finances with anyone. As you go to bed one night with your woman next to you, you bring up the topic of signing a prenuptial agreement before getting married. She immediately puts her finger over your mouth, says "shush, don't think so much baby" and then proceeds to give you the best blowjob you've ever had in your life.

3) One day to your astonishment your girlfriend tells you she's pergnant. You're astonished because she was meant to be on the pill, and you were wearing condoms. Then you take a look at the box of condoms and find someone's used a pin to prick little holes in all of them. (Actually this strategy of getting pregnant was probably used on a guy I know)

4) Your will was last edited for you by your wife who's 60 years younger!

June/ Chapter 24: James Bond

So the other night I was out with a friend that was definitely a player, but he didn't think he was. Then it occured to me, I had written a post in my blog about how to spot players, and I had over simplified it. I had focused on liars and people that use deception when it was much more complicated.

Now I asked a bunch of people what they thought a player was and I got loads of differen't responses, here are some of them:

"Someone that doesn't care about a girl's feelings."

"Someone that knows a girl has feelings for them, but has no intention of giving her anything back, and uses her for self pleasure."

"Someone that sleeps with more than one woman in a relatively short space of time."

"A guy that can't settle down and moving from one girl to the next."

"I don't have a definition but I have an auto detective sensor for players when I am near one!" ............!

"You!" <----- aya.....

How people define a player simply depends on their own value system. Hey if it was up to God to judge players, anyone having sex and not married is a player! There seems to be a range of definitions rather than a fixed one. But there's two main groups it seems, one group of people feel players are just guys that don't want to commit and can't settle down, in fact anyone that has a one night stand is a player.

Ok, so according to this definition I agree I'm a player. But I'm not exactly a smart one, I mean come on, I post my party life up on facebook and ruin my own chances, and I've had one girl tell me she liked me until she read about my Taipei trip on this very blog. It's pretty deliberate, I believe it's possible not to lie and deceive and still have fun with others, that way no one gets hurt.

The other group feel that a player is someone that takes advantage of a girl's feelings and using a girl for their own pleasure. If a girl is willingly going for the guy despite knowing what he's like then she's not getting played. So really the second crowd believes players are simply wrong because they are using a deceptive screen. Well it's true, I mean the players I know have a lot to hide all the time, and everything seems like half truths. Even facebook party pics are detagged because it's too incriminating.

But there are four aspects of players and girls that fall for players I find interesting.

Firstly, players that use deception honestly don't think they are players. It's not that they don't want to admit it because if they do then it's incriminating and could ruin their reputation. In their mind they honestly do not see themselves as a player.
Now when I say this I'm not judging, because I realise society and morality is not as black and white as I thought it used to be. But I just find this psychological thought process interesting, like it's some sort of self justification.

Secondly, not all players are just looking for one night stands and sex. Lots of players also date girls and will genuinely like them. The only difference from a normal guy is the player doesn't want to commit, or his selection criteria is so selective pretty much no one can fit the mold. So in part 13 when I gave advice on how to spot a liar, it was too simplistic. It's much harder to spot someone that actually likes you enough to date for a few months, but has no interest in commitment.

The third interesting thing is the super player. I know one guy who's likes James Bond. In my mind he's the perfect player and as a guy I have to worship him. Hey, who doesn't worship James Bond? This guy will be able in a very short space of time get lots of girls to like him and sleep with him, and not just normal girls, I mean hot girls. He sometimes even has a female entourage follow him around. Plus I'm not talking about Edison Chen or anyone famous!

He's got the perfect mixture of good looks, smoothness, charm and attraction. Damn, wish I could interview him for my blog.

You girls might now read this with disdain, by that I mean my respect for James Bond. But here's the fourth interesting thing. Girls will still fall for guys they know are definitely players and then will justify wanting to be with the guy. Just last night I spoke to a friend that said her guy specifically told her he will not commit, but she still wants to be with him.
When you get up to the level of James Bond, it's like seeing a mythical creature with supernatural powers at work. Women will willingly fall for the guy even when it's against their best judgement.

So back to definitions, according to the second group's definition, if girls know a guy is playing around and still falls for him, then he's no longer guilty of being a player, right?

Girls can be super players as well. Just look at Samantha in sex and the city, and I know a couple in real life as well. They basically are like the Sirens in Greek Mythology, drawing men to their own doom. So really, all is still fair in love and war.

Just one thing that a guy friend correctly pointed out. The only people that should not be touched are the really nice girls and boys out there. If a player finds a really nice person, gets that person to fall for them and then ditches the person, the player should really burn for their sins.

June/ Chapter 23: How to improve your sex life?

"Can you explain more about the sex part in relationships...so far from what i've seen..despite all this crap in magazines that men want sex more than women...it's the opposite..."

This is a question someone just asked me on this blog, and it's probably one of the most important issues in a long term relationship.

Over 54% of couples in the UK state they have a stale sex life, or no sex at all prior to getting a divorce. Over 10% of couples even state a bad sex life as their main reason for getting a divorce, so whilst many people try to downplay the importance of sex in a relationship, it's highly important. Even if the subject is nto important to you, it might be to your partner. There's been loads of books, and thousands of research and case studies dedicated to the subject.

It's hardly a secret that if you don't love someone, or worse, resent them then you won't want to sleep with them. How healthy a couples sex life is in a relationship could be a barometer of how well the relationship is going. If there is something else causing the relationship and sex life to deteriorate then fixing that problem will naturally fix both. But what if your sex life being bad was the cause of a relationship failing? It would seem strange that something that feels as good as sex can be neglected but it often is.

First of all do realize that just because you have less sex now than at the start of the relationship it doesn't necessarily mean your partner loves you less. Sex drive is stronger at the start of a relationship because it's a pair bonding mechanism, so we've evolved to want to have more sex at the start of a relationship.

Secondly, everyone's sex drive is different. Some people want to have sex everyday, other people only want it once every week or two. The difference doesn't have to mean one party loves the other party any less. Just like the differences in other areas of the relationship, people will see things differently or have different needs. It requires communication and compromise for couples with different sex drives to avoid any problems.

I know first hand what that feels like because even after dating the same girl for years I would still want to have sex everyday. Every single girlfriend I've had, hasn't wanted it as badly as myself after a long period of time. I would assume the person that asked me how come guys want to have sex less than girls probably experiences the opposite, she probably has a stronger sex drive than her partners.

There's two ways to get your partner to want to have more sex. Firstly, get really good at it, and understand what makes your partner tick. If sex for them is a really good experience then they will naturally want more. No one wants to feel like they're just some sex object for their partner's sexual needs.

It's not possible (too lengthy) to teach sexual technique here, for that I'll have to start an entire new post, but if you want to improve sexual technique the best way is to watch porn and then experiment with your partner. I'm not friggin kidding, if you want to get good at it you got to learn from somewhere or it'll just be a hit or miss process. Some people still have reservations or old fashioned thinking when it comes to sex and that's why they don't get good at it.

Western porn is too mechanical and fake. Japanese porn is the best, and I mean mainstream stuff without any weird fetish crap (unless you are into fetishes!) . Japanese porn usually features girls that are off the streets and their reactions are qenuine, they really are enjoying it rather than making fake screams. Watch it with your partner, even joke about it, but make your partner comfortable and understand it's a tool to improve your own sex lives.

Experimentation is very important. Try different techniques, and positions, try using toys and dressing up. But the important thing is knowing that everyone is different. All those magazine quizzes about sex and sexuality are generally a pile of crap, because sexuality is one of the most subjective of human experiences and there's a lot of variance.

The other poster said basically she's tried to spice things up and it didn't work. Now I don't know what spice things up meant for her and her partner. Maybe it wasn't what the partner needed. Spicing things up doesn't have to be spontaneous, you can always discuss with the partner what they want. Having talked about it doesn't mean the sex is any less exciting or romantic.

But if spicing things up really doesn't work and your partner's sex drive seems very low despite you trying the right methods there could be external or psychological factors at work.

1) Overwork or high stress. HK is a very stressful place and most people are overworking. If someone is too tired after work, they might just want to chill and then fall asleep. I'm not really a big fan of HK lifestyle, people are too obsessed with money. If you and your partner are close maybe you can discuss that what your priorities are, and money and career isn't everything.

2) The person might have found you or themselves physically unattractive. If it's yourself then you might want to get in shape, or maybe your partner is asking for too much, it all depends. If your partner is not comfortable with him or herself but you feel fine then it's important to let them know.

3) Something else is affecting their mood and emotions. Maybe your partner is depressed about something, could be work or family issues. Whatever it maybe, get through that with them first.

4) They might feel their sex life is not good compared to others, work less at it and then it gets even worse. Seriously, not everyone's sex life is as glamorous as the movie stars, and from what I've heard from girls and what's on the net I'm guessing most people's sex lives are pretty mediocre. In which case no point putting yourself or your partner down by thinking your sex life is not as good as others. Rather, work at it.

Worse comes to worse, change your sex partner. Seems like everyone else is doing it in this town.........unfortunately......

June/ Chapter 22: Warriors, part 2

The guy in the Pic in the last post is a friend of mine that served 2 tours in Iraq. He, like the rest of the US military are volunteers. Different people have different reasons for signing up, but he believed in serving his country, and risked his life for it. Politics and justification for the Iraq war aside, this was a guy totally selfless, facing the heat on a daily basis, and risking getting sniped or getting hit by an IED (roadside bomb) whilst on patrol.

He was a warrior but he was still scared. What kept him going was love for his country and protecting his bros in Iraq that were on tour with him. Compare that with self serving HK people.........hmm

One of the greatest warrior cultures that ever existed was in Sparta (Greece) 2,500 years ago. The Spartans would train their children from the age of 7 so they could become fighting machines. Back then the world was brutal and entire nations would be pillaged and wiped out by invading armies. Living in a peaceful society, we can only look down on a world of warfare. However, on an individual basis, men were a lot more virtuous and selfless than the modern man.

One of the most famous battles in history was the Battle of Thermopylae, which was depicted inaccurately in the movie '300'. In 480 BC the Persian army invaded Greece, and the Persian army was huge. Modern consensus is for 150-200 thousand men. In order to hold the Persian army back long enough to let the rest of Greece arm itself, King Leonidas and 300 of the best Spartan warriors headed to a narrow pass in Northern Greece. They picked the pass so it could act as a bottle neck so the superior numbers of the Persian army would have less effect.

The Spartans, their warrior slaves and allies numbered only 7,000 and they held back the Persians for 3 days. But in the end the Persian army found a way to circumvent the pass and to surround the Greeks.

Knowing encirclement was imminent, King Leonidas sent most of the allies home, and then the Spartans and a few hundred more decided to stay and fight to the death. Now this was not just for honor, it was because the men who were about to die knew that if they retreated and lived, Greece would see the battle as a defeat. On the other hand if they sacrificed themselves on that ground in defiance of the Persians, all Greece would be inspired by their self sacrifice. So that day they all died for the greater good of their country, their homes, and their loved ones.

Virtues and self sacrifice........

How many men in HK knowing their families would be enslaved would commit outright suicide for the city of HK, and for their families? Ok, so maybe that's too extreme and unrealistic, but most people here are on the opposite side of the scale, they're self serving even in their relationships and marriages, and that's why relationships fail.....

Of course I am generalising in this post, but I speak the truth. Guys in HK rarely fight. Maybe the triads fight, but your regular guy only knows how to shout. I've seen guys shout before, a disagreement breaks out and then both guys pretty much shout "bring it on" and "diu lei lo mo" 20 times, before they walk away without a punch. I swear I wanted to grab both of them and beat both their asses for being pussies.

This is your typical HK warrior:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0k4mHSOHsI

The guy didn't punch the other guys, but punched a girl. I mean was this video meant to be a joke? In fact I am sure annually, more men beat their wives than beat other men. Who wants to take a bet?

Someone on another thread asked, what are the qualities of a guy a girl should consider a keeper? Ok well, this might sound corny, but my favourite movie is Gladiator and it's my favourite movie because the character Maximus is what I think is the ideal man. He's a superb warrior and fighter, but a family man and loves his family more than anything else. A real man is strong on the outside and soft on the inside, which is unfortunately the opposite of many HK men.

So, we're in a pretty tough situation, hmm. HK people are generally too self serving when it comes to relationships, and we as a society are the victims of our own selfishness. To be fair, it's not just here, it's everywhere, but in a big city like HK there's more of it.

At this point you will ask, are there any men with virtues in HK? Are there any selfless warriors who will think of their women and family before himself? Yeah of course! But you might never notice him because he doesn't earn lots of money, and he's quite and not as outgoing.

June/ Chapter 21: Warriors, part 1

Yesterday I was trying to get home after having drinks with friends at exchange square. There were no cabs so I went to the airport express to get a cab, but not down bottom. The fastest way is to get a cab is on the ground level where people are getting off.

It's the quickest because there are no queues. which is why it's also brutal and interesting to observe, you'll see people rushing to and fighting over cabs.

After a while I realised I might as well have turned on the discovery channel and watched Hyenas fight over scraps of meat. It was a big free for all with absolutely no rules at all. Anyone that was polite and didn't rush in front of someone else would not have gotten a cab. I saw men push in front of women, women in front of men, and people shouting insults. The funny thing was everyone was wearing a suit.

Humans are very adaptive creatures and behaviour changes depending on the environment, the culture we live in, and what others are like around us. When I started researching for this blog, I realised a lot of the research and articles that apply to Western society, apply very little or not at all to HK and Asian society. For example, in Western society men value more independence in a woman. In Asia men value more submissive behaviour. The difference is pretty much all down to differences in culture and society.

But are we adaptive or just slaves to our environment?

If we were to judge society in terms of morality on a sliding scale, on the one side you will have virtues (moral excellence), on the other you would have vices. HK is one of those places which has so much sin, even good people will adapt to become more selfish. To illustrate this, let's look at a short list of what virtues and vices are (there are more but not listed):

Virtues:
Altruism
Benevolence
Chastity
Commitment
Compassion
Courage
Fidelity
Fortitude (the moral courage to do the right thing despite opposition or discouragement)
Honour
Idealism
Integrity (basing actions on consistent framework of principles, opposite of hypocrisy)
Loyalty
Purity
Self-discipline

Vices:
Cowardice
Corruption
Dishonesty
Dishonor
Greed
Ignorance
Indulgence
Infidelity
Pride
Promiscuity
Selfishness
Vanity

I highlighted in bold the 3-4 most important points which pretty much leads to the other virtues and vices in the group.

HK and many other large cities in the world would be best described not by virtues but by vices. It gets that way because big cities are about earning money and then indulging in a better lifestyle. But the temptations in a city like HK are so bad that I've seen good men become corrupted, because doing the right thing is seen as silly, naive or boring, whilst doing the wrong thing is celebrated. There is very little morality in HK, and hence why there are so few nice guys, why there are so many players, and why men are cheating.

But women are not much better in this town. Lots of women cheat as well, and women in this town are very materialistic and greedy. A man's wealth and earning power is a lot higher on the selection list of HK women compared to other places. I've been on dates before where at the end of the meal the girl just sits there and doesn't even say thanks because she feels she deserves to get dinner from a guy. I also know for a fact that when a lot of girls go shopping they tell each other to get their boyfriends to pay for things they want.

What are we HK guys? ATM machines?

It's a two way street, and the price for a town with more fun, and more material wealth is that for the most of us personal relationships suffer and we'll be lonely. If there was karma, and punishment for sin, then collectively as a town we reap what we sow. Now I'm not preaching or judging any particular lifestyle, I'm just reporting the truth.

Ok, so now you're wondering what this post had to do with warriors and why did I post up a pic of a GI in Iraq? Let me get to that in part 2.